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JOLLY 

SUMMER 




NEW YORK 

WHITE, STOKES, & ALLEN 
1883 




IN TUE HANDS OF TUE PHILISTINES. — Sec p(l<JC 203. 




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JOLLY 



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NEW YORK 

WHITE, STOKES, & ALLEN 

1883 




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Copyright, 1883, by 
WHITE, STOKES, & ALLEN 



THE LIBRARY 
OF CONGRESS 

WASHINGTON 



CONTENTS. 



PAGE 

I A Cruise to a Funeral . . 11 

II , We Elevate the Tone of the Steerage 22 

III. Holland and the Dutchmen 41 

IV. Cologne and Cologne 55 

V. We Ahr Ourselves . . 75 

VI. Vagabondism beside the Khine 90 

VII. From Dirty Mayence to a Student's Paradise 105 

VIII. Into the Shades of the Schwartzwald 122 

IX. We Rise in the World 139 

X. A Stroll Over the St. Gothard 155 

XI. North Italian Lakes and Cities 169 

XII. The Queen of the Adriatic 181 

XIII. We Rail from Venice to Geneva 199 

XIV. Adventures in Wicked Paris 212 

XV. A Potpourri 227 

XVI. Back to Our Books 244 



I. 



A CRUISE TO A FUNERAL. 




A STUDENT'S DREAM OF THE RHINE. 

"Boys, what say you to a walking trip down the 
Rhine next summer ?" were the first words spoken over 

[11] 



12 



YE GERMAN STUDENTS. 



the walnuts and water of the Cafe Windsor, that jovial 
club of '79 men of the college 'neath the elms, as ten of 
its eleven members sat in after-dinner abandon around 
the panic-stricken board. The eleventh, who has arrived 

late, roars, " Juliette, bring me some soup I'll go I" 

" And I," said " Bug." " Count me in," remarked " the 
Object." And last, slowly and carefully, and thinking 
between each two syllables, "the Cyclops" ejaculates, "I 
am with you, fel-lows, if I can af-ford it." For weeks 
nothing is talked of as is the prospective trip, and 
fifteen enthusiasts assert that they are " certain to go ;" 






FIRST WEEK. SECOND WEEK. THIKD WEEK. 

STUDYING GERMAN WITH MAD VIGOR. 

so German is studied with mad vigor, and six of the 
party board with the Teutonic proprietor of a Russian 
bath, and for weeks endure unutterable hardships at his 
table, in order to enjoy the privilege of hearing German 
spoken there. The} T hear it, and also considerable broken 
English. It is during the temperance agitation, and 
mine host is a strong supporter of the "License " party. 
lie never drinks water, attributes half of New Haven's 
disease to its use, and prides himself on having appeared 



PRELIMINARY GAYETIES. 13 

before the court during a test-case trial, and testified that 

he and Herr S had on that morning engulfed a whole 

keg of lager, without showing any signs of intoxication. 

As he waxes warm with a righteons indignation 
against his " No-License " opponents, he mutters: "If 
the United States makes me to vater drinken, and I get 
sick, I sue 'em, py jiminy, I sue 'em !" 

As the month of June approached, the numbers of 
our party become very much reduced, and final arrange- 
ments are made for but eight, all that is left of ©ur fif- 
teen would-be tramps. To occupy the week between 
Commencement and the date set for our departure, " the 
Judge " kindly puts his swell yacht at our disposal, and 
we decide to sail for New London and the Harvard- Yale 
race, and then to cruise along the Sound as far as our 
time will allow. Annuals safely weathered, we join in 
the whirl of gayety of Commencement week, all agreeing 
to wind up with the Senior Promenade Concert, and to 
" stag it " there, in order to be without the care of ladies 
on the following day. We tear ourselves away from the 
strains of " Nuetz das Freie Ziehen" and the still more 
charming sound of fesh young voices, full of happiness 
and life ; from the refreshing quivering of graceful trop- 
ical plants, the twinkling of satin-slippered little feet, and 
the floating of clouds of well, Worth ! that so do cap- 
tivate ye heart of ye guileless student. 

We tenderly fold eight dress spike-tails (after having 
carefully brushed off a white substance from the region 



14 " A SING." 

of the right shoulder), don eight neglige suits for yacht- 
ing, and wend our way toward the yacht just as the 
streets assume the leaden gray of early dawn. We retire 
to our berths, and are roused to find ourselves nearing 
New London ; soon come to anchor and go ashore, to 
mingle, for a short time, with the crowds of students of 
both colleges, walking the dingy little streets, or discuss- 
ing, in groups, the prospect of to-morrow's race. After 
listening, in company with hundreds of fellow-sufferers, 
to the blare of a brass band, we turn back to the yacht, 
and there, under an open, moon-lit sky, spend the even- 
ing in an olden time " sing " of all the college songs that 
suggest themselves, accompanied by the yacht's orchestra, 
consisting of two well-handled banjos, one very badly- 
handled tambourine, and " Nancy," who can't sing, and 
hence utters an occasional mournful growl, and terms it 
an imitation of a bass-viol (or " dog-house," as the wretch 
insisted upon calling that soul-thrilling instrument of 
noble proportions). 

At breakfast we do ample justice to the Judge's 
groaning board, especially the Cyclops. Now, the 
Cyclops has a fine healthy appetite, and it is rumored, 
among his most intimate acquaintances, that, on the 
eventful morn of his first appearance upon life's stage, he 
opened his mouth ! Of course that alone was nothing 
very remarkable ; but when the crowd of female relatives 
pressing around listened anxiously to hear whether hi.; 
was to be a tenor or a bass voice instead of the expected 



THE CYCLOPS BREAKFASTS. . 15 

wail, they heard, in imperious tones, "Waiter, a shell 
roast and a cup of chocolate, and brace up, too !" 

Whether that is a vile slander or not, certain it is that 
at breakfast that morning he demonstrated his gormandiz- 
ing abilities to an extent that alarmed us. Before the 
rest of us had finished our first piece of steak, Cyclops 
had demolished his fourth, and was evidently meditating 
a renewed assault. Number five rapidly disappeared, 
and as six was meeting its fate, we passed him a piece 
which had been already tested. Tough as sole leather, it 
had fairly resisted our knives, yet our friend seemed to 
appreciate it not, and actually aged and hardened number 
seven followed its younger and more tender companions. 
" We are seven," sighed the Judge, as he gazed at the 
empty platter. " Yes," quoth Bug, " the seven sleepers," 
as the unconscious Cyclops asked the combination cook- 
and' waiter if there were any more chops. After break- 
fast we put ship in bandbox order, as we slowly forged 
up the river, to anchor near the finish. " The Poet " 
and " Handsome " rowed ashore, to meet and bring on 
board a party of lady wearers of the blue, from Hartford 
and Brooklyn, come down from Commencement gayeties 
under the escort of some of our classmates. We set all 
our bunting, and unfurled with it a huge blue flag with 
'79, our mystic number, embroidered on it in large white 
numerals, and we sat waiting for our pretty boys, with 
their fair companions, to return to the yacht. Soon they 
arrived, in two installments of beauty, and were stowed 



EXPECTATION. 



17 



away in our most comfortable chairs, while we sat care- 
lessly around on belaying pins, top-gallant trucks, etc., 
like the gallant sailors we were. 

The Object made himself intensely disagreeable by 
talking in a " culchawed " manner, nourishing a red hand- 
kerchief, and making small bets on Harvard with all the 
ladies, who demanded that the rest of the party toss him 
overboard— as soon as he had paid said bets with them. 

Bug, returning from a trip to the crew's quarters, 
whither he had departed in the morning, " to put the 
boys in good spirits," exhibited a most romantic scratch 
on his cheek, and informed the ladies that his efforts to 
put the boys in good spirits had been crowned with suc- 
cess, when he had kissed the landlady's fair daughter, and 
had been thus rewarded. 

It was now past the hour set for the race, and, as one 
of the men up aloft reported that it was coming, the 
ladies nervously smoothed their blue ribbons, the while 
pouring forth a continuous stream of, such remarks as, 
"Oh, I know Yale will win." "Mr. 0. and Mr. K. 
wouldn't so dare to disappoint us as to be beaten !" 
" What a jolly time there will be in New Haven to- 
night," etc., etc. 

The Judge peers anxiously through his field-glasses. 

" I see them !" 

" Quick, which is leading V 9 

We wait for his reply in breathless silence — even the 
ladies. It comes, slowly and painfully : 



13 THE FKOCESSION. 

" Harvard, by several lengths." 

" Oh, Yale will gain. I know she will," shriek the 
ladies. But no; on they come, and we see the grim, 
relentless swing of the Harvard Eight far in advance of 
the nut-brown crew with blue handkerchiefs. On they 
glide, both crews with a seeming ease and lack of effort ; 
but there are but few of the spectators who appreciate 
the gnawing pain of that last spurt, which seems so grace- 
ful and mechanical. A bright, clear day ; the water an 
unrippled mirror of the cloudless sky ; a wide, open 
course, on either side of which are massed scores of the 
most graceful yachts in the world, covered with streamers 
of bright-colored bunting ; huge steamers careening with 
eager crowds of human beings, and flying colors from 
every available point ; hundreds of small craft in rapid 
motion. On shore, the same bright colors, Yale blue 
and Harvard crimson ; the banks fairly black with spec- 
tators ; the race-train, of vast length, creeping along close 
to the bank, in sinuous winding, like some huge python, 
with his variegated scales glistening in the sunshine ; a 
huge grand stand, crowded with lady sympathizers with 
one or the other college, wearing a profusion of their 
favorite colors; and, at the water's edge, a surging, 
writhing, shrieking crowd of students, cheering them- 
selves hoarse, hugging each other, and tossing hats with 
red bands, canes, red handkerchiefs, high up in the air— 
for Harvard has a 6ure lead, and her crew, still rowing in 
grand form, are just about to cross the line as the cannon 



CONSOLATION. 



19 



all about them belch forth their flame and smoke. 
" Why does not Yale spurt P the ladies ask, impatiently. 
They are spurting with their last gasp, and well, too, but 
still with the fatal hang at the end of the recover that 
has lost them the race. " Another funeral, and Yale as 
the corpse and chief mourner !" says " the Parson." 

" Well, I don't care," asserts the lovely Miss A , " the 

Yale crew is composed of a great deal handsomer men 
than those horrid, great, fat, Harvard men." " Yes," 

and you know they have those 



a 



adds the fair Miss E , 

old veterans, E — ust and 
T — ng, who, they say, 
have grown bald and 
gray rowing on the ball- 
crew. No wonder they 
can beat our crew 1" " 1 
think," pensively sighs 

Miss S , "that we 

would have beaten them 
if the race had only been 
the old six-oared, single- 
scull, turned race, they 
used to have at Sara- 
toga." 

"Yes, so do I," 
growled Bug, "or if 
Harvard hadn't had a better crew than ours." The 
conversation was interrupted, at this point, by a smoth- 




DABN | 



20 DIVERS DIVERSIONS. 

ered but distinctly heard " Darn !" which, being traced 
up, was charged to the Cyclops, who was discovered lean- 
ing over the rail in a most forlorn attitude, and muttering 
to the Thames. A bottle of olives, which Handsome had 
bought on shore the evening before, and had hidden 
away for a treat to the eight, now half-emptied, lay on 
the deck by his side; but all was forgiven him in con- 
sideration of his having spoken for us all, and relieved 
our pent-up feelings. As soon as the ladies were all safely 
gone (without a single mention of the bets they had 
lost to the Object, who was now making himself further 
obnoxious by strutting up and down the deck, with a 
red handkerchief fluttering from his cane, and saying : 
"Rah for 'Arvard 'Varsity, ye know"), we decided 
to hurry from the place as quickly as possible; we had 
seen enough of it to last us for some time. So we stood 
out, and anchored that night off Greenport, L. I. 

In the middle of the night we were awakened by a 
gasping cry, and the sound of gurgling water, and most 
of us hurried on deck to see Handsome standing, looking 
as though he had seen a ghost, and the Cyclops slowly 
coming over the side, drenched to the skin, and shivering 
with cold. Handsome explained that he had been unable 
to sleep, and had come, partly dressed, on deck, and 
was sitting quietly in a chair when he had seen, to his 
horror, a white-robed object issue from the cabin, and 
walk directly to the rail and overboard. His had been 
the cry we had heard, and the cause of the fright was 



THE CYCLOPS EXPLAINS. 



21 



none other than the Cyclops, who had proved himself 
a somnambulist in addition to his other accomplishments 
We hurried him below to warm him up a little, and 
there discovered another white-robed object, struggling 
desperately with a small locker. This proved to be Bug, 

who was half-way in the 

'.ocker, and, on being un- 
ceremoniously pulled out, 

:old us that he had been 

calmly sleeping when he 

was rudely awakened by 

the sound of rushing water 

and the ghastly cry re- 
ferred to, and that his 

iirst thought had been that 

we had been run down 

and were sinking ; so, but 

half awake, he had made 

a dive for the first ap- 
parent means of escape, 




A MIDNIGHT FRIGHT I 



and had wedged himself so in the locker that he conld not 
get out unaided. The poor Poet explained that the gurg- 
ling sound had been a natural result of the festive Cyclops 
overturning a pitcher of ice-cold lemonade, which, as it 
had stood directly over the head of his berth, had poured 
most of its chill contents upon the sleeping Poets 
devoted head. The Cyclops was gradually becoming un- 
popular, as misfortune after misfortune was developed ; 



22 THE CYCLOPS EXPLAINS. 

but he told his little tale with such an ashamed and peni- 
tent air that we all pardoned him at once. " The very 
first thing that I was conscious of was that I was in the 
water. Stretching out my hands, I touched the yawl, 
which was fastened astern ; so I climbed in and, pulling 
myself to the side, got on board again. I am so sorry to 
have caused you all such a fright, and humbly beg for- 
giveness." Peace restored, we retired again, to slowly 
recover from our scare and to sleep once more. After 
a pleasant but uneventful cruise to Block Island and 
back to New Haven, we left the yacht to attend to vari- 
ous matters in the City of the Elms. 



II. 

WE ELEVATE THE TONE OF THE STEERAGE. 

Steerage is, principally, the subject of this chapter. 
Perchance that one sentence will suffice for the fastidious 
reader, for whom the mere word calls up imaginations of 
foul sights and odors, of, perhaps, a few hundred filthy 
Russians, crowded in a low, dirty cabin, with as many 
more Swedes, Polacks, or Germans of the lowest class, and 
all reeking with the smell of their respective national 
dishes. Before our reader's dainty eyes pass dreamy 
visions of this barbarous mob moving about, in fail 



THE STEERAGE OF OUR DREAMS. 



23 




THE IDEAL STEERAGE PASSENGER. 

weather, in an atmosphere redolent of poor caviare, 
Holland herring and Limburger cheese cm naturel, and 
in foul weather— I refrain from a necessarily revolt- 
ing description. 

With, perhaps, this same commonly-received notion 
of the steerage, our eight stalwarts had, nevertheless, 
accepted it as their fate. The reasons for their seemingly 
insane determination were numerous and forcible ; and 



24 INDUCEMENTS. 

out of justice to themselves, and charity to their sorrowing 
and shocked friends (some of whom have since endeavored 
to make them feel a fitting sense of the degradation they 
had brought upon themselves), we will represent their 
motives as, first, poverty — to some chronic, to others 
temporary, and the result of the last two ball games and 
the boat race, to say nothing of Commencement-week 
expenses. 

Again, an inward rebellion against allowing two of our 
party — who, for private reasons, had sworn to go steerage 
whether the rest did or not — endure it alone, while we 
looked down on their self-denial from the grandeur of the 
cabin ; while a number together could make almost any 
hardship more bearable by sharing and good fellowship, 
besides having many privileges generally granted to a party. 
Other influences were the desire, usually present in the 
composition of a young man, to ascertain how much he is 
capable of " standing," and the fact that the oily-haired 
and smooth-tongued agent assured us that it would be 
very endurable and even comfortable, from the accommo- 
dations of their glorious line, and the small number of 
steerage passengers taking it, and those of a very respect- 
able class. 

So the quarters were examined long beforehand, and 
pronounced satisfactory, and the agent, who looked upon 
the whole matter as "'one o' them student larks," and was 
quite willing to encourage it as slightly profitable, prom- 
ised to introduce us to the captain as eccentric millionaires, 



TENDER FAREWELLS. 25 

and to see to it that we were allowed the freedom of the 
whole ship. So we sweltered in the terrible heat of New 
York in early July, busied in making purchases of in- 
numerable variety, beginning with the famous " never- 
get-dirty" shirts which made the late A. T. Stewart's 
fortune, and ending with a forty-cent dinner in Hoboken, 
shared generously with insinuating flies, and eaten with 
great care and many harrowing fears lest it should not 
remain our own property for many hours — sad to think 
of " casting bread upon the waters " to such an extravagant 
extent ! 

We gathered together ourselves, baggage, and a little 
band of wondering friends, on the deck of the steamer 

S , bound for Eotterdam. Many preparatory puffs, 

pants, and groans were succeeded by our leaving the dock 
to the waving handkerchiefs and farewell cries of our 
Yale friends down to see us off, not to mention several 
" cries " of tender females on board and ashore. With a 
farewell warble and a ringing " three times three," that 
at once established us in the position of notables, we 
turned with a cynical smile to the tear-swollen faces 
around us; but, perhaps, ourselves felt a slight twinge as 
we thought of the dear ones at home — and elsewhere. 

The last link connecting us with the shore shattered 
by the dismissal of the pilot, we steamed down the harbor, 
passing numbers of small craft that seemed like toy yachts 
in comparison with our steamer's massiveness, and we 
watched the shores fade into dimness with an undefined 
2 



26 BAD SINGING AND WORSE PUNNING. 

feeling of discomfort. We surveyed our cramped quarters 
with a tinge of dismay, but were delighted to find every- 
thing neat and clean, and our fellow-passengers few in 
number and respectable in appearance. 

In the separate compartment assigned to us we 
arranged the " kits " of the eight. Each steerage passen- 
ger purchases this kit, consisting of a rude straw mattress 
and pillow, tin cup, pan, spoon, knife and fork, also a 
bed-quilt of some material. Our berths decided by lot, 
we passed the evening smoking and singing college songs, 
and retired at a late hour feeling wide-awake in our novel 
situation, and the Object and Nancy manifested a won- 
derful exuberance of spirits by getting off some very 
unsavory puns and conundrums. 

" What is the difference between these coverlids and 
us ? " cried Nancy, with great eagerness. " Give it up ? 
Well, because they smell of the dye and we almost die of 
the smell." 

The Object then tried his hand with moderate success, 
but was at once approached by Bug, who went sadly to 
him and, with streaming eyes, said, " Object, I'd rather 
have you kick me than do that again." Notwithstanding, 
the Parson perpetrated the following, when we were about 
half-way across : "Why ought we to feel especially lively 
to-night ? Why, because we are ' half seas over.' " 

One morning early we awoke to find one young 
German relieving his feelings upon the floor. We 
indignantly remonstrated with him, and called the atten- 



ship's characters and experiences. 27 

tion of the ship's doctor to it. He simply cast a glance 
at the fellow, and remarked in a most calm and mild tone : 

"Oh, ya-as, der passengiers begins to be sea-sick now.'' 

An ocean steamer is a perfect paradise to a student of 
human intel — I mean nature, and one person soon forced 
himself on our observing notice. It was a young fiend in 
the shape of a Hebrew, and it was accompanied by its 
father, whom this imp kept in a state of perfect torment. 
No sooner did the mild-eyed father engage in any game 
or quiet amusement than his Pride's angelic countenance 
appeared around the corner, and in heart-rending tones 
commanded him to cease. So the poor man always 
obeyed, and, after he had quieted the cherub, returned to 
his occupation with a muttered : 

"He wurry my life out. I trow him overboard, 
tamn him!" And we all prayed that he would. 

Bug is in love with the whole 
female sex, and never lets slip an 
opportunity of playing the gallant. 
His charmers are to be found in all 
classes, and he paid as much attention 
to a pretty German girl — who, by the 
wav, was the flame around which flut- 
tered all the dazzled moths of our 
steerage — as he was ever known to B ug~~solus. 

bestow upon any of New Haven's 
proudest belles. Wishing to show her all the elephants 
that dwelt in and around the ship, he had the fail 




28 BUG CONVERSES IN GERMAN. 

"Cherman" out one evening to look at the brilliant 
display of phosphorus, as it was whirled up by the 
screw, in bright sheets and flakes. 

Bug's knowledge of German is more limited than his 
desire to converse ; but the conversation must be carried 
on in that tongue, as his fair one does not understand a 
syllable of English ; so he braces and begins : 

lie. " Wie viele Brueder haben Sie ? " (How many 
brothers have you ? ) 

She. " Zwei, mein Herr." 

Re. "So?" 

She. "Ja." 

Then ensues a long silence, in which he turns over 
another sentence to shoot at her : 

He. " Wie viele Schwester haben Sie ? " (How many 
sisters have you ? ) 

She. " Drei, mein Herr." 

He. "So?" 

She. "Ja." 

A still longer and more uncomfortable pause, after 
which Bug, in agony and perspiration, bursts out : 

"Leben Ihr Yater und Hire Mutter?" (Are your 
father and mother living ? ) 

Site. " Ja, mein Herr." 

He. {In a tone of great surprise and with a prolonged 
falling and rising accent.) " So-o ? " 

She. {Sharply.) "Ja." 



AN INTEKESTING INVALID. 29 

At last Bug, utterly desperate, can think of nothing 

but: 

" Wie alt sind Sie % " (How old are you % ) 

At this the maiden, who is just at the touchy period «. 
bordering on thirty, flounces indignantly off, leaving poor 
Bug to gaze alone on the sad sea waves and the fitful 
flashes of phosphorus, muttering gloomily : 

" Why, oh why, could I not think of ' Wo wohnen 
Sie?' (Where do you live?) or 'Ich liebe Dich' (mean- 
ing < I love thee,' and pronounced by Bug ( ick libby 
Dick ' ), or some nice remark of that sort ? " 

He is tantalized for the rest of the voyage by seeing 
his quondam charmer overwhelming the first mate with 
her sweetest smiles, while he, poor fellow, is entirely 
unnoticed. 

The generality of our steerage companions appears to 
be poor, but neat, with a scrupulous German neatness ; 
the steerage has either been much maligned, or we have 
been singularly fortunate in ours. But, during the early 
part of the voyage, our attention was attracted to one 
uncouth individual, who acted in a very strange manner, 
and, among other performances, kept imploring the ship's 
doctor to attend his little girl, although she was evidently 
in perfect health. An examination proved the father the 
invalid, malady — delirium tremens. So Mr. Gams (I 
believe that was his name) was placed under lock and 
key in a separate state-room. 

In the dead of night we were aroused from out 



30 A BONFIRE ON BOARD 

slumber by the sounds of sudden confusion, and our blood 
ran cold as we heard that most horror-infusing cry that 
can strike one's ears at sea — Fire ! ! But half awake and 
terror-stricken, some of us hurriedly dressed in the now 
smoky apartment, and amidst the frightened cries of 
women and children, and a confused muttering. of many 
languages, in which we distinguished one cry of " The 
Sacrament ! The Sacrament !" and another, " Ich hab' es 
gesagt ! " (The inevitable, " I told you so ! ") repeated 
again and again. Our fears were soon calmed by one of 
the party, who had gone to investigate, returning and 
informing us that all danger was over, as the lire was 
under control. It seems that, at the change of the watch, 
a sailor had passed by the state-room in which Mr. Jin) 
was confined, and, seeing smoke curling through the 
crevices of the wood-work, burst open the door to find a 
bonfire blazing on the floor, both berths in flames, and 
the man calmly lying in one of them. He rushed for 
help, and, in the confusion, the delirium tremens monster 
rushed on deck, and hurled himself headlong over the 
side. Those who saw him, horror-stricken, made no 
motion to have the ship stopped until it was too late ; so, 
the fire out, she rolled on as calmly as though a fearful 
tragedy had not been performed. By the following night 
all thoughts of the occurrence seemed to have passed out 
of the minds of our fellow-passengers, who had a dance 
on the forward deck. Their hop, skip, and jump polkas, 
schottisches and waltzes were very entertaining, as, also 



A DUCK OE A MAN. 31 

were the irrepressible Bug and Handsome, who partici- 
pated. 

Not to allow the excitement to die out, we had another 
bright variation of the dull monotony of the voyage — an 
interesting athletic contest in the steerage. 

At the first glimpse of a certain individual there, we 
had been very much amused at Buff's and Handsome's 
almost simultaneous remark, "How much that man 
resembles a duck ! " And so he did, both in a fat, aimless 
waddle of a walk, in a most duck-like bill for a nose, and 
a square-cut month that was strikingly that of the bird. 
We nicknamed him " Quack," and the Object ventured, 
in ■ his hearing, to imitate a duck's squawk. The noise 
captivated the man's fancy immediately, and I am now a 
firm believer in metempsychosis, and that Quack's spirit 
is destined to be imprisoned by the body of some future 
duck, for he became perfectly wild on the subject of that 
horrible noise. He was continually uttering it, and it 
became his great delight to lie in wait in some dark corner 
and jump out suddenly, with a most dismal squawk, at 
some unsuspecting passer-by : all this, to his brilliant 
understanding, was one vast joke, so surpassingly amusing 
that he would almost go into convulsions of laughter at 
its every performance. He was, at first, an amusing idiot, 
but finally became an unendurable one, and we were 
charmed when he came to grief. 

A passenger whom, from his grave demeanor and 
owl-like glance, we had called the Professor, had retired 



32 A SHOE, A NOSE, AND DOLPHINS. 

early and was calmly sleeping, when Quack saw an 
opportunity for a most delicious and racy bit of fun ; so 
he stole up softly and gave vent to a most demoniac 
squawk in the poor man's ear. The Professor rose like a 
balloon, and, with a look of the most startled terror on 
his face, seized the first missile within reach. It happened 
to be a vast shoe, and it sought the most prominent 
feature of the witty Quack — his bill, whose beauty it 
utterly ruined ; and then, a profusion of the choicest 
Billingsgate, until the Captain appeared to pour oil on 
the troubled waters, and the Doctor, to begin repairs. 

The next day we saw a number of whales spouting— 
awery disappointing performance to most of us, who had 
cherished fond recollections of a certain geography 
representation of a monster sending forth a continuous 
spout of enormous volume. The reality was of but an 
instant's duration, and, in the distance, the spout resembled 
a puff of smoke from a gun discharged from the surface 
upward. 

We had the visit and companionship of two graceful 
dolphins, who came alongside, and kept up with us for a 
long time, darting in and out of the water as swiftly as 
though whirled from a cannon, and, anon, clearly visible 
in the crystal water as they cleaved it at some distance 
below the surface, and looking like two great silver 
arrows winging noiselessly along. 

Now that we have endured a fearful storm, enjoyed 
the music of our deep-toned whistle through three mortal 



bug's journalism. 33 

days of fog and whist, in addition to our former experi- 
ences, we feel that our happiness will not be complete 
unless we can stir up a mutiny to fill out the number of 
possible occurrences on board ship. A quartette of us 
whiled away the time very pleasantly at whist, and, 
during the progress of the game, one afternoon, Bug 
entered our "Rook-Kamer" (smoking-room), and inter- 
rupted us by a series of intensely ridiculous, but amusing, 
directions for play. The Parson finally arose in his 
wrath, and roared : 

" Bug, this room is for whist-players." 

Now, it so happens that the Parson is the acknowl- 
edged bad hand of the party, and the ready-tongued Bug, 
" now fully roused to the spirit of repartee," scored one 
against him when he replied : 

" Well, you had better get out of it, then, Parson ! " 

Bug kept a journal, as every one must, and started off 
with an eloquent pen-picture of the steerage, sad partings 
and all the incidents of the first afternoon. The next dr.y 
it was neglected, and after that it ran as follows : 

"July 8th. Made resolutions. Determined to pay 
more attention to my journal. Too languid to-day, 
however. 

" July 9th. Saw a porpoise ; jolly big fellow 

" July 10th. Another porpoise, by Jiminy ! 

" July 11th. Fog. 

"July 12th. Delirium tremens ! fire!! man jumped 
overboard ! ! ! 
2* 



34 ANTIQUE EGGS. 

" July \Zth. Had immense time. Saw phosphorus 
in the evening. 'Nificent ! Wish we could have a 
grand, sublime storm. 

"July 14:th. Got her/ Sublimity and sea-sicknes? 
don't mix very well. Don't think I'll keep a journal any 



more." 



We were delighted, one morning, to find our genial 
board groaning under the weight of — boiled eggs and 
lemonade, a strange banquet, procured through the 
enterprise and good-nature of Nancy ; but, alas, we 
discovered, among the first-named articles, several hoary- 
headed patriarchs ! In fact, we had boiled chicken in one 
instance, the only drawback being that, from the extreme 
youth of the fowl, it was deemed too tender for mastica- 
tion. So there remained but a small number, after we 
had merely had our appetites aroused by one healthy 
egg apiece. Accordingly, lots were drawn for the 
remainder, and the countenance of the stately Judge was 
wreathed in smiles as he found himself the fortunate 
possessor of egg number two. On slightly breaking the 
shell, he discovered that it was raw, and remarked : 
" That's good. Raw eggs are perfectly immense. What, 
never ate one ? Why, my dear boy, you have lived in 
vain ! Just take them at one draught, so to speak, like 
this — " And right daintily did he balance that egg on 
one end, over his expectant lips, with an expression of 
complacent, satisfaction, and swallowed its contents ; 
when, lo! the expression of delight on his countenance 



FUZZ AND BEAEDS. 35 

suddenly changed, and we envying • observers of his 
performance were happy with a fiendish joy to note it 
fade away into one of sickening fear and doubt, and, 
finally, of painful and disgusted certainty, as these sad 
words came slowly forth from the lips so recently twined 
lovingly around the end of egg number two : 
" Fellows, I'm afraid that egg was bad ! " 
We managed to rouse ourselves from the torpor 
consequent upon one egg apiece to take chances in several 
raffles, which were the correct thing on board. Fortune 
smiled on the Poet alone, and her smile took the shape of 
a silver (?) watch, the value of which, several times over, 
was squandered in " setting up " cigars, in consequence of 
his success in obtaining the questionable-looking property. 
As, before starting, we had made a solemn compact 
to allow no ruthless razor to spread devastation among 
our sprouting beards until we should land once more on 
the shore from which we set out, the result was that, at 
this point of the voyage, the party exhibited every species 
of the genus beard, from those faintly-discernible, and 
requiring careful nursing lest they should strike in, to the 
bristling, carboniferous-age-like growth that covered the 
noble jaw of the Esau of the party— the Cyclops. He 
brought to mind Mary Anderson's lamb, the fiery 
"Ingomar of the Allemanni," so dear to Freshmen 
hearts; and we were all in hopes that some gentle Par- 
thenia might tame him and restrain him from executing 
his wild purpose, always expressed in the following words : 



36 PRIVATE THEATRICALS. 

" The Judge and I want to go to the Zuyder Zee and 
spend some time among those old villages that used to be 
large cities, you know. I don't know much about 'cm, 
nor where they are ; but I think we can find 'em, and am 
sure they will be interesting." 

The Object and Cyclops amuse us by " scenes from 
tragedies," or any little fragment they can produce ; a 
favorite and oft-repeated one being : 

Object. " Ha, say'st thou so ? " 

Cyclops. " Ay, by the mass ! " 

0. "Have at thee, then!" 

C. "Thy life on mine!" 

And then comes the furious combat. 

Scene II. — The stern — The Object gazing at Phos- 
phorus — Enter Cyclops. 

G {With cordiality.) "Ha! Mr. Livingstone, I 
presume ? " 

O. { With stately dignity.) " The same, sir." 

G { With enthusiasm.) " My name is Stanley, sir. 
On the Grampian Hills, sir, my father feeds his geese ! 
Thank heaven I am permitted to see you ! " 

O. { With hauteur.) " It is, indeed, a great privilege." 

They stalk to the bows, and, meeting, go through the 
same rigmarole, in the same manner. It is astonishing to 
what depths the most erudite will descend for relaxation. 

We had taken groat pains to bring with us a small 
library of German grammars, readers, and conversation 
books, with the firm determination of improving each 



THE JUDGE LAGS BEHIND. 37 

sliming hour, upon the briny deep ; but here, at almost 
the end of our voyage, the social pipe, whist, and the 
" Wreck of the Grosvenor " had reigned in undisputed 
supremacy. We were all excitement over the prospect 
of soon seeing land — charming word, thrilling us as with, 
sweetest music. During the whole voyage, our scientist, 
the Judge, had laid the ship's course very carefully, daily 
comparing his work with that of the captain. So, witli 
great satisfaction, and in the most positive manner, he 
informed us that we should sight Bishop's Light at eleven 
o'clock that evening. At dusk it appeared, and the wily 
Parson having been informed of the fact, and seen tlif 
light, went to our navigator, and said — 

" Judge, when do we sight the light ? " 

" Eleven o'clock," he replied, with great certainty. 

" Come and see this ship," said the Parson. 

" So it is," answered the Judge, as he gazed quietly at 
the light. 

The news soon spread, and the irrepressible Bug was 
soon at him. 

" ' Pride goeth before a fall.' Gaze on the discomfited 
navigator, will you ! What in thunder are you lounging 
around here for, my brave old tar? You are two hun- 
dred miles out at sea. Well I hope you'll try and reach 
Rotterdam a day or two after we get there." 

Late that night, we saw a line of lights, just at the 
surface of the water, apparently, and twinkling away 
with wonderful clearness; these, we were informed, 



38 



THE ENGLISH CHANNEL. 



marked the historical little English town of Hastings. 
Wo awoke to find ourselves in the English Channel, but 
not jet in sight of land ; although numerous sea-gulls, 
vessels, and iloating bits of land substances assured us 
that it was not far distant. A delightful, warm morning. 




A GEM OF SCENERY OFF THE DUTCH COAST. 

and scarcely a ripple on the surface of the much-dreaded 
channel. 

" What magnificent water for a shell-race ! " remarked 
the Object, as he thought of the billows at Springfield, 
in '77. 

As Bug came on deck, he sniffed the air with an ap- 
pearance of great disappointment, and snorted out, with 
assumed violent indignation : 

"What they givin' us? This ain't no different fron: 



FIRST GLIMPSE OF HOLLAND. 39 

American climate. Gimme a breath o' good old En- 
glish air!" 

After this grammatical and elegant speech, he rushed 
off, and soon his slender form was. seen in the rigging, 
where he and Handsome had climbed in hopes of descry- 
ing land. At last, as we neared the land, we gazed with 
increasing interest at the dykes and flat, low country lying 
under water ; or, more exactly, below the level of the sea, 
and only remaining land from the fact of the existence of 
the dykes. Numerous quaint old windmills dotted the 
landscape as far as we could see, and brought forcibly to 
mind the fierce onslaught of the gallant Don Quixote. 
The country was as level as though some giant's roller 
had been at work upon it. 

The first remark on Holland was made by the Object, 
and gave evidence of a striking depth of thought : 

" What a paradise for base-ball nines and rifle teams," 
he whispered, in ecstasy, as he gazed over the level ex- 
panse. 

We approached Helvoord Sluis, a quaint and quiet 
little town, which, as seen in the distance, appeared one 
mass of roofs, the remaining portions of the buildings 
being hidden, on account of their low level. The greater 
number of the roofs was red, from the color of the tiling 
so universally used instead of shingles, and which is either 
red or a dingy mud-color. Our arrival created a great 
sensation among the inhabitants, who clattered along in 
huge " wooden shoon," and swarmed on the town's one and 



40 GOOSEBERRIES. 

only wharf. Shortly, two graceful creatures, whose joint 
weight would have "knocked spots out of" five hundred 
pounds, tripped into an affair somewhat resembling a 
boat, and were carefully put alongside, precisely where 
the escaping steam, at intervals, poured out in a dense 
cloud. All was serene until they came exactly opposite 
the vent-hole, when, suddenly, a cloud fizzed out, com- 
pletely enveloping them, and they stormed and (probably) 
swore at their gondolier, until the air was fairly blue with 
Dutch sulphur. They had large baskets of gooseberries, 
which were sold with lightning rapidity to our eager 
party ; and the Object put himself outside of a full quart, 
for which he paid fifteen cents, United States coin, and 
was boasting about his bargain, when he was suddenly 
checked by the information that he had paid just five 
times what the others had for the same quantity. Hand- 
some said they made him think of the Yassar girl who, 
while eating her first gooseberries, gushed, " O-um-um ! 
WouldnH I like to see the dear old goose that laid these 
berries ! " 

We left the S * * *, cheering and cheered, and had 
a few moments of most intense pleasure in simply feeling 
terra firma once more under our feet. Our eventful 
voyage was a thing of the past. 



m. 

HOLLAND AND THE DUTCHMEN. 

As we darted along the smooth canal, with banks of 
woven wicker-work, and with dense rows of osiers 
growing in the water as a protection to the banks, we 
were charmed by scene after scene of prosperous, comfort- 
able, homely, Dutch life. Built beside our canal were 
neat little cottages, surrounded entirely by hedges of 
magnificent growth, with trees at regular intervals in 
their luxuriance. The gardens were brilliancy itself, with 
hollyhocks and other peculiarly Dutch flowers ; and some 
of the more pretentious cottages had massive carved 
doors, with marvels of brass-work above them. The 
people who hurried to see us pass by impressed us very 
favorably with their honest, pleasant faces of the same 
general type — swarthy complexions, low foreheads, and 
prominent cheek-bones. The females of all ages— from 
the venerable and bent granddame to the little maiden 
not nearly in her 'teens — were at work, knitting, sewing, 
knitting; their deft fingers and flashing needles flying 
fast, but not one giving any but an occasional glance at 
their work, but trusting merely to long practice and an 
educated sense of touch. Almost every old lady among 
them looked benignly upon us from the depths of an 



42 BESIDE THE CANAL. 

enormous white lace cap, with large flaps, and adorned 
with curious ornaments of gold and silver — some of 
immense size and hideous shapes — fitting in at the sides 
of the head, just above the ears. These, we learned, 
rejoice in the euphonious name of " hoofdijzers," and are 
purchased as soon as a family grows wealthy enough to 
buy them ; then they are handed down from generation to 
generation, and are prized far beyond their intrinsic worth. 

Not one bare-footed person did we see during our stay 
in Holland, and it must be admitted that the huge shoon 
are a wonderful improvement upon the summer layer of 
mother earth, so frequently made use of as the sole foot- 
covering by the people at home who correspond to these 
peasants. 

Along the roads we saw old, lumbering wagons 
of all colors, green being the favorite, and of queer, 
fantastical shapes, with wonderful curves and points. 
Not a trace of a fence — ditches entirely performing their 
services — and the fields were in a state of high cultivation, 
and the cool breezes of evening wafted to our nostrils the 
delicious perfume of newly-mown hay. " Windmills, 
luxuriant crops, ditches, cattle (always the famous black- 
and-white Holsteins, as any other color or breed is 
considered inferior), all bounded by dykes, and at the 
mercy of any playful crustacean who might take it into 
his head to bore through the dykes" — such was the 
description the Cyclops wrote before the hieroglyphics, 
" = mral Holland." 



CANAL-BOAT CATTLE. 48 

Now and then we saw a man, harnessed to a canal- 
boat, and toiling along all bunched up ; yet looking the 
picture of contentment as he slowly puffed at his long pipe. 
Long lines of beautiful trees, with tall, slender trunks, 
and^dark, thick foliage, marked ditches or canals, and 
relieved the monotony of the scene. 

Bug and the Object lay in the bow of our little river 
steamer, singing and watching the shores, the rest of the 
eight around them, while the majority of the English and 
Americans on board were below drinking gin, and not 
catching a glimpse of the strange scenery. After we had 
made several stops, and had had opportunities of observing 
any striking peculiarities of the people, our attention was 
attracted to the children, who were a healthy, hardy 
crowd of youngsters, with a most robust and chunky cut 
of nether extremities ; we scarcely saw one young girl 
without the accompaniment of shapeless, eminently 
Dutch, calves. One in particular had a very slender 
figure, but the same orthodox supports of wonderful 
circumference. She was pointed out to the great Object, 
who at once explained the incongruity with : 

« Don't you know how she got those « Why, haulin' 

canal boats, 'course ! " 

We passed Schiedam, of schnapps fame, and at last 
reached Kotterdam, and hurried to our hotel, where we 
ordered a supper, whose variety and quantity nearly drove 
the phlegmatic hotel-keeper distracted. Our advent 
caused a panic in the lodging department of the estab- 



44 



1STIGHT IN ROTTERDAM, 




THE LAEDEB DEFLETED-PANIC, CONFUSION AND RUIN AT THE 

LEI.T6RAAF. 

lishment, and, as seven beds were the greatest number 
that could be provided for us, one of us utilized the floor • 
but it proved his benefit rather than misfortune, as the 
beds were m every case so short that it was an absolute 
necessity to tie one's self up i n a double bow-knot, or 
allow one's feet to dangle over the foot-board. The 
doors of our rooms could not be persuaded to be shut 
and, if we could have closed them, the locks would not 
work— most convincing proofs of Dutch confidence in 
honesty. 

Rotterdam, aside from its affording us means of 
observing Dutch city life, customs, and architecture, 
presented nothing to particularly interest us ; and so we 
spent our spare moments in visiting the shipping, and 
getting most wofully cheated in our exchange. 

Then came the Hague, which we found a very live'/ 
city, with shop-windows as bright as those of New Yo r, 



A BAD CASE OF CONUNDRUMS. 



45 



and streets thronged with people, and with an occasional 
cart, generally of large size, but with a motive powei 
consisting of a diminutive cur, whose lazy owner merely 
steered the vehicle. 

Accordingly, at our regular, frugal, Dutch breakfast 
of rolls, cheese, tea, coffee, or chocolate, and horse-flesh 
sausages, the Cyclops inquired of the waiter if we could 
order d la carte; and, being informed that we could, 
gave his order, and then quietly remarked to us : 

" These horse-flesh sausages are delicious, but I'll tell 
you the immense thing to have d la cart(e) in this 

country." 

" What is it \ " asked as one man the unsuspecting 



eight. 



" Dog," replied the sad wag, as he kept his weather- 
eye open for any missiles that might take him unawares. 

Not to be outdone in his own peculiar line, the Object 
perpetrated, there and then, the most ghastly conundrum 
that it was the misfortune of the tramps to hear during 
their long companionship, and so elaborate an one as to 
require considerable explanation. 

Now, opposite us at table had been sitting a Jew of 
most robust appearance and abnormal appetite— even 
eclipsing the Cyclops, as he had demolished almost one- 
half of a fresh Dutch cheese, or Kas (pronounced case.) 
So, after he had left the table, the Object sat for a few 
moments evidently deep in some process of abstruse 
reasoning. 



46 



CHURCH AT THE HAGUE. 






" Look out, boys," said the observant Nancy, " some- 
thing is to be thrown by the pensive Object, there." 

" We are prepared for any shock," replied the Judge. 

"All right, then," quoth the Object. "What is the 

difference between a cheese that a healthy Jew has just 

eaten, and a ruby nestling in its velvet-lined casket ? Too 

poetical for you ? Well, 
one is a Kas in a well 
Jew, and the other is a 
jew-el in a case ! ! " 

As he concluded, he 
sank on the floor in a 
dead faint, and the Par- 
son muttered, as he tried 
to bring him to by pour- 
ing the contents of his 
own milk-pitcher upon 
his head : 

"This is the sad fate 
of a punster who is not satisfied with his own language, 
but must needs seek another to enlarge his field of 
action." 

We attended the largest Protestant church in the 
Hague; but, because of arriving late, were, in company 
with other like unfortunates, barred out from the congre- 
gation of saints who had been on time. The collectors of 
contributions, however, condescended to come into our 
midst, through the gates {which they carefully locked 




HOLLAND DRAUGHT HORSE. 



MASTERPIECES. 47 

after them), to present a black bag on a pole for our 
contributions — which same they didn't get ! 

On the following morning, under the guidance ot 
a genial old professor from Leyden, a distant relative of 
Nancy's, we started out to " do " the city. We passed all 
through the Binnenhof , or old court-yard, now surrounded 
by courts of justice, etc., and once a perfect fortification, 
and entered only by gates, now of very moldered 
appearance, but with the portcullis pulleys still hanging 
on them. Thence to the art museum, where Eembrandt's 
"Anatomical Study" and Paul Potter's "Bull" especially 
interested us. Some of us, who had been through the 
ordeal of visiting picture-galleries in all the cities of 
Europe we had been in, strongly urged upon the party 
the advisability of almost totally ignoring all but the 
greatest masterpieces, and of attempting to carry away no 
remembrance of any but them, but to study these few 
with close attention, and make certain of them. "We 
found afterwards that this was a most excellent plan, as, 
otherwise, one has but a confused and indistinct recollec- 
tion of the more celebrated among the thousands he has 
attempted to look at. Bug was especially taken with the 
"Bull," and made an elaborate sketch of this famous 
painting, which, in point of artistic merit, rivals the 
original. 

Leaving the museum, we were guided through the 
quaint old streets, where every object was strange to us, 
and where we, in turn, were closely observed as remark- 



48 DUTCH TOYS. 

able. It is, at first, so difficult to convince one's self that 
he is now the " foreigner," and not the individual who 
gazes at him with widely-opened eyes. The feeling is 
akin to that of the London lady, on her first walk in the 
Hue do Hi vol L who remarked : 

" I will never again listen to any disparagements of 
the educational system of this wonderful country. Why, 
I actually hear little children of three or four years 
speaking French with the utmost fluency ! " 

We had not yet overcome our disgust at our own 
capabilities for attracting notice, so we hastened as quickly 
as possible to the old prison — the Dutch " Tower of 
London." We shuddered at the sight of horrible instru- 
ments of torture, racks, roast in g-pans, thumb-screws, 
rollers with roughened surfaces for denuding the back of 
flesh, and many rude inventions of the cruelty of the 
bloody times m which they were made use of. 

We were shown through damp and murky dungeons 
and torture-chambers, where were old blocks and axes that 
had done fearful service, of which the stains and scars 
upon them gave mute but eloquent testimony. Some of 
us experimented by placing our heads on the blocks and — 
horrible sensation ! — having the axe brandished over us. 
Others got in the stocks, etc., until informed that one 
young fellow had been accidentally killed in like manner. 
We suddenly desisted. We were shown the dungeons 
which the two De Wits occupied when murdered by the 
mob, and those in which Protestant priests were once 



A THRILLING EXPERIMENT. 49 

confined. The walls were covered with rude drawings in 
blood, still faintly traceable, and many little inventions of 
the prisoners for keeping account of the days of the week, 
etc. One dungeon was the starving-room, where to the 
slow and terrible death was added a most delicate refine- 
ment of cruelty, in that the window, or rather mere 
opening, was directly over the kitchen, so that the 
wretched condemned might see and smell the savory 
viands that he could not taste— a very Tantalus, slightly 
more fortunate in that he could, at least, die. In one 
dungeon, upon a door opening from it into a minute 
apartment, was the notice : 

" This is the room in which the condemned spent the 
last day of their lives." 

Handsome and the Poet, thinking that this referred 
to the small closet, instead of to the large room, as a 
whole, entered, and requested that the notice-bearing 
door be tightly closed, in order that they might try a 
further experiment on their feelings, as they had done on 
the block. Accordingly, they were shut in, in utter 
darkness, and allowed their blood to curdle with horror 
for some moments ; the rest of us, outside, having been 
meanwhile informed that the apartment in which they 
were closed had been simply a filthy receptacle of refuse 
matter, their reappearance was greeted with the greatest 
enthusiasm and congratulation. 

After the prison, the satin-covered walls, statuary, 
and rich frescoes of the king's palace interested us, and, 
3 



50 A DUTCH WATERING-PLACE. 

on the following day, we visited Cheviningen, the Brigh- 
ton of Holland. The road thither winds through trees, 
making a complete arbor for the greater part of the wa y 
— four rows of tall, full-foliaged shade-trees, at regular 
intervals and in perfect lines — and by residences whose 
grounds were fine exhibitions of the effects of color- 
gardening, for which the Dutch are so justly famous. 

Cheviningen is very much like the ordinary sea-side 
resort, in an abundance of large hotels, stores, and charges, 
and small cafes and shows. The beach is very fine ; the 
surf moderately high, and of a yellowish tiuge from the 
shallowness of the water for a long distance from shore ; 
the sands are covered with hundreds of huge, wicker-work 
chairs, with tops extending out some distance as protec- 
tion from the sun. The scene made one think of a 
gigantic colony of ants running about from ant-hill to 
ant-hill, so numerous were the people, and so clumsily- 
shaped these large chairs. 

We bathed in the North Sea, and returned to the 
Hague by gondola — so-called — running along, all in the 
shade, beside mansions, parks and grass-plots. 

In the evening we attended a concert bv the kind's 
band in the Zoological Gardens. It was very largely 
attended and we had an opportunity of seeing Hollanders 
of almost all classes, gathered together in one large 
assembly. We glanced at the large collection of aniir.ah, 
but. when we were near any cage, the other animals 
received but little attention, as we were, as usual, quite 



" THE TRAVELING MENAGERIE. 



>? 



51 




the attraction for the Dutchmen. Our cropped heads, 
walking costume, heavy shoes, Bug's sun-burned shirt, 
Handsome's "ta-ta hat," and the beards of Nancy and 
the rest of us were voted the causes of the sensation. 

Next morning the Object took affidavit that, as he 
glanced in the mirror to view his beard, he turned around 
quickly to see who that 
cross between a gorilla 
and a state's prison con- 
vict was that was re- 
flected there; he was 
surprised to find no one 
besides himself in the 
room, and so made a low 
bow and agreed to think 
himself very handsome. 
Our party is now, by agreement, " the traveling men- 
agerie," and new objects of interest are daily being added. 
The Parson has blossomed out in new Dutch linen shirts 
and white cravats, and looks very much the waiter. 

Still we were obliged to yield the palm to the Zoo. at 
Amsterdam, whither we walked from the Hague ; there, 
on a Sunday, after a walk through the celebrated Jew 
quarter, we reached the Cafe Neuf for dinner, and, on 
asking; leave to wash our hands, were shown into a room 
furnished with the whitest of Dutch linen curtains and 
bed-hangings. The Cyclops was in a state of great agita- 
tion as to how he could improve the appearance of his 



SWEET SPIRIT OP THE OBJECT'S 
DREAMS IN HOLLAND. 



52 WE FEED. 

shoes, which were exceedingly dusty ; finally settled the 
question by wiping them with the bed-curtains — the 
vandal ! Nancy would not notice him for the rest of the 
day. 

The Poet and the Cyclops, while strolling through 
the streets one evening, were attracted by the sign, " Ys, 
Glace," which they conjectured to mean ice-cream, and 
entered the cafe, and ordered some " plombiere." They 
were brought a small wine-glass, containing a moderate 
spoonful of ice-cream with some preserved plums mixed 
in it ; an enormous spoon and a vast expanse of pLte 
with scalloped edges were part of the service. One short 
assault exhausted the plombiere, and they paid their 
Holland cents and left, disgusted with Dutch ideas of 
quantity. 

We visited the old palace, where the king still spends 
a short time every year ; we entered (fee), accompanied 
by an officious beadle (fee) ; we climbed to the top of 
the tower (fee) ; another pointed out (fee !) the various 
points of interest in the view ; another of nature's own 
noblemen conducted us through the rooms of the palace 
(fee). The walls were of marble, exquisitely carved, and 
adorned with tapestries, satins, and paintings. Some of 
the paintings represented sculptures, and a painted con- 
tinuation of a sculptured marble frieze was so minutely 
perfect that it required the closest examination to con 
vince us that we had been wrong in contradicting the 
Judge when he had asserted that it was canvas, and not 



TWO KINGS IN THE PARTY. 53 

marble. We entered the throne-hall, where was a large, 
velvet-covered, and silk-embroidered throne, on a raised 
platform of marble. Thence we were conducted to the 
ball-room, with its ceiling one hundred feet high, and, 
while the rest of the party were being conducted from 
this room, the Object noiselessly stole back to the throne- 
room. He had determined to have a brief " sit on " the 
royal throne, and he had watched his opportunity as the 
guide (who had carefully guarded the throne, and was 
still keeping watch over all ambitious sitters), had 
momentarily turned his back to unlock the door out of 
the grand saloon. So he rushed to the throne, and, 
bouncing upon it, made a royal gesture of command, then 
hurried out at full speed, to come into direct collision 
with the Cyclops at the door. He, too, had the same 
insane intention, and got through his part of the pro- 
gramme just in time ; for the attendant was rushing 
fiercely toward the throne-room when he had discovered 
our hero's absence, and — met him coming out, with an 
innocent and childlike smile upon his bearded face. The 
two monarchs had congratulatory hand shakes, and con- 
descended to accompany the plebeian tramps to the Bijks 
Museum, where were some masterpieces of Dutch art, 
the chief being Rembrandt's " Night-watch," and Yan 
der Heist's " Stahlmeisters." 

After a thorough appreciation of minor sights in 
Amsterdam, the tramps took their first long railroad ride 
as yet, directly to Cologne. At one of the small stations 



54 NANCY TARRIES. 

before we entered Germany, Nancy left us to procure 
some refreshment, and the doors were being locked, as is 
usual in the cross-sectioned cars of Europe, just before 
the train starts, and still he appeared not. We en- 
deavored to explain to the porter, but he did not under- 
stand us, and we were locked in, and the train was started, 
just as we saw Nancy, with flying garments and woe- 
begone countenance, rush wildly from the station. Three 
heartless tramps thrust their heads out at one window, 
and advised him to " hitch on behind ! Run alongside ! 
Telegraph yourself to the next station !" And, although 
we all felt sorry for Nancy's mishap, yet, knowing that 
he could take a train shortly after our own, we were 
inclined to picture the plight of the most fastidious, 
punctual, and sensitive tramp of all — the victim of his 
own rashness, alone and ignorant of any word of Dutch 
but " Kas," and not sure of that. 

But a sudden retribution was dealt to us for our 
hard-hearted merriment. We had been particularly for- 
tunate in having just the number, eight, to occupy every 
seat in a compartment, and so were safe from all intru- 
sion, when united. But now, at the next station, a huge 
German woman with a shrilly-squalling babe was thrust 
in by the guard for our companion to Cologne, vice 
Nancy, left behind. 



IV. 



COLOGNE AND COLOGNE. 




As we wandered along the streets 
of Cologne, in search of our German 
inn, we could not but notice the uni- 
versal politeness ; those of whom we 
made any inquiries touched their hats 
as we addressed them, and gentlemen 
in the street, meeting acquaintances, 
uncovered. We found our host of 
the " Billstein " most scrupulously 
polite, and, after procuring oui 
rooms, we gave our orders for supper, 
and seated ourselves to wait for it. 
As it was about to be served, mine host approached, 
and, bowing, wished us " Guten Appetit " (Good appe- 
tite), to which Bug, Handsome, and the Parson, in turn, 
replied, with great cordiality and smiling blandness, 
" Gute Nacht, mem Herr, Gute Nacht !" (Good-night, 
sir, good-night !), mistaking his greeting for Gute Nacht, 
as they had never heard of such a thing as the reality, 
and thought that the man was about to retire for the 
night. 



GUTEN APPETIT. 



56 A LARGE YIELD OF BOILED MILK. 

He evidently had not any such intention, and, with a 
puzzled expression on his face, abandoned his attempts to 
do the honors, and sauntered to the other end of the 
room. Our linguists were quite astonished, on returning 
at a very late hour, to find our polite host still up. We 
ordered some milk, and it was brought to us boiled, 
which aroused great wonder in the Parson, who cried out : 

" Why, they have their milk, here, boiling hot !" 

Whereat the Poet exclaimed : 

" That's just as I like it. It is delicious fresh from 
the cow." 

" But you don't understand, my boy ; this is fresh 
from the stove." 

" Oh," said Bug, " were you not aware that there is 
nothing like a good, German milk-stove for a big yield 8" 

After a night of indescribable anguish under the 
celebrated German feather-bed, we sallied forth, eager 
for " sights." 

Of course, we first visited the grand Gothic cathedral, 
to the fame of whose beauty, symmetry and grandeur 
my poor pen could not make the most trifling addition. 
In the interior, the tomb of the three magi especially 
interested Bug, who, skeptical on the subject of the gen- 
uineness of the bones therein, insisted upon speaking of 
it as the " tomb of the three magicians." The Object, 
while gazing at the vast quantities of stained glass, both 
ancient and modern, and the mighty Gothic lining of the 
nave and transept, suddenly caught sight of a young lady 



A CHAT IN THE CATHEDEAL. 57 

acquaintance from Hartford ; so he held a consultation 
with the tramps as to the advisability of accosting her, 
being painfully conscious, the while, of his barbarian-like, 
scraggy beard, his knickerbockers, .and his general out- 
landish appearance. Finally, he decided to " be manly, 
and not care how he looked," so the tramps scattered, and 
the Object addressed the lady, who " was charmed to meet 
him. How well he was looking, &c. !" but he, poor fel- 
low, already slightly embarrassed, was perfectly dismayed, 
on casting his eyes in one direction, to see Bug peeping 
cautiously from behind a pillar for a view of his charmer, 
the first stylish lady we had seen since leaving New York. 
Continuing his conversation with difficulty, he looked in 
another direction, and just caught sight of Cyclops as he 
dodged behind another pillar ; and met directly the eyes 
of Handsome, who was in the act of stealing a look from 
the other side of the same pillar. Distressed lest his 
friend should notice the rudeness, he scowled like a pirate 
at the faces of all the tramps but one — the never-self - 
forgetting Judge — as, one after another, they appeared 
from behind all the pillars that afforded a good view. 
Shocked that they should have so far lost control of 
themselves, out of a pure hunger for the sight of a pretty 
American face, he was obliged to hastily excuse himself, 
to pour forth the vials of his wrath upon their heads. 
To his burst of indignation, the scornful Nancy replied : 
" Now, don't you flatter yourself, young man, that we 

were looking at that young lady of yours I" 
3* 



58 



WE CROSS-EXAMINE J. M. F. 



" "Well, what were you doing, I should like to know ?" 
stormed the Object. 

"Why, my excited young fellow, we couldn't get 
near enough to take what can be called a look; but 
I will confess that we were trying to find the Judge, 
and borrow his field-glasses, so that we could look at 
her." 

"We entered a shop opposite the cathedral, in order to 
make the usual purchases of eau de Cologne, and, finding 

the proprietor quite talkative, pro- 
ceeded to seek information on the 
much agitated Johann Maria Farina 
question. Bug opened with : 

"Your name is Johann Maria 
Farina, isn't it V ' 

" Yes, sir — the only genuine !" 
" And what was your father's 
name," asked the Judge. 

" Johann Maria Farina, the only 
genuine." 

" And your grandfather's V y 
" The same, sir." 
" How about your son V 9 

" Oh, his name vas Johann Maria Farina, too." 
" And your grandson ?" gasped the Object. 
"I haf no grandson, but if I hat a grandson- 
" His name would be V 9 
" Johann Maria Farina, the only genuine 1" 




1 ' THE ONLY GENUINE 
FARINA." 



» 



BUG IS ASTONISHED. 59 

" Have pity on me," said the Parson, " and let me 
new buy my cologne in peace." 

" Just one more," desperately exclaimed the Cyclops. 
"How many families claim to be' the genuine Farina 
progeny, and have the original recipe ?" 

" Oh, dey vas been having some law-suits for a few 
hundred years, and now dey vas only aboud twenty-three 
of us left ; but dey vas no doubt aboud it. I vas the 
only genuine Joh " 

But we had fled, and the dreaded name fell on the 
empty air. Still, though we heard it not for a moment, 
we saw it on store after store, and Bug, unintentionally 
colliding with a stranger, said absent-mindedly : 

" Oh, 'scuse me, Mariar ! " 

" What do you mean, sir ?" asked the man. 

"Oh, beg pardon, p'raps you had rather be called 
Johann ! " 

" I don't understand your insults, sir. I am neither 
Maria nor Johann." 

" Not even Farina % " said Bug, in tones of the greatest 
amazement. 

" No, sir," said the stranger, angrily. " My name is 
Smith, sir, Smith, from Boston." 

"Is it possible? I humbly beg your pardon, Mr. 
Smith, but we are in Cologne, you see. Forgive me, I 
beg of you." 

Mr. Smith appeased, we wended our way toward the 
chapel of St. Ursula, where her bones and those of her 



60 BONES. 

ten thousand virgins ar? exhibited, under glass cases, in 
the walls, in the ceiling — everywhere ; but, unfortunately, 
said bones are, according to an eminent scientist, almost 
wholly those of cattle, sheep, etc. 

"It is a great pity," lamented the Judge, "that being 
the case, that some enterprising American don't buy up 
the concern, and turn it into a manufactory of fertilizers." 

Handsome and the Object crossed the Rhine to Deutz, 
where they took a swim in the river. The current was 
very swift, and it was almost an impossibility to swim 
against it, but a very pleasant amusement to dive, and be 
carried along with such startling rapidity. 

At our last meal in Cologne, Bug had the ill-fortune 
to break the back of a mahogany chair, and, after long 
and deep reflection upon his melancholy situation, he 
decided to call the landlord. On his appearance, Bug 
delivered himself of the following, mine host, it being 
held in mind, not understanding the first word of English : 

" Mein Herr, Ich habe dieses Stuhle — a — gehracht — 
a-a-LEANiNG back (this with a grandly expressive gesture) 
2L-&-against the wall ! ! A-a-es tlmt mir Leid." 

We walked from Cologne to Bonn, which we reached 
in the early evening, and, settling ourselves at the " Gast- 
hof zum Schwanen," we were charmed to find a hostess 
who most forcibly resembled the picture, " La Belle 
Chocolatiere." 

At Bonn, in a heavy rain, we made our pilgrimage to 
the graves of Niebnhr and Schumann, and were appro- 



STUDENTS OF BONN UNIVERSITY. 61 

priately melancholy all day, until the weather became 
pleasant, and we learned that there was to be a grand 
fete given by the university students, that evening, in 
celebration of the sixtieth anniversary of the founding of 
the university. 

Some American friends of the Parson's, who were 
studying there, gave us some very interesting information 
in regard to the student customs, and, as we walked 
through the streets, we met numbers of students wearing 
caps of peculiar colors and shapes, the insignia of various 
corps. One corps was termed " the fighting corps," as 
duel-fighting was its chief basis of organization ; but 
students of all corps fight, as we saw numbers with scars, 
of which they appeared to be very proud. In "the 
fighting corps," however, if there have been, for some 
time, no duels with outsiders, in order to enliven affairs 
and keep up their spirits, the members draw lots to decide 
which two shall be matched for a " duel." 

In the evening, about eight o'clock, the streets were 
thronged with people, and carriages rolled along, contain- 
ing students in rich and elegant uniforms, a part of which 
was a peculiar, gold-embroidered, flat hat, about the size 
and shape of a pan-cake, and fastened by elastic on the 
corner of the head, just above the right ear. The hair 
was elaborately dressed and oiled, and was parted down 
the back. As a rule, those in carriages — presumably the 
officers of the different corps — were rather good-looking, 
but immensely corpulent, and with a touch of the self- 



62 SOARS, EYE-GLASSES AND TORCHES. 

conscious aristo rat about them. Soon we saw the torches 
of the procession approaching, along streets gay with flags 
and decorations in its honor. We watched it pass, 
examining the faces closely, and, with characteristic 
modesty, deciding the crowd, in appearance at least, 
vastly inferior to an American college crowd. Scars and 
eye-glasses were especially abundant. 

Proceeding to the Poppelsdorf Avenue, an elegant 
boulevard in the outskirts of the town, where speeches 
and faint cheering were indulged in, the procession 
turned to the market place, before the Pathhaus. The 
Poet and the Object pleaded in vain to ascend the steps of 
the Pathhaus, in order to get a good view ; but, notwith- 
standing their representing themselves as American stu- 
dents, etc., the guards stationed in front of the building 
were inexorable, and we saw one of them " yank " a small 
boy, of about fifteen years, some ten yards, for presum- 
ing to come too near his highness. Military rule ! 
The procession formed completely around the large 
market-place, and the band struck up Gaudeamus, with a 
very feeble attempt at singing on the part of the students. 
On the whole, they were remarkably quiet and stupid, 
manifesting none of the uproarious enthusiasm and jollity 
of a Yale crowd upon a similar occasion. 

Gaudeamus sounded familiar and home-like, except 
that our imported version has been changed slightly, and 
by no means improved, in its music. After the render- 
ing, all the torches were hurled at once into the middle 



/ 



*LJ 



\ ±j<^ , s 







IN THE WEE SMA.' HOURS AT BONN. 

of the square, and a number of red lights were burned at 
different places around. The whole scene was a remark- 
ably beautiful and romantic glimpse of German student 
festivities. After the last fiery scene, the students ad- 
journed, as one man, to Beethoven Hall, to drink beer all 
night long, we were informed. 

The Judge and the Cyclops are great smokers, and 
each considers himself a capital judge of a cigar. 



04 TWO CABBAGE BUHNERS. 

While in Amsterdam, the former had purchased a box of 
cigars at a ridiculously low figure — about seventy-five 
cents (U. S.) for the box ; the Judge, also, had purchased 
some, at a slightly higher price, but still for a very small 
amount. The result was that each deemed his own de- 
licious, and equal to the choicest Havanas, but pro- 
nounced the other's very poor indeed ; so the Judge 
swore that Cyclops was no judge, and the Cyclops 
declared that the Judge's organs of taste had become so 
callous from constant smoking, that he could not, with 
his eyes shut, tell whether his cigar was lighted or not, 
much less could he distinguish between a fine and a poor 
cigar. They were continually exchanging, in order to 
have the pleasure of saying, " Now you'll find that a first- 
class one, my boy; such a pleasant change from your 
own, etc." So the Cyclops finally became a little nettled 
and confided to several of us that he was going to test 
the Judge a little, in the following way. He proposed to 
keep the next cigar the Judge offered him, smoking one 
of his own in its place, and then present the Judge with 
the same cigar as though one from his (Cyclops') box, 
then ask him his opinion of that cigar. Knowing that 
the Judge would be sure to condemn any cigar which he 
imagined was one of the Cyclops' " ten for a pfennig lot," 
as he termed them, we determined to utilize this favor- 
able opportunity of making each of the smokers con- 
tribute his share to the general amusement fund of the 
eight. So we approached the Judge with : 



CONSPIRACY. 65 

" Now, Judge, we are all disgusted with the airs the 
Cyclops is putting on, about those tobies of his, so we 
want you to play a good joke on him, by keeping the 
next cigar he offers you, and returning it to him, at your 
next opportunity, as one of your own." 

" Good scheme," said the Judge. " I'll do it." 
So the next time the two exchanged, each, without 
the other's being aware of it, secreted the cigar given 
him, and smoked one of his own. The denouement came 
after our return to the Schwan, when we sat around talk- 
ing, and Cyclops winked at us, and pulled forth the cigar, 

saying : 

" Come, Judge, do enjoy yourself for a few moments, 

and smoke one of my cigars." 

"All right, if you will smoke one of mine," said the 
Judge, also glancing knowingly at the tramps, who, with 
difficulty, composed themselves, and awaited the crash. 

"Come now, Judge, confess? What do you think 

of it?" 

" Well, I don't want to offend you, but I must say 
that this is the rankest, most tobacco-less thing that I 
have put in my lips since " 

" That unfresh egg on board the steamer?" suggested 

Bug. 

" No," said the Judge scornfully; "since I smoked 
the last cigar the Cyclops gave me." 

" Is that so ? " chuckled the Cyclops, as his face fairly 
beamed with mischievous satisfaction. " Well, as it must 



QQ AN UNPLEASANT SMOKE. 

be disagreeable for you to smoke it, and as I assure you 
that, were it not for the insult I should proffer you by so 
doing, I would throw this filthy weed away — suppose we 
agree to throw both cigars away, and neither of us feel 
offended." 

The Judge, of course, agreed at once, laughing in 
his sleeve at the success of his scheme, and bestowing 
many knowing winks upon us. 

The weeds were tossed away, and the Cyclops, catch- 
ing his breath first, half convulsed with laughter, shrieked : 

" Do you know what you have done? " 

" No, but you have just thrown away one of your own 
precious cigars, my boy," replied the calm, but triumphant 
Judge. 

" What ! " said the Cyclops, in tones of thunder. 

The rest of the tramps could restrain themselves no 
longer, and the Object, who was the first to recover from 
his mirth, said: 

" Go and hide yourselves in bed, my connoisseurs, 
both of you, and dream of cabbages and nicotine ! You 
have both been smoking your own cigars." 

And they went in haste — we heard no more of the 
cigar controversy. 

On the following morning, we started for a climb up 
the hill to the old church at Kreutzberg. A brisk walk 
through the paved streets of Bonn and the skirting 
villages soon brought us to our destination, where we 
had a good view of the Rhine, the Sebengebirge (or 



KREUTZBEEO. 6? 

Seven Mountains), with the Drachenfels prominent in 
their midst, and a clear sight of the grand Dom of 
Cologne in the distance. The fields all around us 
appeared in a state of careful and successful cultivation ; 
there were no fences, and but few trees, widely scattered, 
and almost every square inch of land seemed to be doing 
service. The combinations and contrasts of colors deserved 
admiring notice ; as every shade, from dark-green, through 
yellow, to dark-brown, was displayed in the unripe, 
ripening, and ripened crops of all varieties, and in the 
ploughed or stubble-covered fields. 

The quaint little church at the crest of the hill con- 
tained what were reputed to be the self -same marble steps 
which the Saviour ascended when on his way to Pilate, 
now the sacred objects of veneration to numbers of 
pilgrims, who are permitted to ascend them on the knees. 
Several mummified monks presented a most ghastly 
spectable. 

Passing several weather-beaten shrines, we retraced 
our steps to Bonn, and, passing through the extensive 
grounds of the university to a parapet over the Rhine 
and commanding a pleasant view, we dined there, in the 
open air, with the winding Rhine beneath, and the 
Drachenfels before us. 

We scraped acquaintance with a jovial old Hollander, 
who informed us that all men of his nationality were 
" frei und blei," and who sang a number of college songs 
for us, in Latin and German ; he laid claim to the com- 



68 THE BLACK MAN. 

position of one of them, when he was at college at 
Utrecht. 

Bug was in his element, in struggling with a conver- 
sation in his usual German, the striking feature of which 
is the utter devil-may-care way in which he assaults 
endings. Whether e, er, es, or anything else, it is all 
mere bagatelle to our linguist, who finishes a most 
extraordinary conglomeration of English, German, and 
Chinese, with an air of the greatest satisfaction and 
appreciation. Speaking of some, of the German student 
songs, he remarked to our frei und blei Hollander : 

"Wir haben the same songs — a — derselber songs 
(verstehen Sie ? ) in America — a — a — derselber Leid ! " 
Which last can be rendered " the same injury " — as well 
as it can anything else. 

The Parson and the Judge departed for Drachenfels, 
in advance, on the Rhine boat, and, as we paid our bills, 
we were amused to hear la belle chocolatiere speak of the 
Judge — whom we consider very good-looking, with his 
raven locks and moustache, dark skin, and deep-brown 
eyes — as "the black man." 

We set forth, once more, on foot, after crossing the 
Rhine on a flying bridge — so-called — which consists of a 
ferry-boat, at one end of a strong cable, whose other 
extremity is made fast, at some distance up stream, to a 
firmly-anchored buoy. The cable is supported, at intervals, 
by buoys consisting of small boats, until it is connected 
to the ferry-boat. So that the only propelling forces arc 



RHINELAND. 



69 



the tension of the cable and the force of the current, 
aided by skillful steering. 

We were entering upon the most beautiful part of the 
Rhine, beginning at Beuel and -extending as far as 




VIEW ON THE RHINE, NEAR MAYENCE. 

Mayence. We trudged along towards Drachenfels, 
through orchards, fruitful fields, and pleasant, shady roads, 
hard and smooth, and now meandering beside the river, 
now turning slightly aside and bordered by elegant 
summer residences, with landscape-gardened grounds 



70 POETICAL FRENZY. 

adorned with statuary. On to Koenigs winter, at the foot 
of the Drachenfels, where we dined in regular German 
style, and halted, for our mid-day rest, under the cool 
lindens. 

As soon as we had left Beuel, the sentimental Poet 
had stumbled upon Byron's — 

" The castled crag of Drachenfels 

Frowns o'er the wide and winding Rhine, 
"Whose breast of waters broadly swells 

Between the banks which bear the vine, 
And hills all rich with blossomed trees, 

And fields which promise corn and wine, 
And scattered cities crowning these, 

Whose far white walls along them shine, 
Have strewed a scene, which I should see 

With double joy, wert thou with me." 

So we all determined to memorize the lines. It was very 
pleasant at first, and we heard each other recite them 
individually ; then divided into threes, and recited them 
in unison ; finally all together, with a fine of a mark for 
any one who should make a mistake, shouted in unison : 

"The cas 'tied crag' of Drach 'enPELS ' 
Frowns o'er' the wide' and wiND'ing Rhine'," etc. 

The unfortunate Bug, rendering it, " The crastled cag of 
Drachenfels," instead of " The castled crag," etc., was 
mulcted two marks, for the common treasury. 

By the time we had reached the foot of the hill, we 
were so utterly sick of the sound of the lines, that any 



GARLANDS, DONKEYS AND RHYMES. 71 

farther attempt at declaiming them was immediately 
silenced by dismal groans. 

We toiled up, in this our first climb of any importance, 
manfully having resisted all proffers of donkeys— except 
that most of us were entrapped by a smiling female who 
crowned us with garlands of oak leaves, so hastily put 
together that they were in pieces before we were out of 
her sight. 

The Poet was perfectly happy when he saw her, as he 
now had, he said, "a breathing illustration of the charm- 
ing lines : 

4 And peasant girls, with deep blue eyes, 
And hands which offer early flowers 
Walk smiling o'er this paradise — ' " 

" Pity he didn't say anything about those same hands, 
dirty, and eager for pfennigs, and he might have added : 

444 And donkeys, ever on the rise, 
"Waltz smiling up this paradise,' " 

said Handsome. 

The Cyclops, as usual, kept in the dim distance behind 
us, with characteristic modesty, which never allows him 
to put himself forward any more than possible ; he says 
that his motto is, " Lots of time," which, to say nothing 
of its elegance, is very expressive. 

"Yes," replied the Object, "lots of times have I seen 
you rushing to chapel, at college, eating, as you ran, a 



72 



"lots of time." 



biscuit, an apple — anything. You 
had, evidently, been acting upon 
your most excellent motto, and were 
enjoying a flying breakfast in con- 
sequence." 

" True," answered the philo- 
sophic Cyclops. "But did you 
ever see me late ? " 

" No, I can't say that I did." 
"Ergo, I had lots of time — to 
get to chapel in ! " 
Finally, however, he got so far behind us that we 
could not see him at all ; so the other tramps sat on a seat 
cut in the rock, and chirped, on the inspiration of the 
moment : 




"lots of time." 



"Only waiting till the Cyclops cometh up the Drachenfe-els, 
Till he passeth by the donkeys ridden by the British swe-els! " 

{To the air of " Only Waiting.") 



He came, with a broad smile on his face, and we 
passed on to the ruins of the old castle at the summit. 
We drank in the charming scene-, with eager eyes, both 
surprised at its extent and delighted with its beauty, 
although we were "forcibly reminded, you know, ol 
those sweet lines, by Byron, I believe, ' The castled 



5 » 



crag, etc., etc. 

We had several companions, among whom was an 



HOMELY, BUT— PRETTY ! 



73 



exceedingly unprepossessing young German girl, in " low 
neck and short sleeves." 

The enthusiastic Poet, with his usual taste in the 

female line, burst out : 

" How I would like to kiss her,' boys ! " 

"Ugh, you can't mean it," said the Object. "Why, 
she is so homely that she would actually stop a clock." 

"Well, I know she is homely; but she is bright, and 
— and— (Ld pretty r sputtered the Poet, at loss for an 
adjective, and hitting upon one most strangely contra- 
dictory to his first one. 

We went bounding down the mountain, " from pre- 
cip'ice to precip'ice," as a friend of ours pronounced it, 
in giving a description of the chamois; and could scarcely 
check ourselves until we reached moderately level ground, 
where we turned for a last view of the romantic old 



rum. 



We wandered along the Ehine, until we came to a 
sort of jetty, where the force of the current was some- 
what lessened, making a swimming-place too tempting to 
be passed by untried ; so we inquired if we could swim 
there, and, receiving an affirmative answer, stripped and 
plunged in. But not until we had attracted, as spectators, 
some° fifty women and maidens, who looked intently on 
with perfect indifference, much to our embarrassment. 
Attributing it, as we did everything we could not explain, 
to "the custom of the country," we hastily put on our 
clothing, and sauntered on in the cool of the evening to 



74 THE DANCE-FIEND. 

the floating bridge, where we were to cross over to 
llolandsieck. 

By a happy chance, we met the Judge and the Parson 
on the ferry, and, crossing over, found a moderate hotel, 
with a large hall near it, in which was a very good 
orchestrion. Bug, Handsome, and the Object strolled in, 
and were enjoying their stein-kruge and the music, 
when Bug, " the dancing and acquaintance-forming 
fiend," suddenly rose, and walked toward a party seated 
in the opposite corner of the room. It was, apparently, 
a sort of convivial family party, as the ladies' ages varied 
from somewhere around eighty to the neighborhood of 
ten, and the men were likewise of all ages. They were 
all drinking quantities of red wine, and, while the orches- 
trion gave forth its dulcet strains, some of them danced ; 
while, in the intervals of its silence, they sang — most 
abominably. 

Notwithstanding all this, the brazen-faced Bug 
flourished in front of a buxom damsel, at the beginning 
of a polka, and actually succeeded in making her under- 
stand that he desired to dance with her, and, further, in 
gaining her consent. She rose ; he encircled her waist ; 
she gave him a hitch with her muscular arms that made 
him think he had waltzed his last waltz, and was en route 
for the ceiling, when, fortunately for him, the damsel 
became disgusted with his dancing, and stopped. Bug's 
face was a tide of crimson at this first failure, but he 
escorted her to a seat, and was bravely attempting to 



A POLKA. 73 

enter into conversation with her, when up came a huge 
German, and, scowling at him, hurried off the maiden. 
The pair joined in the dance, and whirled off, taking 
tremendous bounds and annihilating distance in a fearful 
and wonderful manner, one standing almost still, and the 
other racing around as if on a pivot, then alternating. 
Bug gazed a long while, and then, coming slowly and 
sadly toward his companions, resumed his seat; but not a 
word did he utter until the Cyclops, coming in, asked : 

"What is the trouble, Bug? Whence this melan- 
choly?" 

" Oh, nothing ! I tried to dance and — I flunked." 
Then muttering something like, " That ole drum in 
the orchestrion always did make me laugh ! " he seized 
his hat, and rushed off to ensconce himself between his two 
little feather-beds. The Cyclops and the Object aston- 
ished the aborigines by a waltz together, Cyclops dancing 
lady very nicely, and then we all followed the crest-fallen 
Bug. 



Y. 

WE AHB OURSELVES. 

We arose with the chicken, and started for Roland- 
sieck Castle, where Roland died of love, because hi& 
sweetheart, who had heard false news of his death, had, 




fcAttElOX 



RHINE CASTLE. 



in consequence, entered a convent and couldn't get out, 
which is a very long story in a very few words ! We 



THE MIGHIY PILE. 77 

started, I say, for we wandered and wandered, under the 
Parson's efficient guidance, and climbed and scrambled, 
and scrambled and climbed, but did not seem to get there. 
At last we saw a cleared space ahead. 

"Ah," said the Parson, "here it is at last," whereat, 
finding ourselves again nowhere in particular, Bug ex- 
claimed, waving his hand majestically towards a solitary 
gooseberry bush and a few heads of grain : 

" Behold the mighty pile ! " 

Again we started, the Parson saying, "Well, I am 
sure this is the way." Handsome replied, "Well, /think 
you are off your k-base." At which the horrified Parson, 
innocent of all slang, said, " What ! " in such a shocked 
and scandalized tone that it brought tears to our eyes — 
tears born of laughter. Finally we found the ruin, which 
was very much of — a ruin. On our way back to the 
Rhine road, we passed through the grounds of some 
nobleman, and went upon a terrace constructed of pieces 
of dark colored lava, in which were worked intricate pat- 
terns in appropriate colors — snakes, birds, trees, etc. — and 
underneath a gallery was supported by arches, worked in 
the same unique manner. 

Leaving Polandsieck behind us, we walked directly 
beside the river to Pemagen, along the road, built almost 
precisely over the old Poman road constructed in the 
time of Germanicus and Agrippina. At the Apollinaris 
Kirche, a fine specimen of the purest modern German 
architecture, and containing some exquisite paintings, we 



78 A WALK IN A CIRCLE. 

took a by-path leading over toward the little river Ahr. 
Fart of the tramps took the wrong path, and walked 
directly in a circle, back to the Apollinaris church. They 
thought, just before reaching it on the return trip, that 
they were approaching the Ahr, and the Poet cried out, 
in joyous tones : "Ah, here we are, at last, at the Ahr." 
But great was their amazement to find themselves again 
at their starting-point. 

When they were on the point of starting, the Judge 
rushed after them, and, in his calm, cold tones, informed 
them that they were taking the wrong path ; but Bug 
said that he did it in such a cocky way that they were 
bound to keep on, if they brought up at Constantinople. 

After a lively push on to Heppingen, the first village 
of the Ahr valley, they found the advance portion of the 
tramps in the garden of the one and only inn, reclining 
in an arbor, in different graceful attitudes, and waiting 
for the dinnei*, which they had ordered some time before. 
The garden was rich with pears, apricots, gooseberries, 
and, especially, plums; so, to the scandal of the party, 
Cyclops and the Object got, as the latter remarked, plum- 
full ; but the same righteous individuals who reproved 
the vandalism of the two, were very readily prevailed 
upon to accept portions of the spoils. 

After dinner we lolled around on the grass, and 
enjoyed ourselves, all except Nancy, who had so much 
fun with a poor, lone bee, that he bore the marks of its 
sting for some days; then we took up our canes and 



THE APOLLINARIS SPRING. 79 

packs, and went on our way to the Apollinaris mineral 
spring, a short distance from Heppingen. "We were 
politely treated by one of the proprietors, who, on hearing 
where we hailed from, and, mayhap, led on by our judi- 
cious compliments to the excellence of the water and its 
popularity in America, took us through the whole gigan- 
tic establishment. The supply of water was far greater 
than could be utilized, although there were bottled from 
sixty thousand to eight} 7 thousand bottles per day, and a 
great surplus stream ran down the gutter. Around the 
works, millions of bottles of stoneware were piled. We 
were taken through the vast storing and bottling rooms to 
the: spring, which was in a basin with stone walls and 
floor, and stairs leading -down to the bottom. Merely a 
large tin affair, with a great pipe issuing from it, was 
visible ; but, on descending the stairs, the carbonic acid 
gas was so dense as almost to overpower several of us. 
As it was, our eyes "watered" and our heads ached, 
momentarily. We learned that a stout German had, a 
few days previously, been overcome at the bottom of the 
stairs, and that it had taken six employes to carry him up 
them. At last, we were invited to the office, and prof- 
fered unlimited Apollinaris water, which had a most 
wonderful sparkle and life, as we drank it there. 

After a vote of thanks to our polite conductor, we 
proceeded on our weary way towards Altenahr ; but 
along the beautiful valley of the Ahr, with the grandest 
and loveliest scenery before us at every moment. It sur 



80 THE FAIR SEX AS WORKERS 

passed, in its wild beauty, anything we Lad yet seen ; 
rough crags were capped with flourishing green vineyards 
on every available point ; deep gorges and abrupt, rocky 
cliffs alternated with sunny slopes, freshly mantled with 
the carefully kept vines that yield the famous wines of 
the Ahr. Here and there were antique little towns, with 
crooked, dirty streets and dwellings, whose age one could 
but imagine. And each one, however insignificant, pos- 
sessed rows of trees, stretching into the distance, far 
beyond the confines of the village ; horse-chestnuts they 
were, in almost every instance, making lines of dense 
foliage and perfect symmetry. 

In the scrupulously cultivated valley we saw no cattle 
grazing ; for here they are entirely stall-kept, except when 
used for plowing, or some such service. In this glorious 
fatherland, we frequently saw cows toiling along before 
the plow, and women and girls reaping, digging, or car- 
rying enormous loads on their heads, so that, in the dis- 
tance, they looked like small hay-stacks on stilts coming 
slowly towards you. We hurried along, passing a party 
of Japanese walkers, who, we noticed, were making use of 
the French edition of Baedeker. 

And now it becomes the faithful historian's sad duty 
to chronicle the backsliding of two of the tramps, who 
transformed themselves into swell diligence voyageurs ; 
and, what was still more disgraceful, actually allowed 
themselves to take shelter during an infant rain storm. 
After the rain we saw them coming up behind us in 



HUNCHES. 81 

grand style, so we formed in two lines, one on either side 
of the road, doffed our hats, and in properly respectful 
attitudes, awaited the coming of the grandees. They 
heaped coals of fire on our heads jby offering to relieve us 
of our packs ; and, after inducing the weary Nancy to 
get in with them, the Judge thundered to their Jehu : 

" Gehen Sie an ! Gehen Sie an ! " which injunction 
approaches nearly to our friend Will Shakspeare's " Go 
to ! Go to ! " As our tortoise, the Cyclops, rushed along 
at his usual distance in the rear, he seemed to fairly drive 
the natives wild with wonder ; and he did look the pic- 
ture of barbarity, coatless, with his fancy shirt flaunting 
the air, and his Ingomar beard flying wildly around his 
shoulders. After being positive that each of six villages 
which we saw just ahead at six different times was 
Altenahr, and being disappointed just five several times, 
at the sixth trial we reached it and our pleasant little inn. 

At table d'hote next clay, which, as it was Sunday, 
was the first meal for most of the tired tramps, were 
numbers of well-dressed German travelers by diligence. 
The Poet, while wandering through the crowd at Bonn, 
had remarked : 

" I say, Object, have you noticed the sad number of 
hunchbacks we have seen this evening ? " 

"No," replied he; "but I have noticed a jolly num- 
ber of hunches on the opposite side of the body in this 
grand old Rhine-land." And here we had them in 

boundless profusion, all around us; we noticed especially 

4* 



U, nAri > > 



82 ELEPHAJMTS AT " TAG 

one party near us, consisting of three males and two 
females, all marked by the circumference characteristic of 
Deutschland, sampling first a red Ahr wine, next a white 
Mosel, and finally champagne. The result of this aston- 
ishing mixture was a state which may be described as 
bordering upon joviality, and the elephantine grace with 
which these enormous creatures bounced around the 
garden, in an after-dinner game of " tag," was striking 
and amusing. In the late afternoon Bug and the Poet 
started on toward Walporzheimer, and just before sun- 
set the Cyclops and the Object climbed up to Altenahr 
Castle, which is directly above the village, and is an old 
ruin upon a steep crag commanding a view almost 
entrancing. Sauntering up by an easy foot-path, we 
came to a large white cross, planted upon the highest 
pinnacle of the mountain, where we gazed with enthusi- 
astic pleasure upon by far the most wild and beautiful 
scene of the Ahr. Far down in the valley the river lost 
itself in picturesque windings, and around and about it 
on all sides were piled mountain upon mountain, whose 
bold outlines made a most romantic scene. Turning; 
reluctantly away, we scrambled down the mountain side, 
in the midst of a profusion of wild-flowers of unusual tints 
and shapes, and thickly scattered along all the by-paths. 

Walking rapidly down the Ahr valley, we met fre- 
quent crowds of peasants, dusty and forlorn, and as they 
trudged along, they sustained a peculiar half chant, half 
hymn, on approaching any of the wayside shrines. Eajh 



A SMALL LOAD OF PILGBIMS. 83 

party appeared to be divided into two distinct portions, 
and, as they responsively droned their dismal service, the 
effect was most weird. The first party we met we thought 
a funeral procession, which had forgotten that superfluity, 
the corpse ; but we met so many parties that we were led 
to make inquiries as to their character, and learned that 
all were on pilgrimages to some such Mecca as the Appoli- 
naris or Kreutzberg churches. 

Finally, we met a very high-toned party of pilgrim 
fathers, mothers, and children. First came a poor, raw- 
boned horse, struggling along the hilly road, and dragging 
after him a rude cart, containing full thirty returning 
pilgrims. Approaching a small village, we heard what 
sounded strangely like dancing music, and, on going 
nearer, found a grand peasant dance in full blast. We 
were somewhat inclined to go in, but hesitated on account 
of the rough crowd, and, as we were standing outside the 
door, deliberating, two unusually rough-looking peasants 
thrust their heads out of a window. One of them pointed 
at us, and laughed, and the other cried : 

" Hallo, fellows ! Come on in. We are in the very 
midst of a grand jamboree !" 

At this, we discovered that our " unusually rough- 
looking peasants" were none other than Bug and the 
Poet, taking in the whole performance ; so we followed 
their example, and watched the dance for some time, much 
interested in the strange contortions and gyrations of the 
uncouth dancers. There were one or two quite charming 



84 



TOO GOOD. 



Maedchen, but the majority seemed withered and pre- 
maturely old ; still Bug, with his dance-fiend assurance, 
took a partner, and whirled off in the dizzy maze ; but 
this time, we noticed, with the homeliest girl in the room, 
having, no doubt, a wholesome remembrance of his 
Rolandsieck experience, and a fear of burly rivals. We 










WW^WXm% 



RETURNED PILGRIA1S. 

stood wondering, especially, at the free way in which the 
wine flowed, and had quite a long conversation with one 
of the male participants in the revel. He informed us 
that most of the dancers had just returned from a long 
pilgrimage, and, fully conscious that they had too large 
an amount of sanctity on board, were trying to tone down 
a little by a night's revel. 

At the "zum Goldenen Stern," we slept the sleep of 
;he just, all but poor Bug, who complained that his " feet 
were unequal to our feats of walking," and, when we 
itarted out early next morning, limped like an old woman 
with the rheumatism ; but, with his usual indomitable 
pluck, kept on, and led the van, as we started down the 
road along the Ahr to Sinzig. 

At breakfast, we were interrupted by a diligence- 



AN INSULTING OFFER. 85 

driver coming to the door and shouting German at us in 
one steady stream. "We all confessed our utter inability to 
make out any meaning from his remarks — all except the 
great Bug, who said, disdainfully ; 

" What is the matter with you, boys ? Why, he is 
using the most simple words, and wants to know if we 
wish any fresh milk." 

The dismay of that eminent translator can be imagined 
when we afterwards learned, from some simpler sentences, 
that the man was merely seeking to induce us to employ 
him to drive us. Of course, we indignantly spurned the 
insulting offer, and, crossing to the right bank of the 
river, we were soon at Neuenahr, a watering-place of 
great local note. We took some warm mineral baths, and 
lounged around the reading-room and parlors of the large 
establishment for some time, then pushed on, feeling 
much refreshed — only to lose ourselves in a maze of paths, 
the one which we followed ending blind at the water's 
edge. 

After much puffing and wetting of feet, accompanied 
by mildly fretful expletives naturally to be expected, we 
crossed a small side stream, and, by virtue of frequent 
inquiries and a great waste of breath in unintelligible 
German, and in various other ways, we at last found 
a path leading us to Sinzig. To the tramps the word 
Sinzig, when translated, has quite an extended mean- 
ing — a miserable town, a wretched hotel, an exceedingly 
poor dinner 



86 A PLEASANT SEARCH. 

Proceeding, after dinner, in search of the mineral 
spring here, we stumbled upon an orphan asylum, and a 
boy's school, with a party of derisive youngsters, clad in 
nature's garments, bathing in a sort of pond in the front 
yard. We had several hair-breadth escapes from those 
inappreciative foreign dogs, and muscular German ama- 
zons armed with sickles, and, at last, found the " mineral 
spring," and made vain attempts to get some of its water 
from a pump which was probably never meant to work, 
but was set out from a pure love of the ornamental. 

Disgusted with everything connected with Sinzig, we 
turned our faces toward the Rhine, and bade farewell to 
Bug, as the condition of his feet obliged him to take a 
rest for a few days. So he boarded a Rhine steamer, 
upward bound, while the Cyclops, the Object, and the 
Poet, the last of the walkers, hastened on toward Ander- 
nach. 

While at the Hague, our friend, the old professor, had 
given us a list of hotels where, he said, we would find 
"gut Essen und Trinken, und sehr billig!" We had 
made this our motto, and had enjoyed our little inns with 
peculiar satisfaction. The " zum Anker " at Andernach 
was no exception, and we arose from under our beds to 
view, by sunrise, the old walls and watch-tower of the lit- 
tle Rhine town. The tower is a very interesting and 
ancient structure, of great height, and with a lovely view 
from its topmost point, to which wc climbed ; and the 
most popular German national song which has ever been 



SWEET SOUNDS OF ANDERTtfACH. 



87 



written is said to have been 
suggested by the grim watch- 
tower of walled Andernach. In 
order to gain an entrance, we 
were obliged to seek out and 
rouse the whole police force of 
the city, consisting of one wrin- 
kled, gray-haired, and decrepit 
individual, too feeble to climb 
the tower with us, and so re- 
maining outside until we came 
down and made him happy by 
the bestowal of pfennigs. 

"We walked through the 
town, commanding the usual 
curiosity, and being almost run 
over by a cart, pulled by two 
ferocious dogs, and containing 
two enormous porkers, who 
sent forth shrieks and squeals 
so heart-rending that an American pig would have com- 
mitted suicide for very envy. The dogs barked, the pigs 
squealed, their owner yelled, and the cart rattled noisily 
over the cobble-stones, and we lovers of harmony were 
happy. Farther on along the road we met another dog- 
cart, this time drawn by two diminutive, puny curs, yet 
carrying two full-grown men as a load. 

We speeded along the solid and even Rhine road, 




5^ 



YOUNG BLOOD OF ANDERNACH, 



83 WE BECOME ENTHUSIASTIC. 

which on the left bank hugs the river closely all the way 
from Cologne to Mayence ; it is covered with broken 
stone and some composition which renders it like our 
best macadamized roads, and is a paragon for the pedes 
trian or bicycle rider. During all this time, of course, we 
had been feasting on the glorious scenery, and ever and 
anon the enthusiastic Poet would insist upon our stopping 
for an examination of some particular beauty, with : 

" By Jove ! fellows, isn't that a grand view around the 
bend 'l Just look at that charming scene up that gorge, 
will you ? Well, that glimpse certainly surpasses any 
thing we have yet seen !" 

Oh, ye deluded ones, who think that ye have seen and 
appreciated the Rhine in a one-day's sail on a smoky lit- 
tle steamer ! Masters of our own views, free to enjoy as 
long as we chose any of more than common loveliness, in 
the exuberance of spirits belonging as of right to clear 
consciences, youth, and healthful exercise in the untainted 
air, we passed below ruined castles, those moldering 
monuments, on each of which is inscribed, in unseen 
characters, some legend, sad or charming ; on, by jagged 
cliffs, standing out in clear relief against the vine-covered 
hills in the background — and all with the swiftly-glidim;: 
Rhine shooting before, or twining among them in tur- 
bid splendor. In a moment of inspiration the Object 
said, " The reality is golden, the memory will be of 
silver !" 

At last, we saw the towers of Coblentz gleaming in 



THE JUDGE AS A BEGGAR. 89 

the distance, and soon the cliffs the other side of the 
Moselle. Crossing the bridge of the XIYth Century, 
with a glimpse of the peaceful scenes along the valley of 
the Moselle, and, brooding over the Rhine from the oppo- 
site bank, the gigantic fortress of Ehrenbreitstein. 

The tramps were united at dinner, and after a siesta 
on the part of the three who had just arrived, they 
adjourned in a body to the " Ehine Promenade," a beau- 
tiful walk and drive, directly beside the river, shaded by 
graceful trees, and ornamented by shrubs and flowers all 
along its great length. 

While taking tea at a large cafe in the city, the Judge 
left us for a few moments to procure a cigar, as his stock 
had given out. He stalked into a small cigar-shop, and, 
with his innate politeness toward the weaker sex, made 
one of his most grand and dignified bows to the old 
woman 'tending shop, when he was horrified and 
astounded by her immediately arising from her chair, 
taking from the cash-drawer one pfennig (about one-quar- 
ter of a cent), and presenting it to him, evidently sup- 
posing him to be beseeching an alms. Instead of 
completing the joke by keeping the coin, and thanking 
her, he burned incense before his offended dignity, by 
handing back the pfennig, and purchasing the most 
expensive cigar in the stock. But he made his most 
ill-judged move, when he returned to us and " told on 
himself," although it was really very kind and self-sacri 



90 COBLENTZ AND EHRENBREITSTEIN. 

ficing, as we never should otherwise have known of tbe 
blow our grandee had received. 

After the Judge's experience had been pronounced 
very natural by the unfeeling Bug, we adjourned to the 
brilliantly-lighted streets. Though almost all German 
cities we had seen had been very dirty, Coblentz, with 
what amounted to surface drainage, for variety and vile- 
ness of odors and dirt, " carried off the cake." 



VI. 

VAGABONDISM BESIDE THE RHINE. 

We crossed the river by the bridge of boats, and 
experienced some little fatigue in climbing to the inner 
gates of Ehrenbreitstein, where we were taken in charge 
by a soldier, who was to guide us to the different points 
of interest. Anxious to make two fees instead of his one, 
he endeavored to handle another party of sight-seers at 
the same time with ours, and was rewarded by an officer's 
depriving him of both, and himself conducting us to the 
highest vantage point, where we had a clear view of the 
Rhine, from the handsome castle of Stolzenfels, as far as 
the lofty tower of Andernach, and, opposite us, of the 
beautiful Moselle valley. 

As we retraced our steps toward Coblentz, we passed 
hundreds of soldiery, for the most part clad in a rough 



BUSSIAN SARCASM. 91 

working suit of some light-colored material, and but few 
in full uniform. We examined the old church of St. 
Castor, with its curious frescoes and paintings, and, near 
by, a monument with two inscriptions cut in it, in French. 
The first signified that, " This monument was erected in 
commemoration of a great victory over the Russians;" 
the second, a Russian general's masterpiece of sarcasm, 
informed the reader that the above had been " Seen and 
approved by the commander of the victorious Russian 
forces at Coblentz " — such a date, etc. 

The tramps held a council of war, and decided to fix 
upon Heidelberg as the next place of re-union, and, until 
then, to divide into parties of two and three, as eight 
could with difficulty settle upon the same plans. So the 
Cyclops, the Poet, and the Object started out from Cob- 
lentz, amid the derisive cheers of the rest of the tramps, 
who had their fill of walking for a time, and soon reached 
the Stolzenfels. 

During all our walks, the appetite of the Cyclops had 
varied directly as the amount of exercise taken, and 
clamorous, yet plaintive appeals for more food were con- 
stantly being heard. He cheered the hearts of numerous 
fruit- women by purchasing huge portions of their stock, 
and devoted himself to Pflaumen, Apricose — " anything," 
as he said, "to keep the wolf from the door." Here, 
after dinner, he attacked another fruit-stand, with the war- 
cry, " The wolf is at the door ! I must buy some more 
Pflaumen (plums)." 



92 CYCLOPS TO BE UTILIZED. 

" Cyclops," said the Object, " I have discovered, at 
last, one thing at which you might actually be of some 
service." 

" Well, you have solved a problem that has for many 
weary years been bringing the gray hairs of my parents 
with sorrow to the grave," replied the Cyclops, arresting, 
for the moment, the flight of a luscious plum to his 
mouth. 

" You will make a first class hare, in our next game of 
' Hare and Hounds,' in New Haven. Instead of by bits 
of paper, you can mark your course by simply enjoying 
yourself eating plums, and dropping the pits behind you. 
Look at the trail you have left along the road ! " And, ve- 
rily, far back into the distance, stretched a line of plum-pits. 

As we made the ascent of Stolzenfels, we passed 
a veritable Roman mile-stone, half covered with the 
moss of centuries. Reaching the castle, which is now 
the property of the Emperor, and is filled with collections 
of old china, curious goblets, antique furniture, etc., on 
entering, we were compelled to put on large, padded, 
woolen overshoes, to prevent our scraping the inlaid floors, 
and then we were conducted through the various apart- 
ments. The little chapel contained some famous paint- 
ings on a gilt background, the subjects all scriptural ; and 
the heavy, carved furniture in the Emperor's sleeping 
apartments was very elegant — in fact, all things were pre- 
cisely what one would have expected in the abode of a 
monarch of considerable taste. 



A SCABBED YETEBAN. 



93 



One of our companions at the top of a lofty tower, to 
which we resorted for the view, was a young German 
student, with fully thirty livid scars upon his face — an 
instance oi the extent to which' it is possible to be 
disfigured in their ridiculous duels. 

We crossed the river, and walked from Oberlahnstein 
to Ems, the famous watering-place ; arriving there in the 
evening, we engaged apartments, and proceeded at once 
to the center of attraction, the Curhaus and Cnrsaal, with 
their tasteful grounds and promenades outside. Numbers 
of people, dressed in the extreme of fashion, were 
promenading, or sitting at the tables of the very large 
Cafe, or on the benches through the grounds, which were 
skirted by the Lahn, on whose waters were several small 
row-boats, handled by charming little oars-women. The 
music, under the leadership of 
Liebig, the composer, was exqui- 
site, and I presume we enjoyed 
it as much as any of the gay 
crowd with which, regardless of 



our way-worn appearance, we <yi= 
freely mingled. We listened 
through to the very end of a 
finely selected and beautifully- 
rendered programme ; were 
cheated a little at the Cafe — home news. 

merely for experience — and then went to the large and 
elegant reading-rooms, where we three poverty-stricken 




AP 



94 IN" OUR CUPS AT EMS. 

and bedraggled " Fussgaenger " kept the whole force of 
waiters and chandeliers on the go, until we finished our 
American papers, the first we had seen since leaving 
home. 

Having forgotten, not merely the situation, but even 
the name of our hotel, we wandered sadly about the 
streets, examining closelj 7 the appearance of each hotel, 
until we, at last, recognized it, and hurried to the sleep of 
the just and the weary. 

Arising, next morning, at about six o'clock, we pro- 
ceeded at once to the Curhaus, around which were gath- 
ered thousands of people, up to drink the waters and hear 
the music. Each one carried a cup, usually of some 
pretty design in glass or porcelain. We elbowed our way 
to the springs, around which thronged the crowd, to be 
served by girls, who took the cups presented and filled 
them with the spring water. Some kept their cups there, 
and, giving in their numbers, were served. We informed 
the " dipper" that we had no cups, and, after some diffi- 
culty, were supplied with the warm, and — to us — disa- 
greeable water. We gulped it down, however, and 
hastened off to breakfast, but found that our restaurant, 
as well as all others near at hand, was not yet open ; so, 
following the example of the rest of the crowd, we stayed 
our appetites with rusks, which were sold in large quanti- 
ties at stands beside the promenades. 

Finally, after being cheated at our hotel — for variety's 
6ake — we took the train for Oberlahnstein, and were soon 



A DISGUSTED HOTEL-KEEPER. 95 

on the Rhine road, hastening toward the Koenig's Stuhl. 
Shortly before we reached it, we came upon a mineral 
spring which is directly in the stream of the Rhine, and 
is inclosed by masonry built from the bottom of the river, 
and projecting slightly above the surface. We went into 
the bottling establishment on shore, but, notwithstanding 
a repetition of those insinuating compliments to the 
water, which had been so successful at the Apollinaris, we 
were obliged to show first our pfennigs, before tasting. 

The Konigsstuhl is an octagonal structure, just beside 
the river, interesting from its historical associations as 
having been the place of meeting of the old electors. 
Striding on, amidst the same castle-studded scenery and 
the Cyclop' s laments about " the wolf," we stopped at 
Boppard for dinner, when we allowed our hunger to make 
wild havoc among the viands, not being aware that, during 
all our gormandizing, the hotel proprietor sat immediately 
opposite. We noticed that our vis-a-vis was a very sour- 
looking individual, who stared fixedly at us when we 
helped ourselves so abundantly to each successive course. 
But his heart was completely broken when the voracious 
Cyclops, who had had two enormous helps of pudding 
(whereas one portion of each course at tdble-d > -hote is 
never exceeded with propriety), seizing upon a passing 
waiter, took a third portion. Then the old gentleman 
was obliged to hastily rise and retire. " The racket was 
too much for him," said the Poet. 

Pushing on, delighted to hear from the Cyclops that 



90 " SILENTLY FLOWS THE KHINE." 

the wolf had momentarily ceased to gnaw, we crossed 
from St. Goar, to climb the height of the Lorelei, ren- 
dered so famous by Heine's charming little song. We 
found the climb quite steep, and wearying after our day's 
walk, but at last the Poet and the Object reached the 
summit, and imagined the Cyclops, about half-way up, 
bearing a banner embroidered with his motto, " lots of 
time," and mounted on a staff in the shape of a Holland 
cigar, and labeled, "ten fojr one pfennig." The central 
figure of the view before us was the grand Rhine, cutting 
its way deeply between the steep hills, covered with ter- 
raced vineyards, the sides of the hills being so lofty and 
abrupt that it looked as though the huge sword of some 
olden-time giant had cut out a channel between them. 
We roused ourselves to a high pitch of poetical enthu- 
siasm, as we looked on the scene just as the poet saw it, 
in the cool even time, as the sun was setting. 

11 Die Luft ist kuehl, und es dunkelt, 
Und ruhig fliesst der Rhein, 
Der Gipfel des Berges funkelt, 
Im Abend-sonnen-schein." 

And we turn from the rosied outlines of the mountains 
across the river to the rapid, rushing Rhine, rolling on as 
noiselessly as if a painted river. We stood in pleasant 
silence until it grew almost too dark to descend even the 
path ; yet the Poet and the Cyclops thought they would 
try to descend on the side towards onr destination, while 



A SLANDEBOUS ECHO. 



97 



the Object preferred to hug the path, the consequence of 
all this being that the venturesome pair narrowly missed 
a slide from top to bottom of the crag, with no stops for 
refreshments, and were glad finally to return to the top 
and seek the path, awe-stricken by their narrow escape. 

Between the foot of the Lorelei and Oberwesel is a 
grand echo, the same one of which is related a custom of 
the German students, who shout to it a question meaning, 




WARBLING TO THE ECHO. 



" Who is the burgomaster of Oberwesel V ' The echo 
returns the last two syllables, " -Es-el," which compose the 
word signifying " an ass." We tested it with warbles, 
Yale "Ra ; s," shrieks, and whistles, and then walked 
leisurely on, watching the scenery fade into mere misty 
outlines, as the light failed. 

When we arrived opposite Oberwesel, which was on 
the other side of the river, and our intended stopping- 
place, it was quite dark, and we found to our dismay that 



98 WANDERINGS IN THE DARK. 

we could not procure a boat of any description to cross in. 
After wild propositions to sleep under our rubber-coats, on 
the ground by the river side, or else in a tempting field of 
newly-cut grain, with sheaves for bed, pillows, and cover- 
ing, we hurried on until, at last, we descried a light 
ahead. Finding that it shone from a small house, we 
determined to lodge there, if possible ; so we knocked 
loudly on the door, but only to disturb a family gathering, 
and be harshly repulsed, although we did succeed in 
obtaining a glass of water, and the very definite informa- 
tion that there was a town — somewhere ahead. A heavy 
thunder-storm was now coming up behind us, and, tired 
as we were, we increased our pace until, finally, we broke 
into a rapid run. The road on the right bank is rough 
and stony in places, and here especially bad, and as we ran 
along in blackest darkness, ever and anon our poor toes 
came into violent contact with unseen great stones. Just 
as a few large drops pattered down, we saw lights ahead, 
and found ourselves, as the storm burst in all its fury, in 
front of a small Gastwirthschaft ; hastily entered, and 
received, with thankful hearts, an affirmative reply to 
our usual inquiries concerning " Zimmer und Fruhstueek" 
(lodging and breakfast). In the coffee-room were a num- 
ber of old Germans, taking their wine and smoking their 
pipes with great solemnity. 

From the first evening we had spent in Germany, we 
had indulged in drinking, at each meal of the day, the 
wines native to the spot we were then resting in. As a 



A SOCIAL EVENING. 



99 




GERMAN PIPERS. 



matter of health, avoiding the water of almost all these 
localities was imperative, and one can very easily afford 
the luxury of delicious white or red wines at fourteen 
cents per pint. Here we joined the quiet party of village 
patriarchs, and, after a short evening with them, retired 
to our huge, old-fashioned beds. The feather-bed on top 
of one had now grown to be a great luxury, and we never 
for a moment thought of throwing it off. 

Emerging from our nest-like sleeping-places at a fresh 
morning hour, we walked on along the right bank until 
we reached the Niederwald, opposite Bingen. We decided 
that, after our last evening's run and the morning's walk, 
we could conscientiously indulge in donkey in the ascent ; 
so we selected three from the large number in waiting, and 
were soon being trotted up the mountain side, in grand 



100 WE RIDE " STRADDLERS." 

style. Instead of following the usual mode here, which 
is for both gentlemen and ladies to make use of the side- 
saddle, we preferred to ride astride, and we could easily 
touch our feet to the ground. The peculiar advantage in 
riding such small animals is that, should they attempt to 
carry you over a precipice, or perform any uncomfortable 
antics, you can insure your safety by simply straightening 
the limbs, and allowing the unruly animal to go whither 
lie listeth. The Cyclops, in making the bargain with an 
English-speaking German who had procured the donkeys 
for us, had been unable to make him understand that we 
wished to ride astride, until he had informed him that 
" we wanted slraddlers." This, with the aid of a graceful 
explanatory gesture, had the desired effect, and we pro- 
ceeded on our way at a moderately fast trot, yet followed 
closely by the donkey-girls, who urged on our animals 
with switches, and, although they kept pace with them to 
the very summit, did not show the least signs of fatigue. 
It was a remarkable and queer fact that our little donkeys 
possessed characteristics resembling certain ones of their 
riders. (Now this is a confession which evil-minded per- 
sons may construe more broadly than is intended !) 

We had not gone ten rods before the Cyclops' animal, 
though much the largest and strongest of the three, was left 
far in the rear, and, all the way up, now it remained behind 
a long distance, now, making one of the Cyclops' own old- 
time spurts, it would almost catch up with ours, only to 
fall back again. The Object's beast was a very frisky 



A CHINESE BISHOP. 101 

animal, cavorting around the path in an exuberance of 
spirits, and evidently fond of a practical joke, such as 
throwing him over his head, or some equally playful 
performance. The Poet's was afflicted, like himself, with 
a severe cold, as he made evident by sneezes, wheezes, 
and much blowing. As they rode up, the Poet and the 
Object could turn back and see Cyclops, a broad smile on 
his bearded face, his feet now and then trailing upon the 
ground, and a new strap which he had purchased that 
morning for his little pack, and which bore a very close 
resemblance to an old suspender, gleaming in the sunshine 
with its stripes of gorgeous hues. 

With an English-speaking guide, we made the tour of 
the various points of interest, first visiting a large and 
winding cave, at whose end were three small apertures cut 
through the rock, and which afforded charming glimpses 
of the opposite side of the river, at the ends of long vistas 
made by cuttings through the forest covering the side of 
our hill. Thence to an artificial ruin commanding a view 
of quiet little " Bingen on the Rhine," nestling close to 
its skirting river, the JSahe, and, on an island in the 
Rhine, a small tower, which our guide pointed to and 
said : 

" That vas the notorious tower where the wicked 
Bishop Hatto von Mainz vas by rats devoured up." 

"Indeed," remarked the Object, quietly. "So that 
is the identical tower in which the Bishop devoured 
rats! Ah, was the gentleman a Chinaman ? " 



102 FAMOUS VINEYARDS. 

" You vas not understand," expostulated the gnide. 
" It vas the rats who devour up the wicked Bishop. 
There vas a poetry write about it in English ? " 

" Ah, yes, I see," drawled the Object. " Aw, did it 
kill the rats?" 

Our guide deigned not a word in reply, but hurried us 
away to several other sights of no great interest. Passing an 
enormous granite monument in process of construction, to 
commemorate the formation of the German Empire, we 
took a steep foot-path leading directly downward through 
the celebrated E-uedesheimer vineyards. We fell in with a 
sociable German, who guided us among the vines to the 
little village of Ruedesheim, talking voluminously the 
while about the red and white wines, and finally taking 
us to a small inn where we were shown through the wine- 
cellar and presses of the establishment, and were told 
about the mode of making and keeping the wines. 

The Object, at tea, indulged in some " Ruehreier," a 
peculiar combination of eggs, onions, and butter, and of 
very suspicious appearance, but quite palatable — when 
one shuts his eyes. 

By Rhine steamer to Biebrich, we passed the Schloss 
Johannisberg, and its vineyards, yielding the enormously 
precious wine of that name, and sailed through the 
Rheingau, a fertile but very uninteresting region. 

Reaching Wiesbaden by rail, the next morning, we 
were delighted to find it combining the beauty of a city 
of imposing buildings, broad streets, and pleasant trees, 



LOVELY WIESBADEN. 103 

with the liveliness of a model watering-place. In front 
of its Cursaal is a large square, flanked bj long colonnades, 
in which are bazaars displaying most tempting wares ; the 
square itself is a grand mass of m'ost exquisite flowers, 
arranged in tasteful color patterns. The effect of the 
illumination of its two large fountains, in the midst of the 
dazzle of the jets lighting the colonnades, is very pretty. 
The Cursaal itself is a beautiful building, with a grand 
saloon, which is very striking in its magnificenc of inlaid 
work, statuary, and pillars of polished, dull-red and 
gray marble. The large park in the rear has artificial 
waters, so completely stocked with gold-fish that, when 
morsels of bread are tossed in to them, they gather in 
solid, wriggling masses, half of which would be lifted out 
of water by the support of the voracious little fellows 
beneath them. The waters of the Kochbrunnen we 
merely touched our lips to, as they were too warm 
(147° F.) to suit our taste. We lounged around the 
center of attraction, watching a fountain send up its 
huge jet to the height of almost an hundred feet, and 
listening to the music from the large orchestra. An 
inappreciative pug dog came strolling into the space before 
the music-stand, in an interval between the rendering of 
two selections, a smile of contentment upon his wrinkled 
phiz, as he waddled along calmly in the soft summer's 
day. Suddenly the orchestra struck up, and what a 
change came over the animal ! Puzzled and bewil- 
dered, frightened, and at the same time indignant, with 



104 A MUSIC-LOVING PUG. 

tail between bis legs, be approacbed nearer and nearer the 
dreadful music. At last, rushing frantically around in 
the midst of the throng, he gave vent to the most dismal 
and heart-rending howls of disapproval that ever welled 
forth from disgusted canine, and he made them rise and 
swell grandly over the notes of the instruments, causing a 
general laugh of listeners and performers alike, that made 
a most indescribable mixture of howls, laughter, and 
music. He was soon seized by an official, who charged 
the inoffensive Poet with being the owner of the brute ; 
which accusation being indignantly repelled, the unmusi- 
cal wretch was carried away, yelping horribly. 

In the evening we visited the theater, where we found 
a large audience, with many peculiarities. By far the 
larger portion of the house consisted of ladies in light 
dresses, and without hats, also without escorts of any 
kind, some arriving in parties of two or three, but, 
generally, alone and unattended. The part of the theater 
where were the cheapest seats corresponded in position to 
the parquette circle at home. During the 'tween acts, 
people in the midst of the house would stand upright, 
and, turning in all directions, composedly survey the 
whole audience through their glasses, continuing the 
operation sometimes for at least a quarter of an hour. 
There were very few pretty young ladies present ; in fact, 
they appeared to be a great rarity in Germany, as even 
our observing notice had not found a dozen since our 



AT THE THEATER. 105 

landing, and those we had seen were in almost every 
instance our own compatriots. 

" See more pretty girls in New York in an hour than 
you can here in a month," growled the Object. 

The curtain went up like a board, flat and straight, 
without rolling. The comedy presented was a very 
laughable one, and we managed to get a fair idea of what 
was going on from the fine acting, and catching a word or 
sentence here and there. " Onkel Haessig " was its title, 
and the audience bestowed deafening applause upon 
several of the actors, calling them out frequently, and 
shouting " Bravo ! " until there was, at times, a perfect 
roar. Not a very good example of the apathetic German 
audience one hears so much about. 

The hours are very early, the performance beginning 
at half -past six o'clock, and closing before ten ; and, even at 
that hour, we found, on going from the theater to the Cur- 
saal, that the grand ball of the evening was just break- 
ting up. 



VII. 

FROM DIRTY MAYENCE TO A STUDENT'S PARADISE. 

With regret we left Wiesbaden for Mayence, and, on 
our first morning at the latter place, we started for the 
citadel, to view the Eichelstein, a monument erected to 
Drusus. But, after our long walk there, it appeared 



106 



SUCCESSFUL STRATEGY. 



that, on that particular day, no visitors whatever were 
allowed to enter ; so we held a consultation, and deter- 
mined to enter vi et armis, if necessary, and adopted the 
following course of action, which worked to a charm. 

Reaching the gate, where a 
guard was pacing up and down, 
we walked directly on, meeting 
his expostulations with bows, 
cordial smiles, and "I don't un- 
derstand German," and, pretend- 
ing not to comprehend a word 
that he said, we still smiled, but 
still advanced, and at last reached 
the object of our pilgrimage. 
The old Roman masonry of the 
monument is almost completely 
hidden by modern ; so we found it not remarkably 
interesting, after all ; but, as we stood examining, our 
furious guard returned, bringing with him seven other 
blanks, each worse than himself, and we were ignomin- 
iously conducted forth, perfectly satisfied, however, as we 
had accomplished our design. 

We spent an afternoon in the cathedral, an aged-look- 
ing edifice of several different styles of architecture, and 
presenting, as viewed from the outside, rather of a jum- 
ble, and the appearance of being much the worse for 
wear ; but the interior has been magnificently restored, 
and the elaborate paintings of the dome and nave are very 




GENIAL GUARD. 



A MUCH-BEDECKED BEADLE. 107 

beautiful. The cathedral is crowded with ancient and 
curious monuments, and there is wonderful carving, cf 
the greatest massiveness, in the choir. No one is allowed 
to move about, for the sake of sight-seeing, while service 
is being conducted ; so, as we arrived while high mass 
was being performed, we were obliged to take seats and 
watch the service, after a slight glance at some of the 
antique monuments ; but we stole from our seats, now and 
then, to examine them more closely, hoping to accomplish 
by stealth what we dared not do openly, for fear of a ter- 
rible beadle, an appalling example of how much trumpery 
one male can carry about upon his person. He wore an 
enormous beaver cocked-hat, a coat whose foundation 
material was almost completely hidden by gilt stripes, 
innumerable brass buttons, vast epaulettes and aiguil- 
lettes, "pantaloons," much laced and striped, and a wide 
scarf of velvet, embroidered heavily w T ith gilt. To com- 
plete his outfit, he carried a large drum-major's baton, 
and had, suspended over his manly breast, a huge silver- 
plated badge, which resembled, in size and shape, a steer- 
age soup-plate. He stalked about with the mien of an 
emperor, and jealously watched any movement from the 
seats. At last, he pounced upon the poor Poet, the most 
innocent of the trio, and after a long harangue, which the 
grinning Cyclops and Object took in from the distance, 
he set free the would-be delver into the secrets of the 
past, on condition that he would remain seated. As soon 
as the old gentleman's back was turned, we skipped for 



108 SINFUL EXTRAVAGANCE. 

another region of the cathedral, where we were examining 
a curious old vase of great size, when we saw our tor- 
mentor approaching at almost a run, and, deeming discre- 
tion the better part, beat a hasty retreat. Only to return 
soon for a look at the famous bronze door, and to enter 
the cathedral again, and take seats, very demurely, in a 
side-chapel, soon to commence our perambulations and to 
have our Argus-eyed monster again hurry toward us ; but 
just then the service was finished, and he was powerless, 
so we roamed at will through the choir, where was our 
mahogany carving. 

After visiting the other sights of dirty Mayence, we 
walked leisurely across the bridge of boats to Castel, to 
take the train for Frankfort. As we feared that we had 
either lost our train, or had but a few moments to spare, 
the Cyclops relieved the Poet of his pack, and the latter 
hurried ahead to purchase the tickets. He bought them, 
and roused the Object's most bitter ire, by absolutely 
throwing away the enormous sum of over a mark, by pro- 
curing tickets for a Schnell-zug (fast or express train), with 
none but first and second class cars, whereas we might 
just as well have gone by our ordinary snail-zug, as he 
remarked, for that amount less. One comes to rank 
marks almost as dollars. They seem to go almost as far 
here as a dollar does at home, and, actually, the existence 
of so many coins of exceedingly small value has the effect 
of making one value beyond its due an amount measured 
in them. An extra charge is made, in Germany, for the 



A VERITABLE GOTHIC. 109 

ride by Schnell-zug, arid even they are quite slow, while 
the ordinary trains are simply that kind of which some 
one complains, "where they ought to put the ' cow- 
catcher' on the rear of the train, to keep the animals 
from walking right in." Except that it would not pre- 
cisely apply here, as they have no " cow-catchers " upon 
their locomotives. 

The scenery between Mayence and Frankfort is very 
uninteresting, and we saw nothing which attracted our 
notice, except, at one small station, a very tumble-down, 
dilapidated, old building, evidently a cow-shed, and in a 
most filthy condition. "That," remarked the Object, 
motioning toward the disreputable pile, " that, the guide- 
book informs us, gentlemen, is one of Mr. Gothic's finest 
productions. Its genuineness is disputed by some archi- 
tectural savants, who claim that they find traces of the 
master-hands of Mr. Romanesque and Mr. Renaissance ; 
but it is probably a genuine Gothic." 

During all the ride, the wolf had been repeating his 
old-time amusement of gnawing at the vitals of the 
Cyclops ; so our first exploit in Frankfort was to enter a 
swell-looking ice-cream saloon, and partake of some ices, 
for which we were anticipating exorbitant charges, as 
usual in such places, but were "perfectly reckless, and 
determined to impress the natives of Frankfort with the 
extravagance of the American youth," as the Cyclops 
grandly remarked. "We were very agreeably surprised 



110 RECHERCHE FOREIGNERS. 

when the fair one in attendance demanded b\^; fifty 
pfennigs from each of us. 

" No doubt the poor girl was compelled to reduce her 
price in consequence of the magnetic glances which we 
three experienced lady-killers bestowed upon her. She 
conld not have the heart to cheat three foreigners of such 
distingue bearing and handsome looks, not to mention 
our recherche wearing apparel," remarked the Poet. 

Frankfort we found the most charming and Parisian- 
like of German cities ; its broad, well-paved streets lined 
witli beautiful buildings, built with a profusion of Cary- 
atides, for which the city is famous. Friezes, and exter- 
nal frescoes upon gilt ground were very common, and 
there were walks and drives thronged with well-dressed 
people. The Object put on his ta-ta hat, and was the 
cynosure of all eyes. 

Late in the evening, after a delightful walk across the 
Main and to several of Frankfort's celebrated statues, we 
returned to our hotel, to be met, at the landing of the top 
floor, by our proprietor, who eagerly urged us to (this is 
the Poet's) : 

" Go with him to his billiard-room, and punch the ivory sphere, 
Sit with him in his coffee-room, and drink the foaming beer, v 

and all at his expense — anything, only we must go. 

He was so strangely anxious and pressing, and had so 
evidently been lying in wait for us, that we were inclined 
to be suspicious of the man. Finally he said : 



THIRSTING FOR KNOWLEDGE. 



Ill 



" Oh, shentlemens, you speak so goot English, I vanl 
mooch to speak it mit you ! " 

Which may have been his reason, but we declined all 
his invitations on plea of fatigue, and, after profuse apol 
ogies, retired. 




DANNECKER's ARIADNE. 

We had long been looking forward to a visit to the 
gallery of statuary here, which contains, among other 
attractions, that charming piece of sculpture, " Ariadne 
and the Tiger," of which one sees so many copies and 
photographs. It was shown in a rose-colored light, and 
we gazed upon it until perfectly satisfied, and then turned 
from it to the other sights of Frankfort. To mention but 
few, we passed through the Jew quarter to the historical 



112 WE CALL ON THE BARN. 

Roemer Platz, within whose precincts, until very recently, 
no member of the much-despised Hebrew race could 
enter. In olden times, all Frankfort's Jews were kept in 
their own quarter by chains. We visited the dingy office 
of the renowned Rothschilds, an enormous bnilaing, as 
silent as the grave. The Cyclops proposed requesting to 
be shown to the Baron (barn, he irreverently persisted in 
calling him), and requesting him to change a one-pfennig 
piece into French money for us ; but, fearing that it 
might bring on unforeseen complications in the money 
market, we refrained. 

Turning our steps toward the Bourse, we walked for 
some distance through the Anlage, or park of narrow 
breadth surrounding the whole city. We j3assed, now and 
then, one of the old towers which marked the walls of 
Frankfort as it was, and found ourselves in front of the 
new opera-house, the most imposing modern structure we 
had yet seen in Europe. Built of white stone or marble, 
it was of noble proportions, and adorned with impressive 
statuary and Caryatides. The Bourse is a handsome old 
building, in the Indian style, the interior being filled with 
numerous black marble pillars, spreading out at their tops 
into broad, fan-like folds of white, which form the ceiling, 
giving the large room a very Oriental appearance. We 
arrived there just before business hours, and the building 
gradually became filled with the brokers, mostly Jews, 
who held animated conversations in groups. 

There was no visitors' gallery, so we were obliged to 



NOISY BROKERS. 113 

go in among the brokers, in great fear lest they should 
play some practical joke upon us, in New York Stock 
Exchange style, especially as we perceived that they were 
acting precisely like New York brokers, tormenting one 
member by pursuing him in a crowd all around the hall — ■ 
all because of his new hat, which they took every oppor- 
tunity to knock off, jam over his ears, etc., acting like so 
many overgrown school-boys, waiting for the appearance 
of the teacher. When business began, the greatest change 
took place. The jokers became transformed into seem- 
ing maniacs, and there arose a most terrific roar of many 
mingled voices, and the fact of their being all in the 
harsh, guttural German added to the sublime discord. 
The Object was delayed for a few hours in Frankfort, 
while the Cyclops and the Poet started for Weinheim to 
walk to Heidelberg, a short distance through the Burg- 
strasse, which is a peculiar, street-like road, beautifully 
laid out for miles and miles through the country. The 
trio, arriving in Heidelberg at about the same time, 
sallied forth from their hotel to see some of the perform- 
ances, as it was the end of the term at university, and the 
students were to have their usual celebration. Heidel- 
berg, and that evening, had been set by the tramps for a 
full meeting, so the three kept a sharp lookout for the 
five wanderers. We soon saw the glare of approaching 
torches, and, thinking that the other division might be 
with the procession, we stationed ourselves so that they 
could not pass unseen by us, and, surely enough, found 



1L4 A FIENDISH PLOT. 

them following this procession of one corps of the students. 
The Judge had explored the Moselle valley ; Nancy had 
been at Carlsbad ; Bug and Handsome had been luxuriat- 
ing in the Burgstrasse among fair maidens and walks of 
one mile per day, and the Parson had been with them 
until they became so utterly degenerate in their luxury 
that he left them for the more energetic sight-seeing of 
church floors, church chimneys, church doors, etc. When 
Bug, the Parson, and Handsome were still in the Rhine 
country, they made an expedition to the castle of Phein- 
fels, engaging a guide therefor. On the climb upward, 
as the guide pointed out the beauties of the views from 
various points, the profane climbers (excepting always the 
Parson !) would exclaim in enthusiastic tones : 

" Oh, that view is perfectly hellish." 

After a few repetitions, the guide fell into their little 
trap, and asked : 

" How say you ? Hellish ?" 

14 Yes," the wretches replied, " it corresponds to your 
word herrlich, and is the most forcible word in the Eng- 
lish language to express the most perfect beauty." 

And the poor guide, bent upon acquiring as much 
English as possible, kept repeating, " Hellish, Hellish ! " 
until he had it perfectly, and has probably ere this struck 
astonishment and horror into some English or American 
paterfamilias, accompanied by family, by asking, with 
triumphant gesture and expression : 

" There, vas not that view hellish ? " 



A FLIRTATION RUINED. 115 

The same three tramps found one quiet little inn, 
where they were treated with the greatest politeness. 
The proprietor's wife sang for them, and his pretty 
daughter captivated Handsome arid Bug to such an extent 
that they were intensely anxious to gain her favor, and 
exerted themselves to their utmost to entertain and charm 
the fair Maedchen ; but were utterly crushed by the Par- 
son's making a display of his powers in such a manner as 
to make the whole party ridiculous in the eyes of the 
young lady, who only laughed at poor Handsome and 
Bug. As Bug told the story, it happened as follows, 
to wit : 

" The old lady was clawing ivory, and shrieking in the 
most approved fashion. Handsome and I were getting 
on swimmingly with our charmer ; when, suddenly, at the 
completion of the music, the Frau, who understood but a 
few words and the most simple phrases of English, was 
struck by the following shot from the Parson : 

" ' In our eoun-try, it is un-u-su-al for a la-dy to keep 
up her mu-sic af-ter mar-riage. "Will you not fa-vor as 
once more ? ' 

I "At which, spoken, or rather shouted, in a high key, 
(a thing which one does most naturally when addressing a 
foreigner), the astonished Frau shrieked out, ' Was ? ' and 
the young lady was lost in a storm of giggles. When 
peace had been restored, and we two lady-killers had 
recovered lost ground, and were again progressing finely, 
the Parson, without warning, yelled : 



110 



BUTTER DID IT. 



" * Do you n&ver salt your but-ter in this conn -try ? 
We A-mer-i-cans al-ways salt ours.' 

" From which all the Fran inferred was that the Par- 
son was casting reflections upon the quality of her butter, 
and she was lost in a storm of indignation, while we poor 
fellows were now completely ignored by our laughing 
lady." 

) 




A TERRIFIC ENCOUNTER. 



When all adventures had been related, the tramps 
separated to their hotels, of which our dear Wiener Hof, 
we imagined, was a perfect paragon of cheapness and 
square dealing. 



BEAUTIFUL WOUNDS. 117 

In the streets, next morning, we saw numbers of stu- 
dents, almost every one scarred somewhat, and some 
hideously disfigured. We were informed that they fre- 
quently made use of certain chemicals to aggravate the 
cut, and make the scar as extensive as possible. The 
majority of the badly-scarred students gave one the 
impression that they were of that stamp of weak charac- 
ters who wish to be estimated as the reckless, fast, dime- 
novel sort of bold, bad men. In their duels, every part 
where a wound could prove at all dangerous is carefully 
protected, even to the neck ; so that there is no danger 
connected with this childish custom, but merely a dis- 
figurement of which they are proud. 

After a swim in the ISTeckar, we proceeded to the far- 
famed castle, a ruin grand in extent, artistic beauty, 
romance, and historical interest. But let not the Student- 
Tramp's unsteady feet attempt to follow those of Bayard 
Taylor ! JSTo description of the familiar ruin and its sur- 
roundings can be necessary. 

We, in company with a number of " Cook's Cattle" — 
as the excursionists in charge of one of Cook's agents are 
euphoniously called — were conducted through the store- 
rooms, chapels, etc., by a woman who was driven almost 
distracted by the ridiculous questions of Bug. As we 
came to each chapel, hall, tower, and store-room, and after 
she had told the party the use of each place', he persisted 
in quietly and smilingly asking : 

"Is this the celebrated Heidelberg tun ?" 



118 



"the celebrated tun." 



"When, at last, we reached it, our conductress, looking 
fiercely at Bug, said, snappishly, that this was the great 
tun, capable of holding forty-nine thousand gallons, etc., 
etc. Bug, not at all dismayed, stepped forth and said : 



"J !\ V ■" 



■-.- ■ 



a a 




THE BARONS AND TUN, MIT GOOT WINE FULL. 

" Oh, this is the celebrated Heidelberg tun, is it ?" 
" Yes, and it can hold forty-nine thousand gallons," 
etc., etc. 



THE SCHLOSS. 119 



" They used to keep their rain-water in it, I pre 



sume." 



" No" began the woman, highly offended ; but Bug 
calmly interrupted her by suggesting : 

" Beer, perhaps." 

Whereat our friend almost shrieked words to the 
effect that it was not vile beer, but generous wine which 
the tun had held, and — 

" The great Barons of the castle vas keep the grosse 
Fass mit good wine full ! " 

" And themselves, also, I presume " 

But her knowledge of English did not admit of her 
grasping his meaning, and we called his attention from 
the enraged female to a pair who were, evidently, " on 
their bridal tour," and were making the fact so conspicu- 
ous, in the usual style, that, for fear of anything 
approaching it, the tramps, one and all, decided to veto 
any bills that should be passed by their brides (that were 
to be !), providing for that abomination — a wedding tour.- 

After a grand feast upon unripe blackberries, and a 
tour of the various heights from which the castle can be 
best viewed, Bug, hearing the precise Judge speak of the 
castle, again and again, as " the Schloss," decided that : 

" This is the finest slush that we have yet seen ! " 

We descended to our hotel, to our table-oV -hote, and 
there chanced to sit opposite two fair specimens of the 
traveling Yankee so much ridiculed abroad. One of 
them had the manners and speech of the caricatured 



120 LADIES, MUSIC, AND — BEER, 

"kerosene-oil aristocrat" to a high degree of perfection. 
He remarked casually to his companion, as the last course 
before dessert was being served : 

" Waal, if yew ain't a goin' to take none of that hen, 
/am, yew bet." 

He informed us proudly that he did not know nor wish 
to know a word of " Dutch," nor even the first principles 
of pronunciation ; " For," said he, " I've got one of them 
conversation books, they call 'em, and I git all I want 
eout on that." 

" Bat," asked the Cyclops, " do you understand the 
replies f " 

" Oh, no," said our linguist. " That don't make no 
difference." 

While making the tour of the castle, we had seen one 
of the student corps holding a grand fete on a platform 
raised in one portion of the castle, and entertaining them- 
selves with their lady friends, music, and beer — princi- 
pally beer. Several old graduates were present, some of 
them aged men, with gray beards, but conspicuous with 
the curious and very homely uniform cap of that particu 
lar corps. The grand event, for which we prolonged our 
stay in Heidelberg, was an illumination of the castle, to 
be given under the auspices of the students. This is the 
notable sight of the year at Heidelberg, and, when we 
crossed the curious old bridge over the Neckar, to reach 
a point directly opposite the castle, we found ourselves in 
the midst of avast concourse, mostly composed of Eng- 



A GRAND SIGHT. 121 

]ish and Americans. And, although in the midst of a 
heavy rain, the crowd stood and patiently waited for two 
hours beyond the time set for the illumination ; until, at 
last, without any warning but the firing of cannon, there 
burst upon us from the heart of the gloom the most 
glorious spectacle it had ever fallen to our lot to witness. 
The grim and wonderfully extensive old ruin was lighted 
up in all its parts by a glare of lurid red light, flaring 
up simultaneously with a meteor-like discharge of fire- 
works from tower and hall. In the brilliant red light, 
which was fringed at the very base of the castle by an 
undulating line of green, it stood out in full relief, alone 
in all its finest outlines, with no surrounding objects to dis- 
tract the eye from the one grand vision ; and not that alone, 
but the changed and colored light enhanced an hundred- 
fold the old ruin's beauty and romance. As clouds of 
smoke arose, gradually dimming its outlines, and em- 
bracing closely the venerable pile, it presented a scene 
which must have stamped itself indelibly on the mem- 
ories of those fortunate enough to behold it. Not un- 
til dense volumes of smoke enfolded the entire castle, did 
the spectators, lingering for the last gleam to die away, 
turn toward the bridge, which, itself illuminated, ended 
our evening's light, and the tramps passed into the dark- 
ness of the almost interminable Haupt-strasse toward their 
hotel, "the paragon." 
6 



VIII. 
i:nto the shades of the schwartzwald. 

In the morning, the perusal of our letters occupied us 
until almost time to start for the railway station, when we 
were informed by our suave landlord that we could have 
ample time for a good table-d? -hote before starting. So 
the Poet and the Object left their apartment, with the 
Cyclops' pack and suspender attachment reigning supreme 
there, its contents scattered in all parts of the room, and 
giving one the general impression of a wrecked railroad 
train. We ordered our bill in plenty of time to have had 
it an hour and a half before starting, but did not succeed 
in obtaining it after three vain attempts. 

" Poet," said the Object, " I fear they are playing 
the oft-read-of game, of keeping the bill until the last 
moment, in order that numerous mischarges in it may be 
passed over by the traveler rather than lose his train." 

And so it was, for, when, at last, we procured it, we 
found that it was perfectly unintelligible, with numbers 
of charges for things we had not dreamed of having, with 
heavy overcharges for everything we had had, and, in 
addition, was written on two separate pieces of paper, 
giving them an opportunity of charging the same things 
twice over. So, with rage and indignation, we called for the 



A LITTLE GAME. 123 

waiter, the proprietor — any one to settle our bill ; but, 
bound to keep us until the eleventh hour, no one 
appeared, and we howled, and pounded, and finally were 
on the point of departing, leaving the correct amount 
upon the table, when the -waiter suddenly arrived upon 
the scene, and, as the time for our train was almost at 
hand, we frantically demanded of him to strike out the 
various extortionate charges. He did so, until he reached 
a certain point, where he stopped, and utterly refused to 
make another change. So we divided the extra charge, 
and rushed off to the depot, although it was now past 
time for the train to start ; but, by the best of luck and 
by dint of our astonishing the Heidelbergers by a run 
through their streets, we reached it before it carried us to 
Baden, thinking, with sad regretfulness, of the fall which 
the Wiener Hof, the paragon, had taken in our estima- 
tion. 

At Baden, we found that the hotel of our choice could 
furnish us with one palatial apartment of great size, and 
five single rooms. Handsome, Bug, and the Poet drew 
" the boudoir," and, after reveling in their elegance for 
some time, we all started for the Conversation Haus and 
the Trinkhalle. The latter is a long building, of not 
great height, but with a row of beautiful pillars and a 
handsome portico extending along its front, whose walls 
are embellished with paintings representing the legends of 
the neighboring Black Forest. In front of the large and 
plain Conversation Haus were the thousands of spring- 



124 DESOLATE BADEN-BADEN. 

chairs of iron, which iu the good old gambling times 
were wont to be filled with fashionables to listen to the 
music, which was then charmingly discoursed by a large 
orchestra, at times under the leadership of Strauss himself. 
[Now, the grounds were almost deserted, and the wretched 
orchestra consisted of a dozen performers upon brass 
instruments. 

In the evening we went to the theater, to the perform- 
ance of a comic opera, in the course of which was intro- 
duced a " take-off " upon the English tourist. Our chief 
attraction, a very charming young blonde actress, 
appeared in the guise of an English lord, in the full mag- 
nificence of long, blonde side-whiskers, the usual eye-glass, 
and a huge Murray's Guide-book strapped together with 
two or three smaller ones, not to mention a small-sized 
telescope, which, now and then, he rested upon his attend- 
ant's head for a " glimpse at the landscawpe, you know." 
The attendant was dressed in footman's costume, with 
much red coat, brass buttons, etc, but with pantaloons of 
a wonderful and mysterious construction. So, as he came 
upon the stage, the Object whispered : 

" Fellows, do you notice the queer trousers on that 
old duffer?" 

" That old what ?" shrieked the parson. " Don't 
use such shocking slang. The Germans will take us for 
perfect barbarians /" 

Which they probably did, — if they understood two 
words of our conversation. The English-tour \>t rcpre- 



STRASBOURG. 125 

eentation kept the house in a roar while it lasted, and, 
-noreover, we noticed a number of people turning in their 
seats to look at us, with much ^amusement, evidently 
taking us for Englishmen, whereat, of course, we felt 
very much insulted. We retired through the now en- 
tirely deserted grounds to our apartments, where the 
Cyclops had, as usual, left his pack and other parapher- 
nalia. 

With our hotel glasses in hand, we sallied forth next 
morning to the Trink-halle, where we found very few 
people in comparison with the number at Ems and Wies- 
baden, and had no difficulty in procuring all the water 
we desired, which was very little, as it was quite warm 
and tasteless. As the music was very poor, we withdrew 
to the celebrated warm mineral baths, which are luxurious 
beyond description. 

Then, from a visit to the old Schloss Hohenbaden, we 
turned to a long and tedious ride to Strasbourg, rejoicing 
when we saw its fortifications and the lofty spires of its 
cathedral. The latter was, of course, the object of our 
. first pilgrimage, and fully met our expectations. The 
| work about its spire is so very fine, and, in addition, 
partly mouldered, that, viewed from the ground, parts of 
it seem almost like cobweb work. The whole affair is 
firmly braced with iron, but as it was once struck by 
lightning and severely injured, and, moreover, was dam- 
aged by missiles in the Franco-Prussian war, it is probably 
in a very precarious state; but its beauty is unimpaired. 



12G 



MUCII-TRODDEN STAIRS. 



The whole cathedral was 
being restored from the in- 
juries it received during the 
last bombardment of the 
city. We climbed a wind- 
ing staircase which seemed 
almost unending, and finally 
attained a great height, 
from which we had a bird's- 
eye view of the city, the 
surrounding country, and 
the grand cathedral itself 
beneath us. The number 
of visitors to the cathedral 
is something enormous, 
and can be appreciated 
when one climbs the wind- 
ing stairs and notes the 
steps, which have been en- 
tirely worn through in their centers more than once, and 
have had blocks of stone inserted, which themselves are 
now so hollowed by footsteps, that they render one's foot- 
steps quite insecure, and the assistance of the rope banister 
necessary. As this rope is quite close to the wall, great 
care must be exercised to prevent the knuckles from 
being bruised against the by no means soft stone, when 
ever some one above or below you on the stairs grasps the 
rope at the same time with yourself. Accordingly, as 




WAR TIME. 



NANCY EXPOSTULATES. 



127 



Nancy toiled up with all of the tramps — except the 
Cyclops— ahead of him, and all out of sight around the 
windings of the staircase, he suddenly bellows : " See 
, here ! Go easy on that rope up there. My knuckles are 
almost gone," — just as a charming, young American lady 
comes face to face with him around the curve, and gazes, 
with wide-opened eyes, at him, as he stammers forth his 
apologies. We kept on to the highest attainable point of 
the spire, a dizzy point of view, from whence the ordi- 
nary pavements of the streets looked like the finest 




A STORK OR TWO. 

mosaics, and the flying buttresses surrounding the body 
of the cathedra], with its minute Gothic work, and gar- 
goyles projecting from all available points, appeared like 
a bit of fine lace in everything but its dingy color. All 
through Germany we had seen occasional storks and 
their nests, but now we were satisfied in the sight of any 
number of the sacred birds, soaring above the tiled roofs, 



128 A GIANT TIME- KEEPER. 

or seated in owl-like dignity in their smoky nests in the 
ch'mney tops. Descending, we entered the cathedral, 
and, taking in at a glance the whole sweep of the nave, 
with its long-lined pillars, we were all anxiety to behold 
the famous clock. But, as service was going on, and an- 
other fierce beadle was on the premises, we underwent 
the same terrors as at Mayence, in endeavoring to move 
from place to place, until we made a desperate rush clear 
across the cathedral, to the corner where the clock is kept, 
and reached it just in time to see the performance of said 
clock at the striking of the quarter-hour, and to have the 
different parts of the wonderful machinery explained 
somewhat. We were much amused by a pair of English 
curiosities, male and female, who stared alternately at the 
clock and ourselves, as at equal attractions, and, although 
standing with wide-opened mouths, during all the time 
they gazed at us both, never once uttered a syllable. After 
waiting for the hour to strike, as in duty bound, we ex- 
amined all the guide-book sights of the cathedral and the 
city ; then spent the evening in the Broglie, the grand 
promenade of Strasbourg, and the night in the usual one- 
sided conflict with the voracious German bed-busr. 
The Poet awakened us, singing : 

To the air of " I Love My Love in the 3fo?ming." 

44 Oh, it's scratch, scratch, scratch in the morning, 
It's scratch, scratch, scratch at night, 
It's scratch, scratch, scratcli the whole day long, 
Oh, how those bed-bugs bite l" 




8TRASBURG CLOCK — A NO. 1. 

Which, however disgusting the theme, any unfortunate 
who has spent three nights in as many German hotels, of 
whatever class, can appreciate. Bug swore that, on exam- 
ining his quarters, he had brought to light a whole colony 
of the enemy, each individual armed with a Prussian 

needle-gun, and a hand-grenade. 
e* 



130 



A FINE RAILROAD SYSTEM. 



" It reminds me of our dear Burg-strasse, which, we 
said at the time, would have been more appropriately 
named, had they dispensed with the superfluous letter r 
in the first syllable, and called it the ' Bug-strasse,' ' 
lamented Handsome. 

We decided that we didn't think much of Strasbourg, 
after all, and, after another visit to the cathedral, hurried 
to the depot, only to find that we had twenty minutes to 
spare, and occupied that time in trying to look as though 
we were perfectly unconscious that any one was looking 
closely at us. 

When our train was ready, we took our seats, and, but 
just before it was to start, were coolly 
ousted by the guard, who informed 
us that this was a Schnell-zug, and that 
we had procured the wrong tickets, 
and could not go by it ; so, notwith- 
standing our expostulation and entrea- 
ties, we were hurried back to the 
ticket-office, bought new tickets, and 
rushed out again, just in time to see 
the train moving away. Finally, after 
having paid two fares to Kehl, we 
decided to walk thither, and, as the 
Jud^e remarked, " not let the blasted old railroad have our 
tickets." Though what disadvantage this may have con- 
ferred upon the railroad company, inasmuch as it already 
had our money, may be somewhat difficult to conceive. 




SCR NELL ZUG. 



"to the two doves." 131 

The rest of us couldn't, but, as long as the Judge was 
happy in tearing up his tickets, we were perfectly satis- 
lied. We walked on in a scorching sun, purchasing a lit- 
tle fruit to keep the wolf away, and passed several squads 
of German cavalry and artillery, until we soon reached 
the roaring, rushing Rhine, on the other side of which 
was Kehl, where we passed the time very pleasantly in a 
swim in the river, and, when our train arrived, were so for- 
tunate as to secure a compartment together, and with-no 
squalling infants, nor smokers of one-phoenig cigars, to 
make us miserable. While changing at a small station, 
we were surprised and delighted to meet three classmates, 
who were traveling in blue blood style, and were much 
astonished at our knickerbockers and beards. 

At Freibourg we made a careful examination of the 
cathedral, which in some respects bears a resemblance to 
the grander one of Strasbourg, and then entered upon 
our long-anticipated walk through the Black Forest, or 
Schwartzwald. We walked, that afternoon, through a 
glorious region, somewhat quietly resembling the Ahr 
valley, and at Falkensteig, in the evening, we rested at a 
cozy little inn, with the poetic name, "To the Two 
Doves," over its door. 

Here we found a jolly hostess, arrayed in orthodox 
peasant costume, with short sleeves and a peculiar flat 
head-dress, standing up vertically from the top of her 
head, and fastened under the chin with very wide and 
very long black ribbons. Bright and* early we bade hei 



132 



HIMMELREICH AND HOELLENTHAL. 



NSf . A 




HOSTESS AND FAMILY, SCHWARTZWALD. 



good-bye, and started for the defile called " Himmel- 
reich " (Kingdom of Heaven), whose grandeur would 
have fully satisfied our hearts in its wildness, had not we 
learned that its very name was given it for its peaceful 
contrast to the rugged and glorious " Hoellenthal " (Pass 
of Hell) beyond ; so we were in some measure prepared 
for the gorgeous, narrow, Hoellenthal. Up above us 
towered rocky cliffs, on both sides, and, in fact, all around, 
in such a massive circle, that, in whichever direction we 
looked, we appeared to be completely walled in by the 
bare and steep summits. Here the thickly growing pines 
covering the lofty hills took the place of the vines of 
the Rhine and Ahr ; or, better, added a fresh charm to 
the scenery, and we looked in rapturous surprise upon 



CYCLOPS UNPACKS. 133 

each variation, ever new, disclosed by the windings of the 
road, and turned to linger over many a pleasant retrospect. 
Just after our start, the Object was complaining that his 
ta-ta hat did not protect his eyes sufficiently, so the 
Cyclops, with his usual kindness, even offered to dive into 
the mysterious and murky depths of that pack, and lend 
him an extra hat supposed to be there. So the two 
stopped, and, after many intricate and elaborate unstrap- 
pings, unbuttonings, and unwindings, it was at last opened, 
and the Cyclops was exploring it for the desired hat ; but 
he lost his balance and rolled down a slight declivity into 
a luxuriant bed of nettles, dragging with him pack and all 
its contents, in dire confusion. What followed can better 
be imagined than described, for, after all, the hat was not 
to be found, so the two hurried on after the rest of the 
tramps, then more than a mile ahead of them. Reaching 
a place where the post-road wound around and around a 
lofty hill, we preferred to follow a steep side-path, to a 
cascade, where we had an enjoyable rest, and bathed our 
hands and- faces in the cold, crystal water. As this was 
our first waterfall of any kind, we thought it extremely 
beautiful, and were loth to leave it, and climb to regain 
the post-road, which then we followed to Lake Titisee, a 
lovely sheet of water, reminding us somewhat of Sal- 
tonstall, with twice its beauty, and the additional charm 
of being so many thousand feet above sea level. We took 
our usual swim, and then were rowed across the water to 
a point where we took the road once more, and climbed 



134 A CONVENIENT COMPANION. 

to an inn on the hill-side, where we ordered dinner, and, 
while it was being prepared, struck a cherry tree — very 
hard, especially the Cyclops, who climbed up, and effect- 
ually scared away the wolf with the delicious fruit, which, 
though it was now the middle of August, was then just 
ripening at that height. At the lake we met a very 
pleasant young German, from Hamburg, and, as he was 
very desirous of joining our party up the Feldberg, we 
eagerly seized upon him to freshen up our German dur- 
ing the climb, he being equally glad of the opportunity 
to improve his English. 

After dinner the eight and our friend kept on up the 
gradually ascending road, which was tantalizing in its 
length ; we had been gradually ascending ever since morn- 
ing. A heavy rain fell now, and we were obliged to don 
the gauze rubber coats, which each carried rolled up in 
his " pack," and endure a dreary and wet climb until we 
reached the Feldberger Hof, upon the very summit, and 
which afforded most welcome shelter and refreshment. 
Later, a party of Americans arrived by carriage, and, a8 
we sat at early evening meal, came in and sat down next 
us at the long table. The party consisted of a gentleman 
and three ladies, and, as they also were eating dinner, the 
Object, who happened to sit immediately beside the gen- 
tleman, noticed that he was " violating the custom of the 
country" by having no wine before him. So, thinking 
to break the ice, he offered him, in his most polite man 
nor, a glass of wine. 



AN ASTONISHED GERMAN. 



1 ""\ 



A thunder-bolt could not have fallen with greater 
effect among the tramps, who, each and every one, were 
sipping their wine, than did the smiling reply of the gen- 
tleman : 

"No, I thank you. My name is John B. Gough;" 

Expecting a temperance lecture, at 
once, eight glasses were quickly set 
upon the table, eight little bottles 
tightly corked; but the only reproof 
administered was in the shape of one 
or two temperance stories, after the 
meal, in the midst of a host of amus- 
ing anecdotes, with which the genial 
reformer entertained us. "We had 
the greatest difficulty, however, in 
making our German companion com- 
prehend the character and calling of 
Mr. Gough, and when, at last, ho 
grasped our meaning, he could scarce- 
ly take his eyes from the temperance lecturer, and actually 
seemed to regard him as a peculiar species of madman. 

Early in the evening, Cyclops had applied for a room, 
and had been shown to the room belonging to our German 
friend ; and, later, discovering the fact, he made applica- 
tion a second time, at about ten o'clock. Handsome, who 
accompanied him the second time he sought the proprie- 
tor, returned to us with the information : 

" It was as good as a circus to see the Cyclops' blank 




' ' HOW ARE YOU, 
J. G. ?" 



136 FAREWELL, FRUIT ! 

expression, when informed that every room in the house 
was taken ; and he asked, in wo-begone and despairing 
accents, if they couldn't 'give him a bed on earth,' in 
German, of course, and meaning thereby the floor." 

Cyclops returned soon, much chagrined at his lapsus 
lingua, for he was, by far, the best German-speaking 
tramp of the eight, and, together with the Poet, was 
relied upon for all emergencies. He had succeeded in 
securing a resting-place, and we retired, as usual putting 
out our walking-shoes, both as an insurmountable barri- 
cade against all invaders, and in order to give the " boots" 
healthful morning exercise. We met our American 
friends at breakfast, and were not displeased to find them 
in possession of a huge basket of grapes, apricots, etc., 
which they placed at our disposal, and which came in 
very acceptably for the wolf. 

In the forenoon Mr. Gough was obliged to depart, on 
account of illness (result of Feldberg water?), much to 
our regret, as he carried off with him his fair compan- 
ions — and the fruit. 

All this time it had rained incessantly, and we were 
cooped up in our inn, unable to proceed on our way with 
any degree of comfort, much less to enjoy any view. 
Daring a lull in the storm, we started and were soon 
clambering down a steep and slippery path, at a rapid 
rate. After reaching the valley, we pushed along a road 
passing through numerous villages, and, now and then, 
getting a grateful glimpse of the sun. 



FESTIVITIES. 



137 



At one village, at a \ 
very great height, a 
military festival was 
going on, and long be- V\\ N 
fore we reached it we \\ 
heard the roaring of 
cannon ; but, when 
we arrived there, dis- 
covered that the tre- 
mendous reports which \ 
we had heard had been 
from the discharges of 
small affairs of about 
one foot in length, 
but quite thick, and 
without any carriage 
or support of any 
kind, but rested upon 
a stone when fired. 

A very small village, which rejoiced in the very large 
name of Haechenschwand, was the center of festivities, 
and every inn in the place was crowded with " milling- 
tery," and inclosed a wretched brass band, whose dismal 
notes seemed to rouse great enthusiasm. We stood on 
one side of the road, to watch pass a band of stalwart 
maidens, in robes of white, and strongly resembling so 
many oxen — as regarded walk and grace. They came in 
procession, and passed into one of the larger inns, where, 




IN SEAKCH OF A VIEW. 



133 



EXORBITANT CHARGES. 



it may "be presumed, 
they exercised them- 
selves in tripping the 
light (?) fantastic toe, 
to music bad enough to 
make one long for an 
Italian, a monkey, and 
a good old Brooklyn 
hand-organ. We walk- 
ed on to Tiefenhaeu- 
sern, where we found 
an antediluvian inn, 
at which we had, first, 
supper, with all the 
delicacies of the coun- 
try, honey, milk, wine, 

DOT LEEDLE GERMAN BAND AT HAECH- 1 " t . gec . 

enschwand. cneese, eggs, etc. , sec 

cond, our lodging ; 
and, third, a very good and abundant breakfast. Bill, one 
mark and sixty pfennigs — about forty cents — per tramp I 




IX. 

WE RISE IK THE WOKLD. 

On our way, at six o'clock, through the Alb-thal, we 
were now enjoying a view the reverse of that from the 
bottom of the deep Hoellenthal, for now, from our eleva- 
tion at the top of a gorge, we viewed from above the 
thickly-wooded crags, at whose feet, in the distance far 
below us, writhed the foam-flecked Alb, with here and 
there a picturesque fall. This morning we found that we 
had, in reality, " Lots of Time," as the train from Alb- 
bruch, our present destination, did not leave until about 
noon ; so we stopped at every especially striking point of 
view as long as we chose. Beside our finely constructed 
road, now cut in the face of the solid rock, now tunneled 
through it, there grew quantities of berries, which now 
and then tempted delay. But, notwithstanding our slow 
stages and frequent stops, soon there was no sign of 
Cyclops, so we sat down to await him, and, after a long 
while, began to shout for him. Hearing no answering 
sound, we became very much alarmed lest he should have 
ventured too far while picking berries, and had fallen 
thousands of feet to the bottom of the gorge, and we were 
returning to search for his mangled remains — when, 
around a sharp turn in the road, we saw slowly appear, 



140 FALLS OF THE RHINE. 

first, a large foot, then, by degrees, the well known out- 
lines of our long-lost one. Arrived at Neuhausen, we 
proceeded at once to the Schweitzer Hof terrace, from 
which a fine view of the falls is to be obtained ; then we 
were ferried across the river, through the midst of the 
foaming rapids, and betook ourselves to an iron platform 
called " the Fischetz," erected directly at the foot of the 
falls, and the best possible place to get an idea of their 
volume. The water of the Rhine is here perfectly clear, 
arid, when of any depth, has a most beautiful color — a 
soft shade of emerald green — and, as one looks up from 
this Fischetz at the crystal water, changing its green to 
a pure white, as it surges over the brink, and appears to be 
about to engulf him the very next instant, he forms no 
mean idea of the Falls of the Hhine, although, of course, 
they cannot be compared to Niagara. They are cascade- 
like, instead of ending in one sublime leap like Niagara, 
and are a mass of boiling, tossing foam, which surrounds 
three grim blocks of sand-stone in its center. The dazzling 
white of the foam had the same effect upon our eyes as a 
broad expanse of snow in the sunlight. We were sitting 
in a round tower with windows of colored glass, of various 
hues, through some of which the effect is very beautiful, 
when suddenly the Object said : 

" I have an idea." 

" Strange," said the tramps, as they assumed listening 
attitudes. 

"Now, here are six of us who have pulled on the 



SIX-OAR TO HOLLAND. 



141 



University, class, or other crews. When we want to re- 
turn to Holland we can float our six-oar here at the foot 
of the falls and row down the Rhine in sweeping style 
Nancy is cut out for a model coxswain, and the Parson 
would make good ballast, or we could tow him behind 
with a string." 

The plan not meeting with 
the Parson's full approval, we 
reluctantly abandoned it, and 
walked down toward Dach- 
sen, where we took the train 
for Lucerne, the Poet, Nancy, 
and the Object stopping at Zu- 
rich, to climb the Uetliberg. 

Their alpenstocks pur- 
chased, the trio strode through 
the streets of the beautiful 
city, with its handsome modern 
buildings, catching a few 
glimpses of its clear lake, 
dotted with pleasure boats, half 
making us decide to spend 
the afternoon on the water, in- 
stead of toiling up the moun- 
tain. We walked a long distance, and had a terrific en- 
counter with an enormous dog, who rushed upon us with 
fearful growls ; but we bravely overpowered him, with 
the aid of our alpenstocks, the dog being muzzled, and 




SWISS PIPER. 



142 THE UETLIBERG. 

his master near at hand, and calling him off. When the 
climb began, it was a very steep and tiresome one, np a 
stony foot-path, passing a stone with an inscription upon it, 
commemorating the fall and death here of a young Swiss 
explorer. The top soon reached, we had a silent pano- 
rama of the Alps spread out before us, and Rigi and 
Pilatus were especially interesting, as we expected to 
climb one or the other on the following day. The snow- 
clad peaks of the loftier mountains towered up in white 
purity, far away in all directions toward the south, and 
we felt that our climb had given us a fitting introduction 
to Switzerland. Below us lay the Lake of Zurich, with 
the city close beside it, and a few smaller sheets of water, 
surrounded by peaceful and fertile valleys. "Waiting for 
the sunset, a much-vaunted wonder when seen from a 
mountain top, we took our path back to Zurich, while the 
soft light was still visible upon the summits of the highest 
peaks. Our satchel-like packs, small as they were, had 
proved a heating burden on the way up, and we would 
gladly have left them in the city, had we known that 
there was no path toward our destination down the other 
side of the Uetliberg. On our return, in the darkness, at 
one point we took the wrong road, and were given an- 
other long walk before we reached our hotel, beside the 
roaring river Limmat. We were given wretched rooms, 
on the top floor, but in the front of the house, and, upon 
our complaining and asking for better, the landlord re- 
plied : 



DESIRABLE ROOMS. 143 

" Those are fine rooms. You have from them a very 
fine, magnificent view !" 

" Yes, but we don't care about the view. We leave 
to-morrow morning at five o'clock, and shall not have a 
minute to look at it. What we want is some more com- 
fortable rooms." 

" Oh, but those are nice rooms. Fine, magnificent 
view from the windows !" 

In despair, we gave up our attempts to better our con- 
dition for the night, and turned away sadly, as we heard 
the victorious landlord saying : 

" Fine rooms ! Fine view ! ! Magnificent win- 
dows!!!" 

Arising in time to catch a five-forty train, we sat in 
our car, which was a compromise between the American 
and German style, and felt in the best of spirits, for it 
was a lovely day, and the morning air was fresh and 
bracing. From the comparatively low level of Zurich, 
the mountains before us appeared to almost touch the 
heavens, and the Poet exclaimed : 

" They fulfill my wildest, most daring, expectations, 
as they sparkle in mellow old Sol's earliest rays !" 

" You donH say so !" said matter-of-fact Nancy. 

We chatted of our good fortune in the day, in the 
weather in general since our landing, and of our enjoy- 
ment of the whole trip. By a turn in the conversation, 
the Object was led to observe : 

" And have you noticed how very lucky we have been 



144 ARTICLES LEFT BEHIND. 

in not forgetting any article of the least value ? The only 
thing that has been left behind is the Cyclops' rubber 
coat, of gorgeous checked interior, and that leaving was a 
blessing to the whole party." 

A few moments afterward, the Object felt for his con- 
stant and most necessary traveling companion, his guide- 
book, and, to his sorrow and chagrin, especially after the 
remark he had just made, found that he had left behind 
his Baedeker, the guide and director of the three, and the 
sole and utter dependence, upon which they were to trust 
for their every footstep between Zurich and the top of 
Rigi. Accordingly, the Poet was extremely amused at 
the strange, untimely self-congratulations. We reached 
the steamer at Zug, and enjoyed our ride over its pretty 
little lake very much. On board the steamer we found a 
young Englishman, whom we had met the day before in 
the cars, and who had then informed us that he was 
" twawveling third claas, ye know, because it's too beastly 
hot, ye know, to twawvel any othaw way." 

There may have been some reason in that, as the 
third-class cars are much cooler than the others, by reason 
of their uncushioned seats; but here we found him trav- 
eling second-class on the steamer, and asking if there was 
no third, presumably because it was on the water, also, so 
much more beastly hot by first-class. 

We met a very pleasant gentleman from Dayton, 
Ohio, and were talking with him about the beauties of the 



"BRITISHER" OR "DUTCHMAN"? 145 

lake, when he expressed a desire to know the name of a 
singular mountain in the distance, so he remarked : 

" I'll just step up to one of these Dutchmen, and find 
out;" and, much to our amusement and before we could 
prevent him, he bristled up to our Englishman (who had 
been standing within three feet of us, eagerly taking in 
everything that was said, and must have heard the last 
remark) and asked him : 

" Wie heist dieser Berg ?" (What is the name of this 

mountain ?) 

The " Britisher " understood no German, and the Poet 
told our friend, in German, how things were situated, and 
he returned to us, much chagrined. 

At the landing place at Arth we were met by Hand- 
some, who conducted us to two things we were glad to 
find, the genial Cyclops and a good breakfast. We told 
them of our adventures, and the Poet enjoyed a hearty 
laugh, as lie told the story of the Object and his guide- 
book—but, Donner-Wetter ! what suddenly checked him 
j,nd made him turn pale ? Now the Poet had, at the be- 
ginning of our tramps, conceived the idea that he had 
need of a money-belt ; probably he had read of such a 
thing in the dime novels of his school-boy days. At any 
rate, he purchased one, and converted every cent of money 
he had for the trip into English sovereigns, and carried 
almost all of them in his belt. When chaffed by the 
tramps concerning his cumbrous leathern possession, he 
was wont to reply, with great equanimity : 
7 



146 "'tis an ill wind." 

" Oh, there's nothing like a money-belt — for safety; " 
and deemed it so proven, when two of ns, at different 
times, lost ten-mark pieces. He had bravely carried it 
around his slender waist, through all vicissitudes of storm, 
rain, and persj)iration, of climbs, walks, and railroad rides, 
and now, at breakfast in Arth, in the midst of his amuse- 
ment over the Object's untimely speech in regard to never 
leaving anything behind, and, instanter, finding that he 
had left his guide-book, he faintly said : 

" Fellows, I've left my money-belt." 

And, another strange coincidence, it was still the sad 
truth that the poor Poet had left almost every sovereign 
under his pillow, at Zurich, as spoils to be contended for 
by the rapacious chambermaid, and the equally rapacious 
bed-bug. He retraced his steps to the boat, amid the 
best wishes of the tramps for his success. 

" It is an ill wind, etc.," remarked the philosophic 
Object. "I'll get my Baedeker now." 

As we started on our climb up Rigi, Nancy stopped to 
make some purchases, and, notwithstanding all the agita- 
tion over forgetting things, started out bravely, at a great 
rate of speed, suddenly bringing up with a jerk, to 
exclaim, " Well, I am afraid I really ought to take my 
pack with me," and to retrace his steps to recover it. At 
last, we were fairly started up the smooth slopes at Rigi's 
base, musical with the sound of the cow-bell and the jodel 
of the jolly Switzer boy, sweetly clear in the mountain 
air. Gradually the climb grew more tedious, steep, and 






Mt 



;;v,V 



'"^' *W I jtwBBSS^^S *- ^01'/ > 




JOLLY SWITZER BOYS. 

warm, and, after we had kept on for some time, the cal- 
culating Nancy exclaimed : 

" We must be almost exactly half-way up now, boys." 
We afterward discovered that, by the most liberal cal- 
culations, we were then about one-tenth of our way to the 



148 ALMOST UP. 

summit. We hastened onward and upward, now and 
then stopping to bathe our wrists in the water of one of 
the numerous springs, so ice-cold that we could with diffi- 
culty use our hands for a moment after holding them in 
the clear stream, so numbed were the muscles made by its 
coldness. Wonderfully refreshed, we would spurt on for 
some distance, wait until we saw, far below us, the 
Cyclops, bounding upward from crag to crag, like an agile 
elephant ; then, assured that he was coming, we would 
gather together coat, hat, pack, and alpenstock, and spurt 
on again. Now and then, a cheery voice would cry, 
" Almost up now, boys," until, finally, we lost our way, 
and, after making various experiments, found ourselves at 
the foot of a steep, grassy mound, almost as straight up 
and down as a wall, but which it was necessary to climb 
in order to proceed on our way. At one side were a few 
stones, which Handsome noticed, and succeeded in reach- 
ing the top without accident; but the Object, attempting 
the slippery, grassy ascent, lost his footing several times, 
and was saved only by his alpenstock from a fall of hun- 
dreds of feet, over the jagged rocks below. Twice he 
slipped down to the very end of the firmly-imbedded 
stick ; twice he prepared for his last breath ; when, by 
dint of finger-nails and stick, he at last reached the top of 
the slope, and sank down exhausted, his face blanched and 
his hair on end. 

"To think of being killed on this hill" he sighed. 
"If it had been on the Matterhorn, or Monte Rosa, it 



IGNOMINIOUS DEATH. 149 

wouldn't have sounded so badly at home ; but to have 
been dashed to pieces on the side of little Rigi — dis- 
graceful ! " 

When he had recovered his breath, the two proceeded 
onward to further adventures, in cow-paths, and the dry 
beds of mountain streams, and at last caught a glimpse of 
the numerous hotels upon the summit, the railroads lead- 
ing to them, and, last and most amazing, the tortoise 
Cyclops with Nancy, some distance ahead of them, by 
reason of their having kept to the right path. When the 
summit was reached, it rested us merely to drink in a 
view which beggared description ; but the chief points of 
beauty, which, to a casual glance, stood out in relief, were, 
far, far below, at a distance that softened every outline, 
on all sides, the lovely lakes, of varied shapes, but all of 
the same clear blue, as bright as the azure of the heavens, 
and looking like stolen bits of cloudless summer sky. 
Around them and us rose giant hills of vast masses, and 
with forest-covered or rocky sides, and, in the background, 
the white-capped summits of the more distant Alps. The 
picture was a sublime one, that gave one an overpowering 
sense of littleness, yet charmed him by its sweet beauty, 
surpassing its grandeur. 

But the chilly air and gathering clouds warned us that 
we must hasten on our way down to Weggis; so 
we sauntered about the summit to take last glimpses 
of the views, from different points, when, behold, there 
was our Britisher again ! He accosted us, to tell us all 



150 HIGH-TONED CLIMBERS. 

the particulars of a bath he had been taking in "this 
beastly mountain water, ye know, and I cawn't get the 
soap out of me hair any ways, ye know. Quite a choinge 
from London water." 

We hastily bade him good-bye, and started cheerily, 
with runs and jumps that left the Cyclops far in the rear, 
and, after being hugely cheated on some drinks — of milk 
— at a place beside the path, we kept on our way, and 
passed numbers of young Englishmen in knickerbockers. 
One very swell one had a servant to carry his pack, coat, 
and hat, and he walked up unencumbered and easily, but 
followed by his lackey, puffing, and purple in the face. 
We made a great brace to catch a steamer which we saw 
headed for Weggis, but ran for a long distance, all in vain. 
Just near the very foot of the mountain, we passed a man 
who had accomplished, possibly, the thousandth part of 
his way to the summit, yet, at that early stage, much dis- 
tressed for breath, sat beside the path, and anxiously 
inquired : 

" How far is it to the top ? " 

We reached Lucerne to find the Parson and Bug on 
the quay, and to learn that the various packages sent by 
us, Poste jfiestante, from Bonn, had safely arrived. The 
Object was astonished by being presented with the veri- 
table old straw hat which he had tried so hard to throw 
away at Bonn ; but had been frustrated by the well-mean- 
ing but stupid hotel-keeper, who, in forwarding the 
other articles, had included this. At our hotel we re 



JOURNALS. 



151 



ceived a telegram addressed to " Herr Bug, and Gang," 
and were relieved to know that the Poet and money- 
belt were safely on top of 
the Rigi. When he arrived 
next morning, it was rain- 
ing hard, and we were all 
writing up our journals at 
the hotel ; and, after greet- 
ings were over, he joined 
us and asked how we had 



tried to describe the Ri^i. 
Each one of us had now 
made the ascent, and, in 
answer to his question, 
each, as the Poet came to 
him, allowed him to read 
the written description. He 
started with Handsome's, 
and copied a few lines, 
next took up the Parson's, 
and made a few notes, and 
so' with each one. When he 
had finished, he sat back in 
his chair and laughed merrily, saying : 

" Let me read you a few fragments of the descrip- 
tions of the view : — Number One — ' When at length we 
gained the top, we gazed on the lovely scene around us, 
and felt fully repaid for our exertions, in its beauty,' etc. 




"when we reached the 
summit," etc. 



152 SOMEWHAT OF A SAMENESS. 

" Number Two — c At last we are at the very top. and, 
though our labors have been wearying, we feel fully 
recompensed for them, by the glorious view before 
us,' etc. 

" Number Three — ' When we got to the tip-top of the 
hill, we gathered our weary bones together to take a look 
at the scenery. In that look we felt amply repaid for 
our clay's treadmill work,' etc. 

" Number Four — ' Finally we reached the highest 
point of Rigi, and felt that our exertions, though great, 
were now fully rewarded in the grand landscape,' etc., etc. 

"Number Five — ' As we gazed and gazed (and, I may 
add, gazed) at the lovely panorama spread out before us, 
we confessed ourselves amply repaid for our exertions,' 
etc. 

" Numbers Six and Seven almost ditto. Now this har- 
monious crowd seems to have wonderful unanimity of ex- 
pression. Some one told me that nine people out of ten 
would say that * they felt fully repaid,' etc., so I deter- 
mined to experiment, and see how true it might be. Let 
us have a little more variety on the next mountain." 

" Poet," grimly asked the Judge, " did some one speak 
of that to you, after you had written your own descrip- 
tion?" 

" Yes ; I wrote up my journal last night at the Rigi- 
Kulm, before retiring, and I had the conversation referred 
to with a young Englishman on the boat this morning." 

"'Tis well that such is the case," replied the Judge; 



UNWARY POET. 153 

" for allow me to read a short extract from your own 
note-book, which yon have carelessly left open upon the 
table beside me." 

The Poet attempted to suppress the reading, but was 
smothered by cries of " Hear, hear ! Free press ! Free 
speech ! " and the Judge proceeded with his reading : 

" Number Eight — ' I toiled wearily up the last few 
rods of the ascent, to gain the long-awaited summit. But 
when I looked from it, one quick glance assured me that 
iny labors were fully requited in the soothing loveliness of 
the scene before mef etc." 

" Requited is good — better far than any word we used ; 
but, the next time you try to get off any grind on this 
literary crowd, steer your own pen very carefully, Poet," 
maliciously commented the Cyclops. 

The rain moderating, we started out to see the Lion 
of Lucerne, a monument to the Swiss Guard, who fell at 
the hands of a Parisian revolutionary mob, and a perfect 
representation of massive strength overcome and suffering. 
A huge lion is dying, pierced by a shaft which has en- 
tered his side and broken off, and lies, at full length, with 
an expression of such sublime anguish marking his 
features, that it calls forth pity for the very stone. The 
whole is carved in the unblasted sandstone of the cleft side 
of a hill, one half having been removed to leave standing 
the half in which is sculptured the allegory. The model, 
Thorwaldsen's own work, is exhibited near at hand, and, 
also, a garden containing very interesting marks of the 



154 



GLACIEIl MILLS. 



im^MIM**^*™* 




thorwaldstcn's lion of lucerne. 

glacier period, in the shape of huge, spiral apertures, 
bored in the solid rock by the action of stones whirled 
around by the waters under the glacier. These "mills n 
were found in their present situation, which was once the 
" abode " of a glacier, and are exhibited with the grinders, 
or mill-stones, worn smooth and round by their erosion. 
Walking along the quay of Lucerne, we passed shop- 
windows filled with wonders of carving, painting, and 
jewelers' work ; and while Handsome and the Object left 
the rest of the tramps at one of the stores, to give their 



DIVISION. 155 

attention to the dispatching of various articles poste- 
restante to Geneva, they missed the boat which had been 
agreed upon for departure. Eeturning sadly to their 
hotel, they found none of the tramps there except Nancy, 
who had been equally unfortunate with themselves! 



X. 

A STEOLL OVER THE ST. GOTHARD. 

We arose, next morning, at an early hour, and, board- 
ing the early boat, were given a most delightful sail along 
the entire length of Lake Lucerne, with its unsurpassed 
scenery. We watched gloomy and rugged Pilatus, and 
the sunny slopes of Eigi, with Lucerne's quay, bridges, 
and quaint, old towers fade away, with regret at leaving. 
Meanwhile, we supposed that the advance division of the 
tramps would either await us in Fluelen, or would leave 
word there for our guidance ; so, when the pleasant ride 
was over, we made inquiries at various places, until we 
found the one where the tramps had spent the night pre- 
vious, and learned that they were to push on to Ander- 
matt that day. Accordingly, the trio followed, and soon 
reached Altdorf, where we saw the statue upon the spot 
where Mr. W. Tell fired that arrow, and another monu- 
ment, in the shape of a fountain, erected by some insig- 
nificant village magistrate, who gave himself away tc 



156 



MOTHER GOOSE STORIES. 



posterity as a monstrously ugly old man, whereas, had he 
refrained from advertising his appearance by his statue 

(which surmounts the fount- 
ain), no one would ever have 
known of his hideousness, for 
they certainly would never 
have heard of him. This 
modest tomb-stone marks the 
spot where the unflinching 
Tell, Filius, stood while Tell, 
Pater, shot that apple from his 
head, with his little cross-bow. 
On the way down the lake, we 
had passed "Tell's Chapel," 
on the spot where he had 
leaped from Gessler's boat. 

Near Wasen, sixteen miles 
from Altdorf, we were obliged 
to take shelter from the heavy 
rain in an old saw-mill, where 
we passed the time in napping 
on the soft sides of three pine 
planks. With joy, at Lucerne, 
had we discarded our packs, 
and forwarded them to Geneva, and the baggage of each 
now consisted of : No. 1, comb ; No. 2, tooth-brush ; No. 
3, soap ; No. 4, alpenstock. In addition to these, an 
extra handkerchief and a pen, per man, and one guide- 




THE HEIGHTS. 



OUR INVENTORY. 157 

book for the party, were not deemed worthy of being 
dignified by the name of baggage. 

At every fresh start, we would count our individual 
possessions, and if the number was four — all right. Poor 
Nancy, while asleep in the saw-mill, had, unfortunately, 
dropped his tooth-brush and pen out of his pocket, and, 
neglecting to count up upon departing, was obliged to 
leave them behind, to be seized upon by the natives as 
unknown and wonderful curiosities. Our kindly-meant 
offers to lend him the former article were repulsed with 
dignified silence. 

The scenery along the well-built road was imposing, 
and the cast given it by the darkness of the storm rather 
enhanced than lessened its beauty. 

We passed the ruins of Gessler's castle, and, giving 
orders at our inn to be called at half-past four in the 
morning, we retired, intending to make an early start, and 
catch up with " the rest of the mob," before their depart- 
ure from Andermatt. When the call came, we awoke to 
find, as we judged from the darkness and a loud pattering 
sound, a furious rain-storm in full blast ; so we turned 
over in disgust, and went to sleep again. 

When we next awoke, Handsome went to his window, 
and discovered that the sound which we had taken for the 
pouring of rain was made by a cascade near the hotel ; and 
we roused ourselves, dressed hurriedly, and were soon 
enjoying the wildest and most gloomy scenery of our trip. 
From Fluelen, we had walked, almost tracing the rivei 



158 



THE EEUSS. 



Keuss, and as yet we had not seen a spot in its course 
where its waters were not in a state of the most violent 
commotion. Now running in rapids far down in a deep 
gorge, now falling in picturesque cascades from far above 
us, with the giant mountains framing it, it formed an 
ever-changing, ever-pleasing, living picture. We passed 
through strange villages, with houses adorned with faded 
frescoes representing conspiracies and conspirators, as well 
as the deeds of heroes. We walked by the works of the 




KEEPING THE SABBATH AT A SWISS INN. 

St. Gothard tunnel, where the air is compressed by water, 
for its use in driving the rock-boring machines. 

Some distance beyond this point, we came to the 



EN ROUTE FOR ITALY. 109 

"Devil's Bridge," a romantic old .structure crossing the 
Reuss, and built over the ruined arch of an abandoned 
bridge. The scene here was one of the wildest desolation 
which bare rocks, with abrupt outlines and dark cliffs, 
brooding over a roaring fall of turbid water, can produce. 
On through the ravine, now crossing the river, now fol- 
lowing its banks, meeting frequent carriages laden with 
tourists, we reached Andermatt, where we expected surely 
to find the five tramps. We learned, from the smiling 
young hostess of a cozy inn, that they were at Hospen- 
thal, the next village, and hastened thither, but to find no 
traces of them. 

We had long cherished a strong desire to see Italy 
before our tramps should end ; so now, as we had lost the 
five, and knew not of their precise plans, except that they 
were bound for the Rhone glacier, we three, amid great 
enthusiasm, determined to take the branch of the road 
leading over the St. Gothard. Another dismal rain kept 
us at Hospenthal until four o'clock in the afternoon, 
when we started out at a brisk pace, to make up for our 
frequent delays. 

The road soon entered a region of the greatest desola- 
tion imaginable. On both sides of us rose summits 
almost utterly destitute of any vegetation whatever, and 
with their bases covered with a kind of shingle. Not a 
tree nor shrub to relieve the eye, and the scene actually 
forced upon us a complete sense of loneliness and dreari- 
ness. Even the sullen roar of the Reuss as it rushed 



160 A LAKE OF ICE- WATER. 

along in the midst, was pleasant and cheerful in the bar- 
ren waste, and almost filled the place of another com- 
panion. 

After some miles of this grand and almost awful 
scenery, we reached the Kodont bridge, which carried us 
for the last time across the river which we had traced 
from its mouth to within a short distance of its source, 
and here we turned aside for a few moments, for an 
excursion to Lake Lucendro, nearly seven thousand feet 
above sea-level. A climb over huge, shapeless masses of 
rock, and a scramble up some slippery banks, brought us 
to the lovely, clear-green lake, and we looked up at our 
first glaciers*, in the gorges of the snow-covered mountains 
which completely girdle the little lake, and add charms to 
its beauty from the contrast of their silver sides and peaks 
with the brightness of its water. 

The snow generally remains upon the road itself dur- 
ing all the summer, but we found none. The whole 
region which we had traversed was rich in its wonderful 
water, and all the numerous wayside pools and streams 
were so perfectly transparent that a pin could have been 
seen in them at a great depth and distance, and the water 
of the springs was the most frigid ice-water, sweeter than 
the best of wines. We were much tempted to indulge in 
its immoderate use, and were obliged to fix a limit of a 
certain number of draughts per day, to control our intem- 
perate longings. The road, still ascending, at last reached 



A WONDERFUL ROAD. 161 

its highest point — about seven thousand feet — and we 
rejoiced to travel down hill, for a change. 

At a small village near the summit, we saw several fine 
specimens of the celebrated St. Bernard breed of dogs, 
and, on the alert for anything Italian, noticed a diminu- 
tive donkey, with all the grand superfluity of harness 
which characterizes the orthodox donkey in pictures of 
anything Italian. 

Passing by several small lakes, the road descends in 
numerous and intricate windings that are wonderful. 
Terrace after terrace rose up behind us, as we rapidly 
passed downward, and presented the appearance of some 
vast system of fortifications, as the road ran parallel to 
itself again and again. 

At the end of our seventeenth mile from Hospenthal, 
we reached Airolo, shortly after seven o'clock, and were 
furnished with slippers and smiles by our hostess of the 
Posta. Next morning, we had finished our breakfast, and 
were ready for departure at half -past five, our earliest 
starting time, requiring us to rise at cold half-past four. 

During all this time, we had found that our slight 
knowledge of German had fully sufficed to make known 
all our wants, as it had been spoken at every inn at which 
we had sojourned. In Lucerne, we had visited the 
Schweitzer Hof , to glance over the register there, and see 
if any friends were at hand, and, as we entered the office 
of the hotel, we saw a burly Englishman turning over the 
pages of one of the number of large books in the room. 



1G2 " don't know 1" 

As he left it, the Object stepped up to hirn, and, touching 
his hat, politely asked : 

" Is that the register, sir ? " 

To which our Englishman, first elevating the senseless 
single eye-glass, and surveying him from top to toe, 
replied, gruffly : 

" Don't know ! " Although he had been monopolizing 
it for some time. The Object replied, calmly: 

" I thank you, sir," and, mentally resolving to trouble 
no more English tourists with questions, turned to the 
book, which he found to be the register, examined the 
names entered, and, discovering those of several friends, 
sent up his pasteboard. 

The next day we found our polite Englishman on the 
same boat with us, and, at Fliielen, he took a private con- 
veyance. Upon stopping for dinner at a small inn, we 
found himself and lady there, and they expressed their 
astonishment at our reaching the place so soon, and, hear- 
ing us give our orders in German, they became very cor- 
dial, and asked us to order certain things for them, as 
they could not speak the language at all. They expressed 
the greatest admiration for our fluency (?), whereat we 
smiled inwardly, conscious that it was confined to a vo- 
cabulary of the smallest possible size. Then they be- 
gan to question us about America, and the fair dame 
remarked : 

" I would like to visit the country very much ; but I 
know that I could never endure it," giving the — to us— 



POOli LITTLE MICHIGAN. 103 

incomprehensible reason therefor, " for I always like good 
things to eat" 

Her spouse, learning that one of our number was from 
Detroit, Michigan, first asked him about the buffaloes, 
grizzlies, and Indians of that village, and then said : 

"So you are from Michigan, are you? Why, you 
must know a friend of mine there, Hugh McCullough— 
he keeps a saw-mill ! " 

Here at Airolo we had struggled bravely with our 
German, and had, with some difficulty, made ourselves 
intelligible to our fair hostess; when, just as we were 
about to pay our bill, an American gentleman entered the 
room, and addressed some question to her, which, to our 
utmost surprise, she answered in the best of English. We 
had not even thought of the possibility of her speaking 
our own language, in which we then made our final 
arrangements with her, and learned that she was more 
thoroughly conversant with it than with any but Italian, 
although, in addition to these, she spoke German and 
French. 

Receiving her farewell good wishes with thanks, we 
walked along the southern slopes of the St. Gothard, 
which are lovely beyond description in varied scenes, 
having upon them the breath of near " Sunny Italy." 
Soon we reached the river Ticino, and began an expe- 
rience, the reverse of that with the gloomy Reuss. The 
day was perfect — a most agreeable change after five days, 
all of which had been partly rainy — and we were up early 



164 FROM MOONLIGHT TO SUNSHINE. 

enough to behold, first, a beautiful moonlight scene, and 
then a radiant sunrise. In the rear, forming a complete 
background to the view of the valley, rose a lofty peak of 
a reddish-brown color, capped with virgin snow, and 
standing out firmly against the clear blue sky. 

As the cold moonlight gradually verged into the con- 
quering sunshine, first the very tip of the summit gleamed 
with the changed light, and, gradually, the whole peak 
became warmer in its colors, and was rendered more dis- 
tinct in its finer outlines, by the light of a glorious day 
with a cloudless sky. 

In the valley itself was a smiling confusion of all the 
shades of green which luxuriance of foliage can yield, 
and a long succession of thickly-shrubbed mountains and 
countless cascades, some appearing fine threads of white, 
thrown carelessly among the trees, and others like enor- 
mous icicles pendant from the cliffs. Here and there, 
campanili, or towers, slender and lofty, in the Lombard 
style, and cottages upon the heights, looked as though they 
might have been toys dropped wantonly from a giant hand 
far above, some falling in clusters, others widely separate, 
to dot the landscape far and wide. As the rays peeped 
over the tops of the mountains, the bright tints, fresh 
with dew, became brighter still, and, at last, we had the 
full light upon a landscape rich and fair. 

Beyond Dazio Grande, we entered a narrow and rocky 
ravine, through whose floor of massive rock the Ticino 
has pierced a slender passage, and, from the lowest point 



THE LANGUAGE EXHAUSTED. 165 

of the ravine, a series of cataracts of remarkable beauty is 
presented, forming our most beautiful bit of cascade 
scenery. 

And now we seemed to come* closer and closer into 
fair Italy's embrace. Scattered upon either band were 
masses of brown rocks, at whose feet swelled chestnut 
trees of dense leafage ; the mulberry, the fig, and the vine 
were neighbors ; and the very stones seemed fruitful, so 
rich was the profusion about them. Some lovely cascades 
were particularly noticeable, among their hundred fellows, 
for a close resemblance to bridal vails of flowing lace and 
finest texture. 

Suddenly Nancy sat down upon a rock, drew forth his 
note-book, and, holding it before him, began to weep. 

" What ails the poor babe ? " tenderly asked Hand- 
some. 

"Used — up— all—my adjectives," said Nancy, with 
mock sobs. 

"What?" 

" Yes, here I have gone and used up all the adjectives 
expressive of any kind of beauty in the English language, 
and all upon things which we have already seen, in Ger- 
many and Switzerland, and now that I need my best ones, 
I haven't any left." 

" Same case," returned the Object, dejectedly. " I've 
used ' beautiful' so often that I am tired of the sight of 
it, and the word is beginning to mean much less, to me, 
than it did." 



1G6 A GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION. 

"Hold ! " cried Handsome. " Have you tried ' scrump- 
tious'?" 

" No." 

" Well, you just tackle that, next time, and if it don't 
relieve your feelings, I am much mistaken. I don't 
know what it means, but I have heard young ladies make 
use of it, and now it seems to fill an aching void." 

The words of our old German teacher came forcibly 
to our memories, " It is to see. It is not to tell. You 
must see him for yourself." And so it was. The scene 
could not be adequately described. 

And now we had more tumblings by the Ticino and 
assistants, not to mention cascades, of which we had seen 
so many that we scarcely more than glanced at them. 

"The Cyclops' description of Switzerland, as he 
imagined it, when walking in the Black Forest, was just 
about the thing, after all," remarked the Object. 
" ' Mountains three times higher n these, and cascades 
leapin' around all over ! ! ! ' I cannot understand why 
most of the Latin nouns meaning stream should be mas- 
culine. I could easily explain it, if it were but feminine; 
couldn't you, Handsome?" 

" Oh, yes," ecstatically replied the unsuspecting lover 
of the female sex. " Because it is so beautiful ! " 

Alas, only to be disgusted by the reply : 

u Of course not. Because it has, usually, a waterfall." 

" Booh," said Nancy, scornfully, " don't you know any 
better than that? Why, as little as I know about the 



GOOD IN FIFTY YEARS. 1G7 

ladies, I do know that those abominations called - water- 
falls ' have been out of fashion for many years." 

" Well," returned the Object, hating to be cheated out 
of his joke (?), " fashion, like history, repeats itself, you 
know, and I rather imagine that waterfalls will continue 
to be the style among the streams until they come in 
again among the women." 

" How long do you expect that will be ? " 

" From present appearances, I should say fifty years, 
perhaps." 

" Well," said the critical Nancy, " I have my opinion 
of a man who makes jokes that won't be good for a half 
a century ! " 

Bat the shocked Handsome refused to carry on any 
conversation with the irreverent Object for some time. 

As we approached Biasca, we saw ahead a pedestrian, 
under full sail of huge umbrella, large pack, field-glasses, 
and walking-stick, and sauntering along with great easi- 
ness of gait. 

" How I envy that fellow, whoever he is," said the 
Object, who had recovered from his temporary disgrace. 
" See how lightly he trips along, unencumbered with use- 
less luggage, while we poor wayfarers toil along in the 
heat of the sun, bent double under the weight of tooth- 
brush and comb." 

Soon our stranger stopped to examine a bell-tower 
which was wavering to and fro, as its "bells rang, and we 
caught up with him to find that he was our Cockney of 



168 WE PUNISH OURSELVES. 

Lake Zug and the Higi. He had come down to Italy for 
a " choinge," and was ^ery proud of the ten miles he had 
walked that morning. So Handsome informed him, in a 
careless tone, that we had come from Airolo that morning : 

" Only twenty-two miles to this point. Very poor, 
very poor I Must do better, boys. Only about four 
miles and a half an hour." 

And, hoping either to rid ourselves of him, or else to 
give him a lively shaking up, we started at a tremendous 
rate of speed, which he with difficulty sustained, and soon 
we had the pleasure of seeing him fall gradually behind. 
So to " show-off," we — although it must be confessed that 
w T e were somewhat exhausted — raced on, thinking that a 
town which we saw near at hand was Biasca, and, with a 
killing spurt at the end, we stopped there only to iind 
that it was not our dining-place, after all. Half -dead, but 
bound not to yield to a British foe, we pushed on, and, 
after another similar performance and disappointment, 
we reached our hotel, and, heated and dripping as we 
were, found refreshment in cool water for our hands and 
faces. 

When beside the Ticino, we had stopped and taken a 
dip in the rushing stream, in order to add one more to 
the list of our romantic bathing-places. The current was 
so swift and the stream so shallow, that we were compelled 
to cling to large scones to prevent our being carried down- 
ward, at a rate more rapid than agreeable. The water 
was very cold, and our bath quite refreshing, as was also 



MAGGIORE. 169 

the " bald-headed cheek," as Handsome termed it, of the 
horse-flies, who feasted upon us while we dressed. After 
dinner at Biasca, we rested from -our walk of forty-two 
miles in the last nine hours of walking, and in the after- 
noon took the train via Bellinzona, for Locarno. So did 
She Cockney ! 



XI. 

NOKTH ITALIAN LAKES AND CITIES. 

It seemed hard to realize that we were still in Swit- 
zerland, so thoroughly Italian did everything seem. At 
one depot, we were in a waiting-room where we heard five 
diflo rent languages spoken inside of as many minutes by 
various people in the room — Italian, French, German, 
Rf manish, and English, the first four all being in use in 
d/ iferent parts of Switzerland. 

We ran through the valley of the Ticino, and at last 
saw our first Italian lake, Maggiore — although the town of 
Locarno is still Swiss. The lake was quite wide, and very 
much as we had pictured it, surrounded by slopes thick 
with lemon, orange, fig, and chestnut trees, and thickly- 
clustering vineyards, where the vines, almost trees in 
size, were supported upon tall columns of roughly-cut 
stone, and the vineyards looked very unlike those of Ger- 
many, which an acquaintance of ours had noticed while 
8 



170 THOSE WAVING FIELDS. 

on his steamboat trip up the Rhine, and had taken thern 
for, and afterwards described them as — " fields of corn." 
It is astonishing how far imagination can sometimes carry 
people. Another acquaintance, a lady, informed her 
American friends that : 

" She knew, the moment that the train carried her 
across the border, that she was in Italy. She recognized 
at once those waving fields of macaroni ! " 

Taking our afternoon swim in the clear waters of 
Maggiore, we stroked ourselves far from shore, and, 
"treading water," turned in all directions for the pros- 
pect — a novel mode of sight-seeing, but a very good one. 

Our Cockney had clung to us like a brother, and in 
order to make him afford us some return for the infliction 
of his company, we pursued with him a course of the 
most scientific " stuffing." Hearing a dog bark, in an 
inclosure beside tbe road, our friend took occasion to 
express his terror of the animal, especially when one was 
walking alone ; whereat the guileless Handsome asked, in 
tones of surprise : 

" Why don't you kill them, when they rush at you ? " 

" What ! kill big dawgs ? " exclaimed our friend, in 
tones of horror. 

" Why, yes, of course. We killed twenty-three in 
Germany — let me see. Was it twenty-two or twenty 
three?" 

" Twenty-three," said ISTancy, solemnly. 

" Oh, yes, so it was. Twenty-three." 



NOW AND THEN A DOG. 



" Does it take a very 'ard 'it to knock 'em over, now ?" 
" Yes, rather. When they jump for you, just thump 
them well over the 
head, and they top- 
ple over easily 



enough." 



Cockney eagerly 
drank in his in- 
structions, and look- 
ed his admiration 
at that nonchalant 
dog-slayer, Hand- 
some, who has been 
known to run half 
a mile to get away 
from a New Ha- 
ven goat. 

In the early evening we took the steamer along t he- 
lovely lake, past the Borromean Islands, with some mag- 
nificent old chateaux, partly in ruins, but in part still 
occupied, and all erected in a style of great splendor, and 
surrounded by gardens rising in terrace above terrace, 
and filled with choice tropical trees. We sailed on in the 
evening light, until the moon rose, when our ride became 
most romantic, the mere fact that we were upon Maggiore 
by moonlight arousing both sentiment and enthusiasm. 

Reaching Arona, we took the train for Milan, and 
arrived there just in time for breakfast. While walking 




ojsie of handsome's victims. 



172 ELEGANCE ! 

from the depot through the streets of this charming city, 
we felt most uncomfortably conspicuous as we carried our 
alpenstocks — and nothing else, and so we determined to 
take the first hotel which met our eyes. It proved to be 
the " Grand Hotel de Milano ;" but, perfectly reckless, we 
walked in, with dignity handed over our luggage, and 
were taken to our rooms by elevator. 

It seemed almost bewildering to be once more in a 
civilized hotel, and, although our sudden rise to elegance 
almost frightened us, we assumed the grandee style of 
bearing, and felt quite complimented when an English 
gentleman spoke of us, in our hearing, as members of the 
party of a very nice-looking American lady, who chanced 
to sit next us at tdble-d? hate. 

We sauntered from our hotel toward the ever- visible 
cathedral, " the eighth wonder of the world," and, on our 
way, everything which the bright morning offered was 
full of interest in lively, wide-awake Milan. 

The ladies were very charming, as they moved lightly 
to mass, wearing no hats, but graceful mantillas of black 
lace, performing at once the services of head-dress and 
shawl, and fastened in black hair dressed in the most co- 
quettish fashion, and setting off rich olive complexions 
and dark eyes in a most bewitching manner. The first 
lovely women whom we had seen, their whole appear- 
ance was so unmistakably that of the warm South, that 
had we not known that we were in Milan, we could witli 
difficulty have decided whether we were in Spain or Italy. 



SPAIN OR ITALY? 173 

The lavish profusion of fruit was not long unnoticed, nor 
the confectioners' windows, where were displays surpass- 
ing even those of New York, with glaced fruit of all va- * 
rieties — fresh figs, slices of pine-apple, orange, and lemon, 
luscious grapes and fresh almonds. All the stores were 
open, although it was Sunday morning, and hurrying 
crowds thronged the thoroughfares. The gentlemen were, 
as a rule, darkly handsome, and of fine figures. 

" How easily one could imagine himself in Madrid," 
said Nancy, as he glanced at the Spanish-like ladies with 
their dainty little slippers and their mantillas, and the dark- 
eyed, long-mustachioed men, most of them smoking long, 
slender cigars. These articles are here about eight inches 
in length and a quarter of an inch in diameter, and have 
a straw inserted in their very centers, to create an easy 
draught. The government has a monopoly of them, and 
they are very poor, although good imported cigars can be 
purchased at low rates. 

We walked through the Piazza della Scala, where is a 
handsome monument to Da Yinci, which directly faces the 
magnificent gallery of Yictor Emmanuel, a cruciform build- 
ing with a vast roof of glass, covering rows of attractive 
shops and cafes. In the evening this handsome arcade is 
lighted up by means of innumerable jets of gas, and in the 
large dome, ornamented by allegorical frescoes, a circle of 
fine jets is lighted by complicated machinery. The win- 
dows of the silk stores were especially attractive. Around 
numerous small tables, placed upon the marble pavement 



174 A FINE " SUBJECT." 

in front of the cafes, sit, morning and evening, crowds of 
people. They have a custom of eating, in the morning, 
ices that are but half-frozen, called granite ; but in tin 1 
evening the sorbetti, or frozen-hard ices, can alone be pro- 
cured. We waited for the world-renowned Venetian ices, 
before using up any adjectives upon those of Milan. 
Leaving the gallery by its front entrance, the glorious 
Gothic cathedral burst upon our sight, and, after viewing 
it from all sides, we entered, to spend the morning in ex- 
amining the architecture and the usual cathedral sights — 
rare stained glass, valuable bronzes, and elegant and start- 
ling monuments, one of which was a statue of Saint some- 
body in a very indecent condition, as he wore not even his 
skin, except as a mantle thrown over his na} r ed shoulders. 
It brought tears to the eyes of even the hard-hearted 
Handsome, who expects to be a physician. His remark 
was " What a tine ' subject ' !" 

We had the pleasure of witnessing a grand procession 
around the interior, in which numbers of priests and altar 
boys took part, carrying the rich cathedral plate, gold-em- 
broidered canopies, and enormous wax tapers. 

After lunch and a siesta, we set forth in quest of Leo- 
nardo da Vinci's world-famous " Last Supper," and, 
after considerable difficulty, discovered it in an obscure 
corner of an old monastery now used as barracks. The 
painting is a fresco upon the end wall of the former refec- 
tory, and is now in quite a ruinous condition, but showing 
through all its dimness and semi-obliteration strong traces 



SOME MARBLE. 175 

of its old-time glory. Perhaps it was because we knew 
that it was an acknowledged master-piece, and had seen so 
many copies of it, that we really enjoyed an hour before it. 

We spent the evening in the Public Gardens, which 
are such as any one would expect in Italy's luxuriance, 
and are a favorite resort of the fascinating Milanese. 

Next morning we proceeded to climb the high cathe- 
dral tower, stopping, now and then, for glances at the 
intricate architectural wonders around us. We reached 
the top of the first lofty flight ; crossed the roof of solid 
marble ; and completed the ascent to the very top, from 
whence were visible the distant Alps and Apennines, some 
of whose hoary old monarchs thrust their bleached heads 
far up into the morning sunlight. 

Yet the mountains, and the palaces and churches of 
the city sank almost into insignificance before the maze 
beneath us — flying buttresses, turrets, and spires, of finest 
cutting, and those of recent construction, of the purest 
white. The countless statues surmounting the pinnacles 
of the spires were all works of art, from the hands of the 
best Italian masters of centuries ago down to the present 
time. The marble roof, in its extensions, and the general 
solidity of the whole structure, gave one a much more 
agreeable impression than the fragility of Strasbourg; 
while the soft color, the richness of detail, and the grace- 
ful dome pleased the eye more than the purer Gothic 
cathedral of Cologne. Upon descending, we were actually 



170 MILANESE URCHINS. 

lost for a few moments, and found the right staircase 
only after a long search. 

Starting across the spacious Plaza in front of the 
cathedral, lo ! once more did we behold our Cockney, 
coming directly toward us. We had shaken him off 
upon entering the city ; but now he planted himself 
before us, and commenced a glowing account of the sup- 
per which he had enjoyed, the evening previous, for 
u only ten-pence 'alf-penny ! " But he was interrupted by 
one of the numerous venders of photographs approaching 
and importuning him, to be rewarded by a heavy blow 
and a push from the Britisher, which caused us to leave 
him in disgust. 

Upon our early, morning arrival in Milan, while stop- 
ping to examine the city map in our Baedeker, a young 
Italian, with a huge basket upon his back, stopped squarely 
in front of us, and only about two feet distant, and eyed 
us in such an insolent manner that it made our fingers 
tingle to reach him. But this assault upon the view boy 
was so wholly unprovoked, and the urchin was so small, 
that we were indignant, and, with much pleasure, bade a 
final good-by to our ever-returning bad penny. 

We betook ourselves to the Breda, a handsome build- 
ing with a large court in its center, in which latter stands 
a colossal statue of Napoleon I., by Canova. The picture 
gallery was very interesting, containing, of most note, 
Raphael's " Spozalizio," or Nuptials of the Virgin, a com- 
paratively small painting, of rich coloring and smooth 



COMO. 177 

execution ; Da Vinci's study of a head for the Saviour in 
the " Last Supper," a most expressive personification of 
benignant humility ; and Titian's " St. Jerome," a wild 
picture of an almost fiercely barbarous old hermit. 

We boarded the early afternoon train for Como, and 
were soon afloat upon the waters of its lovely lake. The 
little town of Como is interesting in a cathedral which is 
really a line structure, but which we did not twice glance 
at after Milan's. Pliny the younger and Yolta were both 
born here (not in the cathedral, but in the town). 

The lake was so narrow and the hills so lofty and closely 
girding that we seemed to be upon a beautiful broad 
river of azure color, and a great charm of the ride was 
that, as we rounded each promontory in succession, the 
old view was shut out behind us, and a new one ahead, 
which had before been entirely hidden, was opened in all 
its fullness. All along the thick-clad mountain slopes the 
olive was remarkably plentiful, and was easily distin- 
guished by its peculiar shade — a dull green, approaching a 
gray. Scattered along the shores, upon both sides, were 
elegant villas, the summer residences of wealthy Italian 
and English aristocrats, and their well-kept grounds pre- 
sented a luxuriance of Italy's most fair trees and flowers. 
The magnolia, covered with rich blossoms, vied with the 
tig and the olive ; the chestnut and the lemon, with the 
sweetly-blossoming orange. Along the very edge of the 
lake were numerous stone arches, the entrances to the boat- 
houses under the banks, and numbers of gayly decked 
8* 



178 AN EAELY CLIMB. 

boats, some rowed by ladies, some by handsomely uni- 
formed boatmen belonging to the various villas, made a 
sprinkling of dots of color upon the blue of the lake. The 
ordinary boats of traffic were very peculiar, yet not un- 
graceful, with one lofty and narrow sail very near the bow 
and very rudely constructed. The scene was sunny and 
dreamy, and Como surpassed the Swiss lakes in the soft 
outlines of its hills and the brilliancy of its vine, tree, and 
shrub-covered banks ; but the grandeur of Lucerne is not 
to be approached by even the loveliness of Como. 

We reached Bellagio, situated where the two long 
arms of the lake meet, and we arose at two o'clock, took 
a guide, and were rowed in a small boat to Cadennabbia to 
make the ascent of Monte Cotaiga, starting at this ghostly 
hour in order to avoid the intense heat of climbing in 
Italian day-time. 

After a fatiguing climb in the faint light, up mere 
cow paths, at times, and over slippery rocks at others, we 
reached the summit between seven and eight o'clock. The 
view resembled that of the Higi, in its azure lakes and 
distant snow-peaks, but, from the greater height, the ob- 
jects beneath us seemed somewhat more indistinct. Our 
guide was a stupid Italian, speaking only the most broken 
English, and scarcely opening his mouth except to speak 
of the direction to be pursued ; but the way he could 
climb up the mountain side was wonderful and mysteri- 
ous, and our pride forced us to keep pace with him. How 
we missed the lagging Cyclops! We made the descent 



LAKE GARDA. 179 

after an hour's rest upon the summit, and, rapidly and 
easily going down, we were at Cadenabbia in time to take 
the boat for Lecco. 

Here we took the train for Venice, and were very 
loth to put off the grandeur which we had assumed at 
Milan, and accordingly rode second class — chiefly, how- 
ever, because we were obliged so to do, or to remain all 
day in Brescia. 

" Americans, princes, and fools ride first class ;" but in 
Italy there is some excuse for them, inasmuch as the 
second class cars are dirty, badly cushioned, and badly ven- 
tilated. In Germany, France, and Belgium, however, 
the second class cars are palatial, and one meets numbers 
of gentlemanly people in those of the third. So we rolled 
along through scenery of Italian luxuriance, at times the 
very bushes and weeds beside the railroad track being so 
tall and thick as to completely shut out the view. The 
most charming spot along the route is at Dezenzano, where 
a most beautiful view of the Lago di Garda is had, the 
southern shore, along which the railroad runs, being com- 
paratively flat for some distance, so that, even as the trav- 
eler is whirled by, he enjoys a long continued view of the 
lake. It certainly cannot be surpassed in its blueness by 
any sheet of water upon earth, and, upon that day, it ap- 
peared to the best advantage from our point Df view, as a 
haze over the northern part of the landscape, and fleecy 
clouds nestling closely to the mountain tops softened the 
background so as to make it appear like a rare work of 



180 A GLOWING INTRODUCTION. 

art covered with the finest veil. Near our shore of the 
lake, there stretched almost across its broad southern ex- 
tremity a long, slender peninsula, seeming a tine line of 
foliage floating upon the waters, and, by its green leaves, 
connecting with the shore a high, rounded promontory, 
densely covered with dark trees. It added its mite to the 
charm of the lake. Near G-arda occurred the red battle 
of Solferino — man's discord beside nature's harmony. 

We passed through Verona, with massive fortifica- 
tions surrounding it, and, late in the afternoon, perceived 
ahead, a little to the right, the lofty campaniles and domes 
of the romantic Queen of the Adriatic, rendered blue and 
indistinct by the distance. We kept our heads out of the 
windows — until our eyes were filled with cinders — to look 
at the city which we had longed to visit ever since the 
day when first our youthful minds had grasped the intri- 
cacies of " joggraphy," and our wide-opened eyes had 
gazed upon a vile wood-cut, representing a city resting 
upon the waters. Soon we were upon the artificial isth- 
mus, which is the sole firm bond connecting Yenice with 
the shore, and over which the railroad passes. To our 
right lay the Adriatic and several of the more disjoined 
'islands of the city, and, as we passed over, in the other- 
wise cloudless, Italian summer's sky, lay an enormous 
cumulus cloud, rising in roll upon roll, and fold after fold. 
It was illuminated by the rays of tlu sotting sun, so that 
it was one lurid mass of folds of red light, and thus 
stretched down to the very water's edge, to meet its own 




© 

a 
p 

& 



OUR PRECIOUS BAGGAGE. 183 

reflection upon the mirror-like surface of the water, in the 
most splendid magnificence. The whole effect of the 
evening azure of the sky, the towers of the city nestling 
upon the perfectly calm sea, and this crimson, sun-set 
cloud was a fitting introduction to — Venice. 



XII. 

THE QUEEN OF THE ADRIATIC. 

In front of the large and grimy depot, we found our- 
selves in the midst of a lively and apparently confused 
scene, in which the chief points of interest to our won- 
dering eyes were gondoliers of all garbs, and gondolas of 
the same general appearance, inasmuch as their shapes 
were the same, and all were of funereal blackness. 

We found the porter of our hotel, and, in reply to his 
inquiries after baggage, handed over our Saratogas — still 
our cherished alpenstocks — with many injunctions to han- 
dle them with the greatest care, as they were tender, fra- 
gile things. He looked at us then ; but, when we added 
the information that the rest of our baggage was in our 
pockets, strange to say, he looked at us again! We 
explained the circumstances of our short trip, and he con- 
descended to be satisfied, affable, and very anxious to add 
to his small stock of English ; so he procured us a gon- 
dola, and seated himself with us in it. We were almost 



184 GONDOLAS AND GONDOLIERS. 

in a dreamy daze of excitement and pleasure, to be at the 
end of our long journey, and gliding past ancient palaces 
and grand churches, with the most delightful motion in 
the world. The gondoliers are, in appearance, a very 
unromantic class of individuals, but now and then we 
feasted our hungry eyes upon some ferociously-bearded, 
Victor Emmanuel-looking personage officiating at the oar, 
who quite filled our expectations. Though occasionally 
decked with a bit of ribbon, or a broad sash of some 
bright color, they resembled very much any other hard- 
working, coatless, perspiring boatmen, and, as we soon 
learned, were quite as ready to cheat you most unmerci- 
fully, as though they were the common-place hackmen, so 
dear to all true American hearts. We saw numbers of 
gracefully-proportioned gondolas, with bright steel or 
brazen prows, and hand cords running along their sides, 
manned by two gayly-uniformed gondoliers, and appear- 
ing very Venetian. These, we were informed, belonged 
to the aristocracy, either foreigners of wealth, or the 
descendants of those old nobles who were wont to deck 
their gondolas with gold, and trail behind them fortunes 
in silk and cloth-of-gold, until it was decreed that all such 
extravagant display should be given up, and all gondolas 
thenceforth should be of unadorned black. Our first 
gondola ride took us along the Grand Canal as far as the 
Kialto Bridge, where we turned aside, and took a devious 
route through streets — or, rather, canals — to the principal 
quay of the city, the Riva degli Schiavoni, where was our 



BEWILDERING SIGHTS. 185 

hotel. There we found the stroke of the Columbia four 
who had just distinguished themselves at Henley. Our 
rooms were paved with a kind of mosaic, very smooth, 
and refreshingly cool. We afterward observed that it 
was the common floor all over Venice, a composition evi- 
dently rolled smooth with the greatest of care, and closely 
resembling a mosaic composed of brown and white stones. 
Emerging from our hotel we walked along the quay, 
in the midst of a varied collection of sailors of almost 
every nation of the world, from Englishmen to Malays, 
and by fruit-stands rich in variety and profusion, and 
venders of the various insipid syrup- waters which the 
Italians so much delight in. We were crossing a bridge, 
when, glancing to our right, along a narrow canal between 
two high buildings, we took temporary root there, before 
the historical and poet-inspiring link between the Doges' 
Palace and the prison — for before us was the Bridge of 
Sighs. When, at length, we passed around the yellow 
palace, we were almost bewildered to see, clustering 
together, the two Syrian columns, St. Mark's, the lofty 
campanile, the quaint old clock-tower, and the Palace of 
the Doges ; and, on the left, opening widely, and daz- 
zlingly brilliant with innumerable lights, and brightly- 
dressed people, the Piazza of St. Mark, surrounded by 
arcades whose shop-windows were a study, as they dis- 
played, in purse -weakening profusion, Florentine and 
Byzantine mosaics, ingenious trinkets, and jewelry of 
most elaborate workmanship. In the center, a military 



186 HOWLING SWELLS. 

band discoursed sweet music, and, in the space between it 
and the light tables and chairs in front of the various cafes, 
promenaded those anxious to see and be seen. 

We seated ourselves at one of Florian's tables, far out 
in the square, and while sipping the reputed best ices in 
the world — " melting bliss," as the Object designated 
them — we grandly patronized the candy men, with their 
baskets of glaced almonds, and the smiling and much be- 
dizened flower-girls. We had never felt more princely. 
We set our hats at just the right angle, twirled our mous- 
taches (those of us who had them), and buttoned up our 
coats, then joined the throng of gayly-dressed promenaders, 
when, suddenly, when in the very midst of our triumphal 
procession, we were startled and saddened by a shocking 
discovery made by Handsome. 

" Object," said he, in accents thick with horror, 
"there is an enormous hole in the left elbow of your 
coat !" It was but too true. His coat, which had seen 
its palmy days in the spring-time, as one of 's (we re- 
frain from advertising him) best, had, at last, yielded to 
the pressure of rain, wind, sunshine, and the Object's el- 
bow, and left exposed, in glaring contrast to its own rich 
brindle, the Bowery Shirt — a fine view of at least a square 
inch. 

" Ah, I have it," said the Object, as he spurned the 
piece of pink court-plaster offered him by Nancy, and rose 
from the table, in the dark corner to which the Discovery 
had driven us. He seized the right arm of Handsome # 



ALL RIGHT AGAIN. 



187 



who was puzzling his brains for an expedient, and, thrust- 
ing his own arm within it, until the sleeve of Handsome' s 
coat completely hid the fatal tear from view, and, arm in 
arm, we marched on with as much grandeur as before. 
Returning, in the moonlight, past the Bridge of Sighs, we 
found, awaiting our arrival at our hotel, an army of small 




THE OBJECT FIRST BATTLES WITH THE ENEMY. 

mosquitoes of sharp buzz and sharper sting. As Hand- 
some and the Object, who occupied a large double room 
together, were in bed, awaiting the approach of sleep, the 
l latter remarked : 

" Handsome, I feel quite cosmopolitan, don't you ? 
But, instead of expressing it, like the hero of a romance, 
in much this style ; — 

" ' I've ridden the ship of the desert, driven my tandem 
in Rotten Row, rolled about in the jaunting car of Ireland, 
and steadied the diminutive donkey up the side of Drach- 



188 



A ROMANTIC RECITAL. 



enfels. I have sipped the Venetian ices, quaffed the 
American cock-tail, and tasted the palm-wine of Africa,' 
we might say : — 

" ' I have waltzed with the flea of Holland, and held 
sweet converse with the horse-fly of the Ticino, and the 
punky of the Adirondacks. I have interviewed the gnat 
of Venice, and warbled ' Home, sweet Home,' in the pres- 
ence of the terrible German, ah — couch-insect. I have 
sampled the cheese of Limburg, the caviare of the Rus- 
sian, the olive of the Spaniard, the ' " But the resound- 
ing Snore of the 
slender Handsome 
apprised him of the 
fact that his pe- 



"> Y nods were being be- 
stowed upon the 
mosquitoes alone. 
He said that on that 
night, for the first 
time, did he envy 
Handsome his fine 
snore, for it fright- 
ened all the mosquitoes away from him (H — ), and on that 
night, for the thousandth time, did he anathematize him 
for it, but this time, because in their anxiety to get away 
from the seat of the disturbance, the mosquitoes thronged 
to his (the Object's) part of the room, where they held 
high revel until morning. Then our work of " sight-see- 




THE OBJECT ENJOYS SWEET EEPOSE. 



ORIENTAL ST. MARKS. 189 

ing," half pleasure, half toil, began with the three lofty 
flag-staffs which still stand, as they have stood for centu- 
ries, a reproach to the effeminate descendants of those 
victorious Venetians who were wont to think upon the 
three countries under their sway, as their standards 
flaunted the breezes swelling from the Adriatic. 

To give a most brief and matter-of-fact description of 
the cathedral, it is an Oriental structure, whose Ave By- 
zantine domes overspread a lavish magnificence of decor- 
ation and hundreds of small columns of polished marble. 
Over its principal portal, are the much-wandering four 
gilded-bronze horses, which have graced the triumphal 
arches of a Nero, a Trajan, and a Napoleon Bonaparte. 

The most striking feature of St. Mark's is, of course, 
the profusion of mosaics, which are said to cover fifty 
thousand square feet, and are much like faded paintings 
in appearance. The subjects are all scriptural, and some 
of them have been chosen with such wretched taste, and 
worked out with such regard for indecent detail, that they 
deserve the epithet of disgusting. High up in the facade 
is the Lion of St. Mark, which one sees repeated in every 
material and manner. 

The interior of the cathedral is extremely interesting ; 
it may be called fantastic, with its rich marbles of the 
warm East, its bronzes, its profuse gilding, and its num- 
ber of mosaics of quaint appearance, even the floor being 
a smooth mosaic pavement. 

"The stone upon which John the Baptist was 



190 A MODEL SERVICE. 

beheaded" is among the sacred relics of the cathedral. 
We happened to be in the building at the time of some 
grand service, and watched with curiosity and amazement 
the manner in which the officiating priests conducted 
themselves. One poor unfortunate came forward, before 
the altar, evidently at the wrong stage of the service, and, 
commencing to go through with his share in it, was 
angrily seized and. pushed bach by another partaker in the 
ceremonies. One snatched the censer from another, and 
almost hurled him out of the way, and the faces of both 
were angry and scowling. A strange scene ! In one 
part of the ceremony the censer was swung, first before 
the altar a number of times, then before the cardinals 
seated in the choir. They doffed their red hats and 
placed their hands together, as they received the burnt 
incense as their due ; then, as the next in order was 
honored in like manner, they turned themselves toward 
him, and did him reverence. 

We passed out into the square, glancing, as we went, at 
the work of several artists who were busily putting upon 
their canvas the image of the gorgeous interior. While 
in the cathedral, our guide, who was pointing out and 
explaining the different objects of interest, waved his hand 
toward the magnificent bronze altar, and whispered, 
impressively: 

" Genteelmeen, at ze bottom under zis grande altare, 
repose ze great San Marco, ze patron of Yenezia. He is 
brought here from Alexandreea, one thousand year." 



IS) AH — THE GENTLEMAN DEAD ? 191 

" Ah," said Nancy. " He is the gentleman who owned 
the lion. Is — is he dead % " 

The guide's face grew livid, and his hand flew for his 
stiletto (" flew for his stiletto " sounds well, and his hand 
flew somewhere, any way. Handsome afterward sug- 
gested that it was for his pocket-handkerchief, but we 
laughed to scorn the idea of an Italian's possessing such 
an article, and agreed that it must have been for his 
stiletto). 

He paused, before drawing it, to ask : 

" Is you call Marco Twain \ " 

" No," replied the trembling Nancy, " my name is not 
Mark Twain." 

The guide kindly refrained from further demonstra- 
tions, but muttered : 

"Zat Marco Twain have made one big fool of ze 
guide profession in Italia, and all ze guide have conjura- 
tioned to keel him, soon as he come once more ! " 

Nancy was his most patient auditor for the rest of the 
morning. Before we entered the Doges' Palace, our 
guide pointed out the two columns of red marble, standing 
out in marked contrast to the white ones on both sides of 
them, in the upper colonnade ; it was from between these, 
he said, that sentence of death had been given forth, in 
the days of the stern old republic. 

On we went, and were soon at the foot of the " Golden 
Staircase," at one time sacred to the footsteps of those 
whose names were entered in the "golden book," as 



192 A GOLDEN LABYRINTH. 

nobili ; but it might as appropriately have derived its 
name from the profusion and richness of its decoration; 
nevertheless, humble as we were, and one of us with a 
hole in his sleeve, we did not have the least hesitancy in 
putting our unhallowed feet upon the sacred stairs. 

In addition to its other attractions, the interior of the 
palace contains an almost complete collection of the mas- 
terpieces of Paolo Veronese and the Tintorettos, whose 
best energies were here exerted. The series of apartments, 
through which one passes in a state of almost dazzled 
bewilderment, are gilded very richly, both the finely- 
carved woodwork upon the walls, and the labyrinth of 
picture frames which, verging into one another in sym- 
metrical arrangement, inclose the works of art spoken of, 
and actually form the ceilings. 

In one large hall was a series of portraits of all the 
doges, stern, impressive faces, which spoke of war and 
iron rule ; but, in the midst of the long succession of 
grand old gray-beards, a single square, of ebon black, with 
a plain inscription upon it to the effect that we were 
standing upon the spot where the Doge Marino Faliero, 
had been beheaded for his crimes. The crimes consisted 
in a purpose to change the form of government, and now, 
not only is his face shut out from its companionship with 
those of his fellows, but the vacant black tablet tells a tale 
of disgrace and execution, and catches the stranger's eye 
like night in the midst of day. So great is the difference 
between a successful and an unsuccessful criminal ! 



DOGES OF VENICE. 193 

Though the circumstances were slightly different, and 
the causes of the precipitation of the final move were of 
unlike natures, still the poor Doge but failed in what 
Napoleon III. accomplished ; the former gained death 
and ignominy, the latter an Empire, amidst the plaudits 
of his people. In this same room, covering almost the 
whole wall at one end, is the largest painting in the world, 
Jacques Tintoretto's Paradise, containing such a bewilder- 
ing multitude of figures, that it is impossible to carry 
away any definite idea of it, without the most protracted 
study. But the apartment in which we distinguished 
ourselves was the Scala del Senato— so-called— where was 
the rich throne of the Doges. The floor of the room, as 
of all in the palace, was of the same peculiar mosaic-like 
cement which we had found in our lodgings. The throne, 
surrounded by the plainer and less lofty seats of the sena- 
tors, was upon a raised platform of polished wood, and 
was shut off from the spectator by a cord stretched across 
it, and lynx-eyed attendants watched this and the other 
rooms, especially guarding the throne. 

Handsome and the Object lingered until the attendant 
took his departure to one of the adjoining rooms, when 
the Object watched at the door while Handsome seized 
the opportunity to rush up the steps, under the cord, and 
across the platform to the throne, where he hastily con- 
demned a few criminals to be beheaded, and returned 
across the platform, which fairly groaned, as if in horror 
of the sacrilege. Handsome then watched while the 



194 SPEAKING ITALIAN ! 

Object went through the same performance, with the dif- 
ference that his heavy walking shoes, and greater weight, 
made such a clatter that the echoes fairly rang ; so 
he contented himself with vetoing one law (don't know 
whether other Doges had that power or not, but that is 
what this Doge did), and then returned just in time to be 
standing, guide-book in hand, earnestly examining a paint- 
ing by Giovani, as the alarmed attendant returned ; but 
could find no ground for accusation in the studious atti- 
tude of one Doge of Venice and one combination King of 
Holland and Doge of Yenice. Nancy, very properly, re- 
garded the whole affair as too childish to be even counte- 
nanced by his august presence, and was monopolizing his 
bosom friend of the supposed stiletto in another part of 
the palace. We dismissed our guide, and, at dinner, man- 
aged to get what we wanted, by the combined use of 
German, English, and a little Italian which we found in 
our guide-book. Then, taking a nice-looking gondola at 
the Piazetta, we rode the whole length of the Grand 
Canal and visited some of the most noteworthy of the 
churches of Yenice, which are part of an almost endless 
catalogue of " sights." We passed away the time by at- 
tempting to pronounce certain phrases, which our guide- 
book (invaluable Baedeker) instructed us in, much to oar 
own amusement — and that of the gondolier. One bad 
fault of ours was that we would give the affirmative an- 
swer to any pleasantly -made questioning remark on liia 



ONE PRICE. 195 

part, without our having the faintest idea of his meaning, 
and, in consequence, found him taking us to various insig- 
nificant places which we had not at . all wished to visit — 
all from our well-meant " Ci." We had made up our 
minds to make a number of purchases, especially of mo- 
saics and jewelry, in Venice, and, on our return from our 
ride, we visited the arcades of the Piazza. Nancy had 
told us that it was notorious that the jewelers of Florence 
and Venice asked of foreigners a first price far above the 
value of their goods, and he said that a friend of his had 
bought an amount of mosaics for two-thirds of the price 
asked. So he made his plans accordingly, and, saying 
that one shop was just like another, and that he had no 
time to waste in looking around, entered one of the largest 
of the numerous jewelers' shops, chose his articles, laid 
them together, and asked the price. The man eyed him 
and said : 

" One hundred and twenty francs." 

Although even that price seemed ridiculously small for 
the lovely mosaic lockets, scarf-pins, and cuff-buttons 
which he had chosen, Nancy made his calculations, and 
answered : 

" I will give you seventy-five." 

To our amazement and Nancy's triumphant satisfac 
tion, the jeweler accepted without any hesitation, notwith 
standing that over the door, in the windows, and over the 
man's very head, were hung small signs bearing the 
words, " Pkix fixe, one price." His eyes opened to such 



196 IMPRISONED. 

an extent, the Object preferred to look about somewhat 
before making his purchases, and, finally, in a smaller 
shop, but with the usual number of prix fixe signs, he 
found about what he wanted. He chose articles almost 
the precise counterparts of Nancy's, asked their price, and, 
in the first place, was astonished at the answer, " Ninety- 
five francs," and next, when, with the greatest audacity, 
as he thought, and without any expectation of its being 
accepted, he offered fifty francs, his jeweler shrugged his 
shoulders, but proceeded to wrap up the articles. So 
much for " prix fixe." Stepping into the Piazza, Nancy 
said that he had not the least doubt that, if he had offered 
his man twenty-five, he would have accepted it. 

From the Piazza leads, to the Rialto, a lively and bril- 
liant, but narrow and winding street, called the Merceria, 
and, at the point where it leaves the square, is the great 
clock-tower. It is surmounted by two bronze figures 
which strike the hours, while at night the hour and 
minute are made known by illuminated numerals, Roman 
for the former, and Arabic for the latter. 

When we returned to our rooms at a late hour, we 
found the porter ready with a pastille, which he burned 
for the benefit of the mosquitoes, first tightly closing the 
prison-like shutters of solid wood, two or three inches in 
thickness, and completely shutting out light and air. The 
Object and Handsome calculated the number of cubic 
feet of air in their apartment, and decided that there 
would be enough to sustain life until morning. The mos- 



A DAY WITH ART. 197 

quitoes appeared to have received their quietus, in the 
incense burned to them ; but Handsome declared that he 
could hear reinforcements, outside,, rattling against the 
shutters, with a noise like that of a hail-storm. We 
were surprised to find the weather not at all uncomforta- 
bly warm, and, even with our blinds thus tightly closed, 
we were not so much oppressed, but that we preferred to 
be so, rather than to have plenty of fresh air with the 
necessary concomitant of mosquitoes. 

In the morning we climbed the tall campanile in the 
Piazza, from whose top Yenice of the Gondola appears 
much like an ordinary streeted city ; for the canals are 
so narrow and the buildings so lofty that even the wa- 
ters of the wide Canal Grande are wholly invisible. A 
morning spent at the " Academia delle Belle Arti," gave 
us another opportunity of studying the Venetian masters. 
The numerous and exquisite Madonnas of Bellini, one 
soon comes to recognize at a glance. The gem of the 
collection, however, is Titian's "Assumption," before 
which is always to be found a crowd of admiring people 
of all nations, and a number of copyists, hard at work. 
The first and last works of Titian are here displayed, side 
by side, and it was extremely interesting to compare his 
first rough attempt with the magnificence of the " As- 
sumption." The means by which Canova's great concep- 
tions of mind were given tangible form — the sculptor's 
own right hand is preserved here, in an urn ; and here, 
too, is one of his earliest works, " Dffidalus and Icarus," 



198 MOULDERING AWAY. 

and, also, the original model of the celebrated group, 
" Hercules and Lychas." 

We took our afternoon gondola ride, this time to visit 
some of the palaces, the most noticeable being that of the 
Foscari of Byron's tragedy. One can perceive how ex- 
quisite were these old palaces, when their materials of 
construction were fresh ; but now their sole beauty lies in 
their architectural interest, and their general proportions, 
as time and weather have so discolored them and so oblit- 
erated their fine cuttings, that they present a dismal ap- 
pearance in the searching sun-light, but under the dim 
moon they are still surpassingly lovely. The same can be 
said of the churches, whose line external sculptures are 
much disfigured in color and outline. 

The Canal Grande is lively with numerous small craft, 
and collisions seem imminent almost every instant, but 
almost never happen, so great is the skill of the boatmen, 
who have peculiar and not unmusical cries, uttered in va- 
rious emergencies. 

Every time one gets into or out of a gondola, he is ren- 
dered totally unnecessary and unwished-for assistance by 
loiterers, who expect a fee, and swell the breezes with 
loudest maledictions if it is withheld. Before we left 
Venice, we returned to the Doges' Palace to visit the 
dungeons, and to stand upon the Bridge of Sighs. We 
were conducted by a torch and an explanation in English, 
evidently committed to memory, -word for word- — the con- 
ductor himself being such an insignificant part of the 



A BYRONIC WHIM. 199 

performance, that neither of us carried away the least idea 
of his appearance, although we distinctly remembered 
both torch and explanation. The dungeons have no fea- 
tures of appearance peculiarly their own, but, like all con- 
tinental prison-rooms, have a great lack of size, light and 
ventilation, and abound in blood-stains, implements of 
torture, etc. We were shown one dungeon for political 
offenders, where Lord Byron, in a poetical whim, caused 
himself to be confined for two days and nights, under- 
going the treatment of a prisoner, and turning the time 
and the inspiration furnished by his surroundings to the 
composition of part of one of his Venetian tragedies. We 
turned from the Bridge of Sighs, without descending to 
the prison referred to in the lines : — 

" I stood in Venice on the Bridge of Sighs; 
A palace and a prison on each hand :" 

For, unfortunately for Romance, none but criminal 
offenders had been confined in that prison, the political of- 
fenders being immured in the "pozzi," or wells sunk 
in the thick walls of the Doges' Palace. " The Bridge 
of Sighs is a gloomy, covered gallery, high above the wa- 
ter, and divided by a stone wall into a passage and a cell. 
The prisoner, when taken to his death, was conducted 
across the gallery, and, being led back into the other com- 
partment, or cell, upon the bridge, was there strangled." 

Turning from these gloomy relics of a terrible past to 
the brightness of the Piazza, we were just in time for a 



200 



DOVES AND MAIDENS. 



peculiar spectacle there presented every afternoon. In 
Venice the pigeon is as sacred as is the stork in Germany, 
and every nook and cranny of St. Mark's and the adjoin- 
ing buildings is inhabited by the descendants of some 
noble carriers that once brought great tidings to the city. 
These fluttering nuisances — according to our ideas — are 
fed at the city's expense, every afternoon, in the Piazza, 
and the pavement then looks as though it was one grand 
changing mosaic of doves, so completely are the stones 

hidden by thousands 
of the hungry birds. 
They are very tame, 
and it is the great de- 
\-_ light of young ladies 
jj= to buy a small cornu- 
copia of grain from 
the urchin venders 
thereof ; and, in fewer 
moments than it takes 
to write of it, they are 
almost overwhelmed 
with their pets, perch- 
ed upon every available resting-place — hats, shoulders, 
hands ; until they fairly totter with the weight of strug- 
gling, whirring, fluttering doves, that are eager to leave 
them as soon as their last grain of corn has been devoured, 
and to betake themselves to the next fair pander to their 
insatiable appetites. 




AS USUAL. 



THE RETREAT. 201 

For the fourth time at Florian's, for the fourth time we 
noticed a charming flower-girl, who, as often as we had 
seen her, had appeared in a different costume, each 
as becoming as the preceding. 

And now for our last night's rest in Venice, and a rise 
at misty four o'clock, to be rowed bj a sleepy gondolier 
along the silent Grand Canal, taking, as we left it, one 
last, lingering look at the sweet city of our past dreams, 
and dream-like sojourn, and lofty charges — as usual. 



XIII. 

WE RAIL FROM VENICE TO GENEVA. 

On to Turin, repassing Garda and Milan, and, through 
the Italian richness of grain, vine, and tree, catching a 
glimpse of its snowy cathedral. Now and then we saw 
peasant women in their bright costumes and strange head- 
dresses, with two immense egg-shaped masses of silver, 
one behind each ear, and fastened firmly in their dark, 
closely-braided hair. We passed through Magenta, where 
the graves of the slain in its battle are to be seen near the 
depot, and, near them, a large monument of yellow mar- 
ble, with an inscription upon it to Napoleon III. The 
French people and language are, naturally, very popular 
in Italy, and we found to our cost that a knowledge of 
9* 



202 FROM HAPPINESS TO MISERY. 

either French or Italian was almost indispensable to com* 
fort in traveling there. 

As we were whirled along in perfect contentment, 
looking at the rapidly-changing scenery or studying onr 
guide-books, we were suddenly thrown into confusion by 
an official, who opened the door of our compartment, and 
excitedly made some inquiry in Italian. As usual, upon 
such an occasion, we took it for granted that our tickets 
were wanted ; so we produced them, but the officer 
became more excited, and, coming in, planted himself 
directly before the Object, and sent forth a perfect stream 
of Italian questions. The frightened Object turned to 
Nancy, saying : 

" Here, Nancy ; you are the noblest Italian of us all. 
Just talk to this buccaneer, will you?" 

Nancy expended all his stock of Italian in one supreme 
effort, and shouted : 

" Macar-r-r-oni, Don Giovanni, Diavolo! speak Eng- 
lish ? " 

A scowl, and a shake of the head. 

" The deuce you say. Sprechen Sie Deutsch ? " 

No answering sign. 

Meantime, the train had stopped, all the people in the 
car were standing up and looking at us over the low 
divisions between the compartments, and, outside, a large 
crowd pressed around the door. Great excitement ! and 
we began to be really alarmed, as we -had no passports and 
no means of making ourselves understood, and did not 



IN THE HANDS OF THE PHILISTINES. 203 

know what might happen to us. Now, the official was 
reinforced by two or three others, one of whom began to 
talk to us in French ; but our knowledge of that language 
was limited to a score of words, and all we could do was 
to sit perfectly still, and, with hair on end, blankly and 
idiotically stare at our frantic interlocutors. 

Then four of the fiends seized upon the Object, and 
carried him away into the privacy of a high-walled 
garden near the depot ; and there, while the crowd out- 
side surged around the gate, and talked with noisy voices, 
they renewed their torture of questions and fierce gesticu- 
lations. The Object remaining mute, a quiet individual, 
appearing to be a person of some authority, who had 
accompanied them, spoke a few words to them, and they ■ 
returned the Object to his anxious companions. And 
then the attack upon the three tramps conjoined was 
renewed, when, to our intense relief , a young German, who 
had heard us ask the guard if he spoke German, came 
forward, and made known to us that they merely wished 
to know our nationality and our destination. When, 
through him as interpreter, we had satisfied them that we 
were innocent and harmless American students traveling 
to Turin, they slowly left us, and turned to the next com- 
partment to search there ; and our German deliverer in- 
formed us that they were in search of some runaway 
English criminals, and we blessed him for his services, 
and sat down in peace. Yet not perfect peace, for, every 
time the train stopped, our officials came and looked 



204 NOT SURE OF OUR IDENTITY ! 

searchingly into our compartment. We were evidently 
suspicious characters. 

" Well," emphatically remarked the Object, in a tone 
which implied that it was anything but well, " I wonder 
what we will be taken for next. In Rotterdam we were 
Swiss, in Baden, English tourists. Handsome's black 
eyes caused a Schwartz-wald hostess to think us French, 
and, in Yenice, the other day, we heard an American 
young lady, who had been furtively examining the seal 
ring of one of the party, whisper : ' See those English 
lords, George !' And now we are criminals, ah, bitter 
degradation 1" 

But we were now at Turin, and we hastened from the 
large depot to the streets of a gay, beautiful city, much 
like Milan. From Turin, we took train directly for Ge- 
neva, passing through the wonderful Mt. Cenis tunnel 
during the night, and, before we entered Switzerland, en- 
joying a morning's ride through part of France. We ran 
for a long distance beside the Rhone, which changes the 
wonderful clearness which it has when emerging from 
crystal Lake Leman, and in a very short time becomes of 
the muddiest color imaginable ; so that one who has seen 
it at Geneva can scarcely believe that it is the same river. 
We spent our afternoon at Geneva, in searching for the 
live long-lost ones, whom we expected to find there, and 
made a long and tedious round of visits to bankers and 
hotels, until we discovered that they had departed, the 
night before, to Paris. Disgusted at thus being kept 



SIGHTS AT GENEVA. 



205 



from oar letters, which they had dragged off with their 
own, we engaged seats in the diligence for Chamounix, 
and spent our evening upon Rousseau's Island, in the 
midst of the blue waters. Geneva is built around the 
end of the lake, and its quays are lined with large hotels, 
pleasant gardens, and stores surpassing even those of Lu- 
cerne in their displays of Swiss carvings and watches, and 
jewelry of unique designs and exquisite workmanship. 
Its two parts, which are separated by the Rhone, are 
united by numbers of bridges, one of which, the Pont du 
Mont Blanc, is very long, handsome, and always crowded 
with people. Geneva appears to its prettiest advantage 
when viewed from the lake. On clear days, Mont 




BEGGARS AT GENEVA. 



Blanc is distinctly visible from the quays on the right 
bank of the Rhone, and, in the rays of the setting sun ; 
its far-off peak assumes its rosiest tinge. 



206 OUR 'OTELS. 

At our hotel we met an Englishman, who appeared to 
be much interested in us, and questioned us closely about 
our trip ; but in a manner which illustrated a remark a 
much-traveled friend of ours had made, on the subject 
of continental hotels : 

" Of course, their largest number of patrons is made 
up of Englishmen and Americans, especially of the form- 
er, and the first-class hotels all over the continent have 
become almost thoroughly English, in all their orderings. 
The waiters all speak English ; the dishes at table are al- 
most all English dishes ; the latest English papers fill the 
reading-room ; and an Englishman can travel throughout 
the continent, and, as far as his hotel is concerned, scarce- 
ly know that he has been outside of his own sea-girt home. 
And most of them know nothing of the places they visit, 
except — hotels." 

So our friend here, after a few preliminary questions, 
asked : 

" Aw, 'ave yon, aw, been to Eotterdam ? " 

"Yes." 

" Aw, what 'otel did you stop at ? " 

We told him. 

u You made a great mistake, a great mistake. Yon 

should 'ave stopped at the Y . Yery comfortable 

there. Fine table-d'-hote. Aw, been along the Rhine, 
you say ? " 

" Yes." 

" Stopped at Cologne, I presume." 



TOO HOT WORK. 207 

« Yes." 

"Aw, what 'otel did you stop at?". 

" Hotel Billstein." 

"Bill — what? Neraw heard of such a 'ouse. It 
must be quite vulgavv ! " 

We assured him that it was a neat German inn, and 
that we enjoyed it. 

"Been to Italy?" 

" Yes, we have just come from Milan, Venice, and 
the Lakes. Have you been there ? " 

"Aw, yes." 

" Did you not admire the wonderful statuary, from the 
roof of the cathedral in Milan ? " 

"Well, aw, I cawn't say I visited the roof of the 
cathedral. Such a beastly bore, you know, to do any 
climbing in such 'ot places." 

" Not visit the cathedral roof !" exclaimed Nancy. " Of 
course, you liked Leonardo da Vinci's ' Last Supper.' " 

"Cawn't say I remembaw that. These pitchaw 
galleries get to be such a demned gwind, you know. 
But, aw, what 'otel did you stop at in Milan ? " 

We told him, and he appeared satisfied with it, and 
went on : " Stopped at Venice, of course." 

"Yes." 

" Aw, what ^otel did you stop at f " 

" Let me think," said Nancy. What was the name of 
that hotel, fellows ? I can't remember it." 

Handsome and the Object had both forgotten its 



208 VENICE SEEN IN VAIN. 

name, and told our English friend so. At this, he seemed 
perfectly astounded, looked at us in wondering silence for 
a moment, and then, in a way that plainly showed us 
that, in his opinion, we might just as well never have seen 
the Queen of the Adriatic, found voice to say : 

" Not remembaw your 'otel ? Nevaw heard of such a 
thing befaw, nevaw, by Jove, nevaw ! " 

, It was too much for his comprehension, and he left us 
to join some of his compatriots, to whom we saw him 
talking earnestly, now and then looking towards us ; and 
we judged, from their amazed looks, that they were being 
told that " those Yankee boys did not weally remembaw, 
by Jove, what, aw, 'otel they stopped at in Venice." 

In the lofty diligence, be- 
hind six horses covered with 
tinkling bells, we rattled from 
the quay, as the driver cracked 
his long whip, and uttered a 
peculiar gurgle of encourage- 
ment to his horses. As soon 
as we had passed out of the 

beauty and "utility com- cit ^ however, the rapid trot 
bined. degenerated into a walk, but, 

at every village we came to, the driver whipped up his 
horses, and we dashed through in line style. I presume 
that those poor, deluded villagers think — as we did before 
we learned by a sad experience — that the whole journey is 
made at that same dashing pace ; for they gather, in 




A FALL IN THE MAEKET. 209 

crowds, to see the coaches pass, and reverence the driver 
as a small-sized emperor. Yanity, vanity ! 

At one place, after our stop for dinner, we were much 
amused by the crowds of women and children who 
pressed around the diligence, with little baskets of fruit, sus- 
pended from the ends of long poles, and which they thrust 
up before our eyes, crying, " cinquante centimes ! " This 
was the market price of each tiny basket, and it was very 
firm, until the coach became gradually filled with the pas- 
sengers, when those who had not sold out cried with great 
eagerness, " quarante, quarante centimes ! " then, as the 
driver mounted to his seat, " trente ! trente /" at last, just as 
we were to drive away, the cry was, " vingt-cinq, vingt-cinq 
centimes" just half their original price. " Those young- 
sters will be Venetian shop-keepers, some day," remarked 
Handsome, as he thought of our experience there. 

We passed cascades, rendered even more beautiful 
than usual, by recent long-continued and heavy rains. 
One of these, said to resemble the Staubach, was 
pronounced more beautiful than that famous cascade, 
by one of our fellow-passengers. We had a " glorious 
glimpse of the glittering glaciers and pinnacles ■' of 
Mont Blanc (as the alliterative Nancy remarked), as 
we crossed the turbulent stream whose course we fol- 
lowed for some time, at one point, hundreds of feet above 
it, and with it almost directly under our feet, so steep 
was the bank ; and we soon came in sight of the Glacier 
des Bossons, with its long reach of ice and snow pinna 



210 



THE DARING MOUNTAINEER ! 



cles, and Chamounix itself greeted our eyes in the early- 
evening. Spending the evening in a walk along the road, 
we met numbers of young Englishmen in knickerbockers, 
and some of them carrying alpenstocks literally covered 
with names of passes and mountains ; and, in the town, 
we saw quietly-chatting, pipe-smoking groups of guides, 
with their heavy leggings and wide-brimmed hats, 
adorned now and then with a sprig of edelweiss, as witness 
to their daring. Handsome purchased some edelweiss, and 
wrote letters to all his lady correspondents — mother, sister, 
etc. — in each of which he inclosed a blossom, and 
wrote : 

" Inclosed you will find an edelweiss, a flower much prized 
for its rarity, as it grows only at the most dizzy heights, and 
in places to reach which one must hazard his life. It is 
mach sought for by Swiss lovers, to present it to their 

ladies, as proof of their 
boldness and courage, and 
as we sauntered along the 
eighteen-inch wide paths at 
US! the top of terrible chasms, 
we saw their bones bleach- 
ing in the sun by the hun- 
dreds. This blossom was 
handsome, concerninq edkl- picked on the Matterhorn, 
WE1SS - where, now and then, we 

climbed a precipice, after the little flowers. I hope you 
will prize it for the sake of the sender, who, though, per- 




HARD DAY'S WORK. 211 

haps, reckless and foolhardy, has risked his life to 
pluck it." 

In his little account-book lie entered the following : — ■ 
" Item — One bunch of edelweiss from boy at Cha- 
mounix 1 franc, 50 centimes=30 cents." 

We arose very early next morning, with the prospects 
of a very hard day's work before us ; and, as we started 
along the road toward the Mer de Glace, to our right lay 
the monarch of European mountains, in dazzling, virgin- 
white radiance. 

We crossed the little river, and took the foot-path to 
Montanvert, a climb of not great difficulty, but long and 
tiresome. Montanvert is directly over the Mer de Glace, 
and near the point where the usual crossing is begun ; and 
here we took a guide and started across the vast expanse 
of ice, with here and there a crevasse to jump — yawning 
and of terrible depth, sometimes, and showing the pure, 
unsullied ice, in its beautiful color, of a shade difficult to 
be decided upon as a very light blue or a very light green, 
and which, accordingly, Nancy described as "light green- 
ish-blue," and Handsome as " light blueish-green." Our 
guide conducted us by a steep path up the " Chapeau," 
where we had a view of the glacier in its full extent, and 
here we rested from our exertions, and took the refresh- 
ment which we had brought with us ; then, although 
already tired, went rapidly down the steep path, reached 
the road once more, and, having dismissed our guide, 
began the toilsome ascent of the Flegere. 



212 LONGING VS. POCKET-BOOK. 

As we labored upward, the remembrance of our old 
Rigi climb seemed as child's play, in comparison with our 
present experience, and it was with feelings of great men 
tal relief and of physical weariness that the very top wau 
reached, and we enjoyed a vision of every part of the 
blinding Mont Blanc chain stretched out before us, with 
its reflection softening in the coming twilight. We 
devoted as much time as we dared to the study of the 
scene, and reached Chamounix late in the evening. Oh, 
how we longed to make the ascent of Mont Blanc .tself ! 
And only the enormous expense deterred us i *om so 
doing, as, for three of us, with the proper nuLiber of 
guides, expensive wines, and other necessaries, it could 
not have been made for much less than one hundred and 
twenty-five dollars. Accordingly, we contented ourselves 
with what we had already done, and walked back to 
Geneva in one day and part of a second. 

At table-d'-hote, there sat opposite us an elderly French 
gentleman and lady, and, with them, a most lovely young 
lady, whose charms quite impressed even the unsuscepti- 
ble Nancy. During the first few courses, the trio oppo- 
site us conversed in French, entirely, and, naturally, we 
set them down as belonging to that nation ; but Nancy 
went a little too far in his conclusions when he turned to 
the Object, and remarked, in a low tone, 

" I say, Object, do you observe what bewitching eyes 
the French young lady opposite us has ? And just look 
•at that little, white hand 1 " 



NANCY PASSES THE ICE. 213 

The young lady appeared to be perfectly unconscious 
of his remark, but as soon as an opportunity offered, she 
looked directly at the admiring Nancy, smiled very 
sweetly, and (evidently with intention of letting him 
know that she had understood his sincere compliment), 
with just enough accent to make the ordinary dinner- 
table request sound very prettily, said : 

"I beg your pardon, sir; but will you have the kind- 
ness to pass me the ice ? " 

Nancy blushed, in his confusion seized the first article 
before him, which happened to be the salt, handed it to 
her, and hurriedly left the table, without a glance at the 
amused face of the young lady (for she appeared not at all 
displeased), nor at his astonished companions. Handsome 
gallantly passed the ice, with his best bow — but noticed 
that she did not take any of it! He and the Object 
finished their dinner, hunted up the thunder-struck Nancy, 
reviled him for not remaining and improving his opportu- 
nities, and then all three took a late train for Paris. 




FOR PARIS. 



XIV. 

ADVENTURES IN WICKED PARIS. 

Our Cockney friend of the Pigi and Italy had, during 
the course of our forced companionship, informed us that 
he had taken a period of some weeks in Paris, and had 
been at a remarkably pleasant and reasonable hotel, where 
every one spoke English, where we could have spacious 
and elegantly-furnished apartments for a franc and a hall' 
per diem, and where we would be in the center of all the 
attractions of the city. So, upon our arrival, we took a 
cab directly to his Parisian hotel-paradise, the " Grande 
Balcon," and were set down at a place where, after some 
examination, we discovered the sign of our hotel, and, 
entering the doorway, found ourselves in an exceedingly 
dirty and villainously-scented entry, where we moused 
around for some time, until we succeeded in reaching 
a small room like an office. There we found a stout, 
greasy Frenchwoman, and were not long in learning that 
no one in the house spoke either English or German. 
Still the Object mustered up what few words of French 
he knew to ask to be shown rooms, saying that we wished 
them for some time ; accordingly, we were conducted to 
a small, dirty room, in a state of the greatest disorder, and 
with but two narrow beds, and were told that we could 
occupy that for the modest sum of fifteen francs per diem. 



4 
o 

CO 

a 

► 

Q 

§ 

w 

f 
W 

M 

U 
t- 1 

o 




216 SEASONABLE AND NEAT ! 

Not exactly charmed with it, we were shown another, a 
few nights lower, for eighteen francs ; so we left in 
disgust, muttering imprecations upon the Cockney's head, 
and sought several hotels in the neighborhood, but all 
were of the same general characteristics, of much dirt and 
large prices. 

At last, we were directed to pleasant lodgings near the 
Arc de Triomphe. An old English lady was the proprie- 
tress, and it was a pleasure to listen to her talk about the 
French people, for whom she appeared to cherish no great 
affection, although she had lived among them for almost 
two-score years. 

"I never saw such a set. They are never contented, 
ye know," she said, and went on to reminiscences of 
Charles X., of Napoleon's coup oV etat, and of the Franco- 
Prussian war, and the occupation of the city by the Ger- 
man forces. She had, at that time, fifteen men quartered 
in her house, and said : 

"The Germans were perfect gentlemen, but them 
crazy Communists were the wilest set o' desperate willains 
wot ever existed. Every night at nine o'clock, some 
German under-officers, ye know, came 'round and went 
right into the rooms of the men — for they were not 
allowed to have their doors locked — and called a roll, and 
saw wot they were a doin' of ; and once two of them 
came to me, common soldiers- they were, yet in very good 
French they asked me if I would please be so kind as to 
let them go out, ye know, and I said, 'yes, on condition 



REMINISCENCES. 



217 



ye won't go and get hintoxieated,' and 'they said that it 
wasn't for that, bnt merely to look around ; and, do ye 
know, when those men came back, they took off ^ tneir 
boots— I was awake and saw them— so as not to disturb 

the 'ouse." 

She said that the common soldiers of the German 
army possessed a knowledge of Paris which surpassed that 
of the Parisian soldiers themselves. On one occasion, two 
prisoners were being brought into the city, and, when 
almost in, asked of their guards : 

"Why have you taken us by such a round-about 

way ? " 

"What mean you?" asked the Frenchmen. There- 
upon one of the prisoners pulled from his coat a map of 
Paris and its environs, and pointed out to his conductors 
the route they had taken, and, also, a much shorter one 
which they could have followed. We finished our talk 
with, or rather hearing of, the old lady, with some "good 
hold Hinglish hale," and started out upon our sight- 
seeing. 

It would be wholly superfluous to describe the well- 
known places of interest of " the American's Paradise,'' 
but, perhaps, a few words concerning the famous Exposi- 
tion of 1878, and a few points of comparison between it 
and our own of 1876, may interest the reader. The dif- 
ferent exhibits were compressed into a comparatively 
small space, rendering the tour of the Exposition much 
10 



218 THE EXPOSITION OE '78. 

more convenient, and much less wearisome than that of 
the " Centennial." 

There were but three buildings of any consequence ; 
the main building much resembling that of Philadelphia, 
a smaller one, also built of iron and glass, and the ele- 
gant and tasty Trocadero Palace, a beautiful building of 
the purest white marble, and of most graceful shape. 
Two slender, curving, arm-like portions stretched out, 
one on either side of a large circular building, lofty and 
massive ; and, along the whole curved length of the 
wings, and forming a lower border around the circular 
portion until it joined them, stretched a gallery, bordered 
by graceful pillars, and whose wall and ceiling were 
tinted a rich maroon, standing out in clear contrast to 
the creamy white of the whole building, and, especially, 
of the pillars, which were framed in the deep color of 
this background. The central circular division was a 
large, theater-like, audience hall, said to be the largest in 
the world, and there organ recitals were given daily. 
From the Trocadero towards the center of the Expo 
sition grounds, faced a magnificent fountain, in which a 
broad sheet of water fell in a grand, artificial cascade of 
fall after fall, as if over a ffigantie fii<rht of broad stairs. 
Around in it, were huge, gilded statues, with spouts of 
unique designs, and on either side of each "step" of 
the cascade was a large spout, with thousands of the finest 
perforations; and the general effect of the palace with 
its wonderful fountain, was very fine. 



BAUBLES ! 219 

The grounds were quite tastefully gardened ; the 
Seine, crossing them, between the Trocadero and the 
Main Hall, was spanned by a handsome bridge, and 
added a charm to them ; and before the Main Hall, the 
colossal statues of men holding spirited horses were 
deserving of admiration. The chief points of interest 
among the exhibits may be touched upon. The " Eng- 
lish Pictures " composed a grand collection, where one 
saw painting after painting which he had seen copied, 
photographed, and engraved, time and time again. 
Landseer, Millais, Alma Tadema, Ward— all were there. 
The Prince of Wales 5 exhibit of the presents which he 
received from Indian princes, while on his Eastern tour, 
was very attractive, and contained many valuable articles 
of Indian gold-working, some of huge size, and numbers 
of exquisitively-wrought arms and richly-embroidered 
robes and saddles. The so-called Crown Jewels of 
France were every imaginable ornament of diamonds — 
diamonds — diamonds. Crowns, coronets, necklaces. In 
the Main Hall, one-half of all the space was occupied by 
the French exhibits, which presented a very brilliant 
display in everything but agricultural implements; 
while, on the other hand, the American display was 
meager beyond description in everything except agricul- 
ral implements. America's art exhibit was small and 
poor; the French exhibit of Gobelin's tapestry and of 
Sevres was rich and elegant. The modern sculptures did 
not so greatly surpass the exhibit of '76. The Japanese 



220 AGAIN THE COCKNEY. 

department did not compare with the same at Philadel- 
phia, and there was nothing here to be spoken of in 
comparison with the grand and bewildering Machinery 
Hall, nor the wonderfully extensive exhibits of Agri- 
cultural Hall. In summary, the Exposition of Philadel- 
phia, to our minds, surpassed that of Paris in '78, in its mag- 
nificent grounds, its buildings — taken as a whole — its 
wonderful machinery, interesting Chinese and Japanese, 
and, as was to be expected, American and Canadian depart- 
ments. Also in the wide-awake Yankee activity dis- 
played in all arrangement and enterprise for providing 
continual musical entertainment, and convenient resting 
and refreshment places. Whilst the Exposition of '78 
excelled, as was also natural, in the treasures of art, of 
which the Old World is the natural font, in exquisite 
curios, and in the exhibits of the neighboring nations. 
The poverty of the American exhibit here can be ex- 
cused upon the ground of our recent home Exposition, 
though not upon that of distance, when one considers 
the American reputation for enterprise. 

While we were examining the English pictures we 
were startled by an apparition. Our Cockney, we knew, 
was now in the midst of a grand and lengthy trip to 
Venice, Florence, Naples, and Pome; for did he not 
make us almost envious, as he related to us his intentions ? 
And his word was as good as gold. Besides, he " had 
been in Paris so long, and seen the ploice so thoroughly," 
that he " weally thought he nevaw would care to go there 



frJ 



ta 




222 MABILLE. 

again." But there before us wandered the Cockney — 
pick and all — and looking at everything, in general, 
rather than the magnificent paintings around him, 
although he had said he was an artist. We cut him dead. 
So fare ye well, old Cockney. 

Upon our first evening in Paris, we visited the Jardin 
Mabille, which we found a charming garden, well laid 
out, and in its center perfectly gorgeous in its fittings. 
The "pavilion" was almost circular in shape, roofed, 
although not inclosed, and lighted by numerous large 
tropical plants — as it seemed, although, of course, they 
were but ingeniously molded and colored pieces of iron- 
work — from whose graceful, spreading leaves shot forth 
long, slender, drooping stems, bearing blossoms shaped 
like those of the lily of the valley. These were of tinted 
glass, and each contained a gas jet ; so the effect, when 
lighted, was charming. A large and really very excellent 
orchestra occupied the center of the pavilion. Around it 
was a level gravel walk, outside of which were seats, under 
a canopy, and, all around, one blaze of light, bursting 
forth in sheets and jets of all colors. Especially gorgeous 
was a terrace, formed of innumerable fine jets, arranged 
in arches and columns, with the varied colors in regular 
arrangement. Large mirrors were placed so as to reflect 
the jets in such a way that they appeared to be indefinite 
in number, and to cause the garden to appear much larger. 
Numbers of quiet and plainly-dressed ladies and gentle- 
men (I use the terms with punctilious correctness) were 



WINGED HATS AND HEELS 223 

there to look on at the lively performance, and the clergy- 
man with his white cravat, the tourist with his guide- 
book, and an occasional nondescript carrying a valise 
jostled one another ; and as such oddities attracted no par- 
ticular attention, we concluded that they were customary 
attendants. "Every one goes to Mabille." Soon the 
gaudily-dressed girls began to walk around in the crowd, 
talking vivaciously, laughing, and appearing to enjoy 
themselves hugely. Only the elite of the demi-monde 
attend Mabille, and some of those whom we saw were of 
the most ravishing beauty; so much so that Handsome 
and Nancy agreed unanimously that one, in particular, 
was the fairest creature, in face and form, that they had 
ever seen. They were all well-dressed, some elegantly, 
others with poorer taste, and all with the most extrava- 
gantly high heels to their dainty little slippers. The men 
who danced were mostly ill-looking fellows, dressed in 
black, and wearing tall silk hats. They were very nim- 
ble, and kicked and skipped like so many jumping-jacks. 
They and the most athletic of the " kickers " are engaged 
at regular salaries by the proprietors of the establishment ; 
the others pay their way in, and come for the excitement 
of the dancing. 

When we saw the crowd gathered in the pavilion, 
and arranged so as to leave open spaces for the dancers, 
we joined one of the circles and were at once in the 
midst of flying heels and — hats, which had been kicked 
off with the greatest dexterity, and, in fact, grace. And 



224 



VICTIMS. 



in not one instance was any one's face or head touched, 
but the hat-brim lifted in just the right place to send 
the hat whirling away. Staid-faced and scandalized- 




BEFORE THE KICK. ' AFTER THE KICK. 

A SPANISH GKANDEE AT MABILLE. 

looking individuals were invariably selected as victims, 
by the pirouetting damsels. Handsome and the Object 
congratulated themselves that their ta-ta hats, although 
attracting some little attention, could not be taken off 
by the most accomplished kicker in the Jardin ; but, no 
sooner had the latter seated himself, than, in the course 
of the " peculiar quadrille," one of the dancers sent it 
into the middle of the circle, by quickly scraping it oif 
with her heel — all with the greatest ease, and much to 
the amusement of the applauding bystanders. The Ob- 
ject indulged in a new hat the very first tiling next 
morning. The dancing grew wilder and more general, 
as the hours passed unheeded by, and, when it was all 
over, the trio walked wearily to their lodgings. Next 
door to us was a neat little shop kept by a French- 



OUR HEBE. 225 

man, whose family, consisting of wife and daughter, 
was very intimate with our old English lady, "Mad- 
ame " A- , and, moreover, both mother and daughter 

spoke excellent English. The latter was dark-eyed, 
petite, vivacious, and altogether charming, and, withal, 
dressed most coquettishly. Our old lady used to have 
her come in to wait upon us three at our simple French 
breakfasts, and our chocolate would always be cold, 
before we could bring ourselves to turn from watching 
our little fairy, as she flitted gracefully about the room, 
and busied herself with the breakfast things ; and Hand- 
some would never drink his until she had smiled over 
it ; and every morning, when she poured it out, he made 
the same ridiculous request, which she could not pre- 
vent herself from complying with. *Handsome was her 
favorite, notwithstanding all his absurdities, and she 
always sat in her window watching for our evening re- 
turning, with smiles for us all, but her sweetest one for 
Handsome. 

U I say, Handsome," said the jealous Object, one 
evening, "how did you manage to get little Marie so 
partial to you ? " 

" Well, boys, I'll confess just how I think it came 
about. Perhaps you remember that, the first morning we 
were here, I was already down-stairs when you came down. 
I rose rather early that morning, and found Madame 

A and la belle Marie awaiting our appearance ; so I 

was introduced in grand society style by the old lady, and 
10* 



226 CONCERNING A MOUSE. 

was immediately smitten by the little Frenchy, and you can 
imagine that I fired my best small talk. While we were 
chatting there, a little mouse ran across the room, stopping, 
midway, for a moment. She did not scream, nor act at 
all like a New York girl under similar circumstances, but 
smiled and said, quietly, ' Did you see the little fellow ? 
He came out and looked straight at me, and then ran away.' 
I replied — ahem ! — in my best style, you know, ' I am 
not at all surprised, mademoiselle, at his coming to look at 
you; but I am astonished and bewildered to think that 
he could have run away ! ' She seemed to understand me 
perfectly, and not to be at all offended ; but, on the other 
hand, she has smiled upon me ever since. And I have 
added another to my list of sacred animals — the mouse." 

One afternoon, as we came to our apartments to prink, 
preparatory to going out for" the evening, Marie was sit- 
ting in the window, knitting, as usual, and Handsome was 
so bold this time as to throw her a kiss ; but, alas ! just at 
that critical moment her stern parent came into the store, 
in the nick of time to see the performance, and he scowled 
terribly at us. 

" Missed her, by Jove, and struck the old man square, 
and he didn't seem to like the sensation," said Handsome 
" You can't be too careful how you throw things." 

But, next morning, at breakfast, there was no Marie, and 
every morning after that until we left we missed her ; 
and, although Handsome felt badly enough without it, we 
heaped our maledictions upon him, for robbing us of our 



FOR HIS ROOM. 



227 



dainty waitress. The poor child stole in, on the evening 
before we were to leave Paris, and, with tears in her eyes, 
bade us good-by — probably forever. 

We spent one day among the 
art treasures of the Louvre, and 
were, as is every one, perfectly 
charmed with its wonders. The 
Object said that the two objects 
in the Louvre were the Yenus de 
Milo and Murillo's "Immaculate 
Conception," and told us one 
morning that he had dreamed 
that he had purchased them both 
for his room at college ! 

We visited Notre Dame, one 
morning, to find its interior al- 
most completely hidden by heavy 
drapings of solemn black, em- 
broidered with the initials "A. T." ™»™ DE MIL0 ' 
It was the anniversary of the death of Thiers. 

As we were dining, that day, in one of the large 
restaurants of the Palais Royal, the Object suddenly 
started from his seat, and, dropping his napkin upon the 
floor, and dealing havoc to a tray of dishes which a 
waiter whom he collided with was carrying, rushed like 
a maniac away across the room. His two companions 
looked at his performance with wondering eyes, until they 
saw the Cyclops, with a knife in one hand and fork in the 




223 HAIL, FELLOW ! WELL WET ! 

other, rise and embrace the Object until said knife and 
fork crossed upon his back ; then they, also, became trans- 
formed into lunatics, and hurried to the Cyclops' table. 
We quieted our demonstrations when we perceived that 
every one in the place had stopped eating, in order to watch 
us ; and the very waiters had checked themselves in their 
mad careers, and were gazing at us, with open mouths. 

The Cyclops was dragged over to our table, and we 
four sat there in perfect happiness, and oblivion of 
waiters and diners, alike ; and, over our champagne, com- 
pared notes. We learned that the Parson, Bug, and 
Cyclops were in elegant apartments in the Quartier 
Latin, and had been in Paris for a week. 

The Poet and the Judge had left them at Geneva, in 
order to return to Heidelberg and devote the rest of 
their time to the study of German. After dinner, we 
adjourned to a quiet cafe where we could smoke, and 
over the fragrance of his — for this grand occasion — 
franc cigar and our own cigarettes we induced the Cy- 
clops to tell us the story of the adventures of the five. 



XV. 



A POTPOURRI. 



The five tramps who had caught the steamer at 
Lucerne, upon the fated afternoon of separation, waited 
in several places for the 
three who had not, and 
finally came to the decis- 
ion that the dilatory ones 
had concluded to spend 
the rest of their summer 
in that place. So they 
pushed on from Hospen- 
thal over the Furca, and 
then, entered upon two 
weeks of the most excit- 
ing Alpine climbing, mak- 
ing several ascents of 
great difficulty. 

One of their climbs was the occasion of their receiv- 
ing a most complimentary letter from the Alpine club. 
They began with the Rhone glacier, and, just before 
they were to set foot upon their first ice and snow in 
Switzerland, they had the soles of their shoes completely 
studded with sharp nails, in order to insure for them- 
selves a sure footing. Then, providing themselves with 




REUNION. 



A SCENE FOR MR. 
GOUGH. 



230 ICE AND SNOW. 

heavy leggings, and spectacles of dark-colored glass, 
their outfit was complete; for they already had their 
sharp-pointed alpenstocks, and the guides furnished 
ropes, ice-axes, etc. They attempted to cross the Hhone 
glacier at a point much higher up than the crossing is 
usually made, and their guides found that, since the last 
time they had crossed at that point, the crevasses — which 
are constantly changing as the great ice-river flows slowly 
on — had become so altered in extension and width that 
they were obliged to pick out a new way. Now and then 
they came to a crevasse too wide to allow the most dar- 
ing to harbor a thought of leaping over it, and they 
were compelled to follow it until they found a place nar- 
row enough for them to jump, or until they could avoid 
it by making a detour. Frequently, after following one 
in this way for a long distance, the steps would have to 
be retraced and another attempt made from the original 
starting-point. 

At first it was a little strain upon the nerves to jump 
these terrible ice-chasms, but they soon became accus- 
tomed to it, and could follow the lightly-leaping guides 
without a moment's hesitation. When a large stone falls 
upon the glacier, and is carried by it to a place where the 
surface ice melts during the daytime, it protects the ice 
immediately beneath it from the sun's rays, while that at 
its edges becomes melted. The result is that the stone 
comes to have under it a column of ice pr< ' 
distance above the level of the glacier. 1 



COASTING WITHOUT SLEDS. 231 

" glacier table " for a time, until the oblique rays melt off 
a portion upon one edge of the very top of the supporting 
ice-pillar ; then the stone slides off and repeats its column- 
forming service, while the pinnacle which it has left 
gradually melts away. 

After dining upon such a romantic table, the tramps 
finished their excursion across the glacier, and soon 
advanced to fields offering more adventure and more dan- 
ger. In going with their guides down the Straleg, they 
adopted a strange method of descending a long and steep 
snow-covered incline. Guide number one drove his 
alpenstock firmly into the snow, and seated himself with 
his feet pointing down toward the valley. Guide number 
two then stationed the rest of the party in one long line 
directly behind the first guide, and, as he seated each indi- 
vidual, he made him press himself as closely as possible to 
the one in front of him. When the line was perfectly 
compact and perfectly straight, with first a guide, then 
three tramps, then another guide, two tramps, and, bring- 
ing up the rear, the third guide, the guide in the rear 
cautioned all to pull forth their alpenstocks from the snow 
when he gave the word, and, also, to be ready to thrust 
them in it at any moment during the slide in which he 
should shout ; for, should the rear end of the line become 
turned to one side, those composing it would be liable to 
lose all control of themselves, and would go whirling and 
rolling down the mountain side, never to stop alive ; 
whereas, by all simultaneously thrusting their alpenstocks 



232 



A BONANZA FOR TAILORS. 



into the snow, they could be stopped very quickly, and 
could again straighten the line, and proceed as before. 

All ready, the word given, down they shot! Their 
speed increased every moment, and the snow flew in 
a cloud about them, penetrating up their sleeves, down 
necks, in ears, noses, etc. ; when suddenly the command 
was given to stop, and they pressed in their sticks, and, 

after nearly wrenching 
their arms off, brought 
themselves to a stand- 
still, and tried it again. 





THE CYCLOPS' TROUSERS BEFORE 
AND AFTER THE SLIDE. 



As -soon as they reach- 
ed the first village at 
the foot, the five 
tramps proceeded at 
once to the sole tailor 
of the place for certain 
necessary patches and repairs ; while their guides smiled 
grimly, as they glanced down at their own leathern 
breeches. At times, in their snow-climbing, they suffered 
intensely from the heat. The reflected rays were burning, 
and, although the tramps had concluded that their sum- 
mer's exposure had given their faces a respectable and 
enduring sun-bronze, upon the first snow-climb, they were 
so blistered that they soon went through that interesting 
operation commonly known as "peeling." 

Their labors and dangers, while upon their most won- 



ONLY WAITING. 233 

derful climb, were almost appalling. At one time they 
had climbed for over an hour up an ice-steep, at an 
angle of over forty degrees, and in which their fore- 
most guide cut their every foothold, while below them 
was a sheer precipice some three thousand feet in height. 
At another time they were in momentary dread of an 
avalanche. They waited for almost half an hour for a 
mass of snow ahead of them, and above the place where 
it was necessary for them to cross, to precipitate itself 
down the mountain side. It had a large transverse crack 
in its upper portion, and the guides held back, expecting 
that the lower portion would break off at once. 

As they stood waiting and hoping for the avalanche 
to occur, and render their passage tolerably secure from 
another such overwhelming rush, they could hear, now 
and then, the cracking of the snow masses, with a report 
like that of a pistol, and then, perhaps, there followed 
a sullen roar. These were the characteristic sounds of 
the dreaded avalanches. There had been, it seemed, 
a long-continued moist period, and quantities of snow 
had fallen, so that their time of climbing was most haz- 
ardously taken. Finally, the guides decided that it would 
be as dangerous to remain where they were as to pro- 
ceed, and they moved toward the dreaded spot. The 
spirits of the climbers were at the lowest ebb, and one 
or two of them most heartily wished that they had never 
seen axe, alpenstock, nor rope. Just as they were cross- 
ing, Bug, thinking to cheer up the party, began to 



234 NOT EXACTLY JOYFUL. 

warble ; but the first note scarcely escaped his lips when 
the head guide turned to him, and, pale as death, com- 
manded him, in low but terribly impressive tones, to 
cease at once ; for he said that the slightest vibration of 
the air might be sufficient to start the ready mass above 
them, and overwhelm them one and all with instant de- 
struction. Strange to say, this speech did not have the 
effect of making the tramps feel supremely happy, and 
they prepared themselves to bid good-by to everything 
earthly, and turned their thoughts toward solemn things. 

After some hours of fear and exhaustion, they at last 
reached a comfortable inn, thankful and silently happy, 
and — in the morning had half forgotten their hardships, 
and were eager to attempt a more difficult ascent. But 
mountain-climbing is expensive work, and, when their 
pocket-books had been somewhat wrecked, they turned 
their faces toward Geneva, and, with a stop there of but 
a few hours, proceeded directly to Paris — to ease and 
luxury. 

The Cyclops' cigar had been smoked to its last inch 
when he reached the words "ease and luxury," and our 
1 own cigarettes were long since out ; so we demanded to 
be conducted to the lodgings in the Quartier Latin, and 
there we found the Parson and Bug, and were almost 
smothered by their welcome. Bug went through with a 
performance which he informed us was " falling upon 
our necks and weeping," and then mounted the bureau 
and danced a horn-pipe, to the imminent danger of the 



A FEW PURCHASES. 235 

articles thereon. Their apartments were very pleasant, 
a suite of rooms on the second floor, and we found the 
boys in the very midst of the mysteries of packing. 
Upon every table, chair, and bed were scattered articles 
of the most varied description — alpenstocks, lace cur- 
tains, Swiss carving, and fancy tobacco-pouches were the 
neighbors of meerschaum pipes, hand-painted ivory fans, 
and paintings upon porcelain. The Object seated him- 
self upon a bed, in the midst of a profusion of gorgeous 
scarfs, silk socks, handkerchiefs, silk umbrellas, bottles 
of extracts, kid gloves, etc., etc., and when he recovered 
from his amazement asked : 

" Where and how did you disguised Vanderbilts ac- 
cumulate all these things ? " 

" Oli," replied Bug, " the small articles of vertoo 
scattered lavishly around the apartments are mere trifles 
we picked up in Switzerland for presents, and the 
load of vanity which is harrowing the hearts of the 
springs of that bed has just arrived from the Bong 
Marshy, la grand Magazine of Pairee." Then without a 
look of apology ; " Oh, 'scuse me, gents, 'scuse me. I 
forgot you don't speak the Imperial language. 1 have 
become so accustomed to speaking French that it will 
slip out unbeknownst, without my knowing it, unawares, 
you see." 

He explained that the Bon Marche* was a vast estab- 
lishment where one could purchase from among a thou- 
sand varieties of goods, all reasonable in price, of the 



236 



AFTER THE OPERA. 



latest fashion, and of good quality. Best kid gloves, 
two and a half francs ; silk socks, four francs; line silk 
umbrellas, twenty francs — enough, we started for Au 
Bon March 6, and spent all the afternoon and almost all 
our remaining funds there. In the evening the six 
united tramps attended the grand opera, after procuring 
seats from a broker, at exorbitant prices, and being under 
the necessity of so doing or of remaining away, as not a 
seat was to be had at the box-office. After the opera we 
strolled along one of the brilliant boulevards, and, en- 
tering a cafe, seated ourselves at two different tables. At 
the table next that at which the Parson was seated, sat 
a man gazing vacantly at an untasted cup of coffee be- 
fore him. The Parson speaks French fluently, so he 
gave the garcon the orders for his table. The moment 

he had finished, our friend of the 
coffee came slowly to him, bowed, 
and, with a rich brogue, said : 

" You spake Frinch, don't you, 

" Yes, sir," replied the Parson. 
" For Hivin's sake, sor, tell me the 
Frinch for brandy ! I've been here 
garcon. £ Qr an j lour trying to get som'at to 

drink. I've asked thiui for brandy, and they brought me 
caffy. I've asked thim for whishkey — they brought me 
caffy. Nothing but caffy, caffy, caffy ! " 

The Parson reluctantly told him what to ask for, and 




NO CAFFY. 



237 



he seated himself again, grabbed the coat-tails of the 
first waiter that came near him, and called out : 

" Here, ye sphindle-shank divil of a Frinchman, eau de 
vie, d' ye hear % eau de vie." 

He got his brandy this 
this time, and tossed it off 
with the remark : 

" None o' your domn caffy 
for me ! " 

The next day the Parson 
was to start for Normandy, 
to spend a few days with 
some relatives there, and l|| 
Bug and the Cyclops were 
to go directly to London ; so 
we spent the morning to- it , ,, 

1 b "NONE O' YER CAFFY FOR ME." 

gether in carrying out a pet 

plan. We had met several specimens of that class of 
traveler, who, when he finds that you have visited a place 
where he himself has been, endeavors to discover some 
object of interest there which he himself has visited, but 
which you may have neglected ; and, upon succeeding, 
begins to tell you : 

" Oh, you have been there in vain ! Most wonderful 
thing in the whole place, really. Finest thing, in fact, 1 
have seen any where, etc., etc." 

And you feel humiliated beyond measure. 

Accordingly, we hunted up an insignificant little 




238 



CREATING A WONDEK. 



chapel, with a very long name, and we visited it and 
examined it very minutely, raking up everything of pos- 
sible interest in it, and, in our note-books, enlarging upon 
its points to such an extent that we ourselves almost 
became persuaded that we had found something very 




NOTRE-DAME, AT PAHTS (REAR VIEW). 

extraordinary. All in order that, in future emergencies 
like the above, we might meet our self-satisfied examiners 
with their own weapons, in much this way : 



SHOES AND SHOES. 239 

" You have been to Paris, doubtless ! " 

" Oh, yes." 

" And, of course, went to the Chapel de Blank Blank 
Blank Blank Blank!" 

" Eo-o (hesitatingly, for he hates to confess that there 
is anything which he has not seen). "Eo, I don't believe 
I remember that." 

" Why, my dear sir, you astonish me ! JSTot visit the 
Chapel de Blank Blank Blank Blank Blank ! Impossible 
for a man of your taste ! You might just as well have 
remained away from Paris altogether, as to have missed 
that. Why, the Madeleine is the merest dwarf, in com- 
parison with the wonders of that chapel. You have my 
heart-felt sympathy." 

And we hope to conquer the enemy, especially if there 
are two of us together. 

Bug sent off this morning his fifth pair of shoes to 
the office of the Steamship Co. in Rotterdam. He has 
bought pair after pair since he first blistered his feet, 
and has not yet succeeded in purchasing a comfortable 
pair for city walking, until he reached Paris ; and, un- 
willing to throw his scarcely-worn ones away, has shipped 
them all to Rotterdam hy mail. He said : 

" I expect that more backs have been made lame, 
more swear words uttered, more shelves broken down, 
and that more storage will be charged me when I reach 
Rotterdam — all because of my numerous ' Wandering 
Shoes,' than tongue can write or pen conceive of." 



240 A PERENNIAL SUPPLY OF "RELICS." 

" Never mind," said the Object. " It shoes great 
economy when a. man shoeseth to do as you have done." 

" I shoed remark," answered the Parson ■ but, 
Nancy appearing with a pitcher of water, the Cyclops, 
Bug, and the Parson fled to London and Normandy. 

A few days later, the last of the tramps took their 
final drive through the Champs Elysees, and, meeting the 
Parson at the depot, left fair and wicked Paris for "Brus- 
sels. 

A visit to the field of Waterloo, with its hundreds of 
" genuine relics from the dreadful conflict " still exposed 
for sale, (they are replenished every year by melting 
up the stray water-pipes of the good citizens of Brussels), 
and a look at the lace-making of the city, then on to 
Rotterdam. 

At the Leijgraaf the eight tramps, once more re- 
united, were happy in but one thing. The Judge and 
Nancy were the only ones of the eight who had any 
money left. Bug and the Cyclops had been finished in 
London, and when they arrived in Rotterdam had two 
English shillings between them. The Poet had indulged 
in three new suits of clothes "to impress the boys in 
New Haven with," and Paris had exhausted the rest of 
the party. So Nancy and the Judge ruled the other 
tramps ! — until the latter had borrowed all they wanted, 
when one delegation started out to purchase the delicacies 
for the return voyage, and another departed in search of 
Dutch bulbs and antique tiles. First, any number of 



STARTLING THE HOLLANDERS. 



241 



dozens of the richest hyacinth and tulip bulbs were pur- 
chased for exportation, and, on the way to the anti- 
quary's shop, we passed a small store in front of which 




SUPPLIES FOR THE RETURN VOYAGE. 

were hung long strings of sabots. We entered ; were 
each fitted with a pair of the graceful wooden shoes ; 
and retired with them, to march along, bearing tri- 
umphantly the shoes in one hand and our packages of 
bulbs in the other. ^JTe evidently gave the good, quiet 
people of Rotterdam a sensation the like of which had 
not varied their smoothly-running life for years ; and, 
when we entered our antiquary's, we found a frightened, 
little, round woman, who, at sight of us, rushed for the 
door and disappeared, soon to return dragging with her 
a jolly, little Hollander, smoking his long pipe and wear- 
ing the peculiar smoking-cap. He spoke English, and, 
when we succeeded in making him understand what 
we were in search of, conducted us up five flights of stairs 

to a rickety garret, and pointed us to a quantity of tiles 
11 



242 MK. ADAM — HIS ARK. 

which, he said, had just been taken from the fire-place 
of one of the oldest houses in Rotterdam, then being torn 
down, and the mortar was still clinging to them. 

We converted the cash which we had borrowed from 
!Nancy and the Judge into tiles and a few rare bits of 
china, and turned to our hotel, to reach it just in time 
for dinner. 

At the table sat a gentleman and lady, who, we after- 
wards learned, when we met them on board ship, were 

Professor and wife, of Ann Arbor, and it was before 

them and the tramps, in one assembled, that Handsome 
displayed a most wonderful biblical knowledge. We 
were talking of our tiles, the subjects of whose " pictures " 
were all scriptural, and were discussing their probable age, 
finally deciding that the fourteenth century had given 
birth to them. Bug remarked : 

" Well, mine are evidently the oldest of the lot, as one 
of them has a charming picture .of a very small-sized 
whale sending forth a very large-sized Jonah, who looks 
as happy as the whale does melancholy." 

"Pshaw," returned Handsome, " mine must be older 
than yours ; for one of mine has upon it a representation 
of Adam and all the animals coming out of the ark." 

" Why, you little duckling," said Bug. " Is that the 
result of mature deliberation, or the abrupt thought of the 
moment ? " 

We noticed, also, a strange instance of the Parson's 
European education. At our first dinners in Holland and 



THE parson's fall. 243 

Germany, he would use but the smallest portion of his 
bottle of wine, to " merely color his water and neutralize 
its bad effects," and was very much shocked at the rest of 
the tramps, who left not a drop in their own bottles ; so, 
with the utmost scorn, and with an air of great superiority, 
he would, without a word, hand over his but partially 
emptied bottle to the tramp seated next him. Naturally, 
seats beside the Parson were in great demand at that time. 
So now the Object, who had not had an opportunity of 
dining with the Parson since we were all in Lucerne 
together, had eagerly seated himself at his right hand. 
What was his astonishment to see that degenerate youth 
gradually, but surely, empty his pint to the dregs. 

" Parson," said he, " I am shocked." 

" Do not be hard upon me," he replied, with tears in 
his eyes. " I was driven to drink by very desperation. I 
could not endure to be watched for a quarter of an hour 
before dinner every day, and, when I had seated myself, 
to be conscious of the wolfish glance of Cyclops upon the 
oue side, and Bug upon the other. It was gradually 
reducing me to a skeleton, and I had to save myself." 

After dinner, we went on board our steamer and 
arranged our berths, stowed away our supply of fruit, 
canned meats, figs, and other articles which we had been 
taught by our first trip would make the voyage more 
endurable, and then returned ashore for our last meal and 
walk upon terra firma for many days. 



XXI. 

BACK TO OUR BOOKS. 

The next morning found us beyond the mouth of the 
Maas and fast steaming down the Channel. Our iirst 
acquaintance formed on board ship was one with a 
genial old sailor who had visited all parts of the world, 
and was a perfect store-house of maritime knowledge 
and anecdote. He had just made a trip from Peru to 
Rotterdam, and was now on his way to Chicago, his 
"home." We soon gained his good graces by our deli- 
cate respect and — our little gifts of tobacco, and he be- 
came regularly installed as instructor and protector of the 
party under the name of u Captain." 

The Judge has already been spoken of as of a very 
scientific turn of mind, and he is really possessed of a 
quite extended knowledge in certain branches. He is 
much interested in entomology, and especially enthusiastic 
over anything in the shape of parasitical insects or 
growths upon insects themselves. So we prepared a snare 
for the Judge at our second meal out, by catching a fly 
and rubbing it around in our private sugar until it was 
completely covered with a line, white powder. When 
the Judge appeared, we let loose the bedraggled insect 
directly upon his part of the table. None of us, however, 
took any notice of it, but calmly ate our frugal meal, in 



DANGER ! 245 

the usual manner. The Judge soon saw our prepared bait, 
and at once seized it, examined it closely, and cried out, 
in rapturous tones : 

"A fly with fungus upon it! .A fly with fungus!" 
To the unspeakable delight of the conspirators, who 
shrieked out their joy to the astounded scientist. 

During the third day we encountered a terrible storm, 
which lasted for over three days, and did considerable 
damage, one night carrying away a part of the rigging. 
During its continuance, numbers of the people on 
board were sick ; so, whenever we were allowed to do so, 
we went on deck to the fresh air, although the decks 
were wet and slippery, and, now and then, we would ship 
part of a wave over the bows. One of the passengers 
was a little meek-eyed and red-faced Englishman, " short 
up and down, but very long around," as Handsome 
expressed it ; and he was very sick and very much fright- 
ened, and came to us, as we clung to the rail, amidships, to 
ask if we thought there was much danger. Bug shook 
his head gravely, and said : 

" Pretty doubtful, sir. I am very much inclined to 
think we won't weather it, and I keep on deck all the 
time for my chance in the boats." 

The Cyclops, seeing the poor little man's fright, 

cruelly added : 

" I would give half of my enormous fortune to be in 
New York to-night. I am an old traveler by sea, sir, 



246 WIE GEHT ES MIT IHNEN ? 

and I think I see signs of the ship's going down within an 
hour. She is a very old craft, you know." 

" O, Lord, you don't say so ! " gasped the terrified 
man, and, in his agitation, he let go his hold upon the 
rail, and a sudden lurch took him from his feet and made 
him slide like a curling-stone along the slippery deck. 
He made no effort to rise, so the two prophets of evil, 
fearing that he was hurt, hastened to aid him, and heard 
him wail, as he sat motionless, but uninjured, upon the 
deck : 

" Oh, I wish I was 'ome ! Oh, I wish I was 'ome ! ! " 
The day that the storm cleared off was quite bright 
and cheerful, but there was still a heavy sea on, and poor 
Nancy, who had been the only one of us to be sea-sick, sat 
on deck, enveloped in shawls, and looking very sad. To 
him approaches the heartless Bug, whose own appetite and 
digestion have been wholly unimpaired during our pitch- 
ings, rollings, and tossings. 

" Wie geht es mit Ihnen, Nancy ? " (How are you ?) 
" Oh, clear out ! You know I don't feel well." 
" Wie geht es mit Ihnen, Nancy. I fear you do not 
appreciate the depth and purity of that sweet and precious 
sentiment. The hardened criminal who has committed 
terrible deeds, and is to expiate them upon the very scaf- 
fold, becomes softened, and weeps when he hears the 
charming words, 'Wie geht es mit Ihnen?' The fero- 
cious cannibal, about to make his dinner upon missionary 
steak, turns from his fell purpose, and contents himself 



A DELICACY EOK THE SICK. 247 

with mother-in-law soup, when the soothing words, ' Wie 
geht es mit Ihnen ? ' strike his ear, like sweetest music. 
And you, a Christian, and soon to become an A. B., turn 
from them in anger." Poor, helpless Nancy turns his 
face wearily away from the sight of the nonsensical 
haranguer, and Bug retreats for a moment. But only for 
a moment, for he soon emerges from the steerage, bring- 
ing with him a large piece of one of the delicacies of the 
steerage table — Holland herring, half-raw, greasy, yet 
devoured with the greatest gusto by the Germans on 
board, but exceedingly . disagreeable to an American 
palate. Returning to the forlorn Nancy, who has not 
eaten anything for two days, the wretch repeated his 
" Wie geht es mit Ilmen ? " and, saying : 

" My poor child, I have brought you a little delicacy I 
saved from my own breakfast for you. Eat it all, and 
enjoy it ; " he held before him the disgusting morsel. It 
was too much for Nancy, and he had to be helped to the 
side, and the Cyclops and the Judge, after a tussle, suc- 
ceeded in overpowering Bug, and, for vengeance's sake, 
sat upon him for a quarter of an hour by the Judge's 
watch. Nancy was taken back to his steamer chair, mut- 
tering : 

" That fellow hasn't any of the milk of human kind- 
ness in his composition." 

As the pleasant weather continued, Nancy grew bet- 
ter, and we began to extract solid enjoyment from the 
voyage. We had, by this time, become acquainted with 



N 



248 THE POET IN FINE ARRAY. 

almost all of the cabin passengers except a charming 
young lady, who, of course, was the most desirable 
acquaintance of them all, but was very closely attended 
by her brother, as we knew him to be. But, one day 
after dinner, we were astonished to see the Poet appear 
on deck, "under full sail," with one of his three new 
suits, and scarf, collar, etc., of the latest styles. 

"What's the matter? Going to a German?" asked 
Bug. 

" Oh, a fellow gets tired of wearing the same clothes 
all the time, you know, and, now that the weather has 
brightened, I thought I should feel better to freshen up 
myself a little." And the Poet seated himself near us, 
and began to read in his favorite Tennyson. 

We turned again to our own writing and reading, but, 
suddenly, Handsome asked : 

" Why, where's the Poet ?" 

" This must be investigated," said the Judge, as he 
left his book to search for him, and returned, beckoning 
us to follow. We did so, and saw, calmly sitting under 
the awning over the quarter-deck, playing cards with our 
young lady and her brother — the guileless Poet, finery 
and all. But he remained sole master of the field for a 
very short time, for he was so badly used up at supper- 
time by his indignant companions that he promised to 
introduce one and all. We learned that she was a Vassar 
girl, and that her brother was to to enter Harvard that 
fall. So the Poet's wearing of his " store clothes " was 



A PLAINTIVE DITTY. 249 

accounted for ; but it has always remained a mystery how 
he played his cards to begin the acquaintance. 

Although the weather had now been fine for several 
days, an old German, with a tremendous circumference, 
was still very sea-sick, and, as we sat on deck late into the 
beautiful moonlight nights, every now and then a white- 
shirted apparition would rush hurriedly from the steerage 
and to the steamer's side. With his usual desire for a 
nickname, Bag had dubbed him "Mr. Ganzmeyer," and, 
one evening when he had not appeared as usual, the Poet 

sang : 

{To the Air of "Buffalo Gals.") 

" Oh, Mr. Ganzmeyer, are you coming out to-night ? 
Are you coming out to-night ? 
Are you coming out to-night ? 
Oh, Mr. Ganzmeyer, are you comin' out to-night, 
To be ill by the light of the moon ?" 

« Don't," shrieked Nancy. " You'll make me sea- 
sick again." p 

"Do we breathe the pure air of freedom, or the ioe- 
tid breath of brutal despotism 1 " declaimed Bug. " We 
sing what we choose. Eh, Poet % " 

One day we were astonished by the romantic news 
that there had been a wedding on board. Two steerage 
passengers had been united in the first cabin, and were 
to hold a reception on deck that evening. The festivi- 
ties began with a dance, to the music of an harmonicon, 
11* 



•:: 



MORE BEER. DARLING ? 



and almost all the passengers either joined in the maze 
or stood by to look on. As ir grew late, all bnt the inti- 
mate friends of the bride and 
groom retired from the scene, 
and the wedding-feast was 
served. It consisted of bot- 
tled beer and of beer in bot- 
tles, and, as we sat smoking 
and singing, onr steward pass- 
ed us time and time again, 
each time with several of the 
tilled bottles. Once the bride 
3 herself passed, carrying a bot- 
p tie of beer under each arm ; 
but, just as she had gone by 
us. she slipped and fell, with 
a great thump, to the deck. 
Bug hastened to assist her to 
her feet, but she was up before he reached there, and, 
although she had landed full upon her he^d, merely ex- 
amined her bottles to see if they were broken, and then, 
finding that they were whole, smiled and said : 

'•Das macht gar Xichts ! " (It makes no difference 
at all.) 

The next time the steward came with fresh supplies, 
we asked him how many bottles the bridal party had 
then had — " Forty '-eight."* 




WEDDES&-FEAST SUPPLIES. 



THE PIRATE. 251 

That feast must have been a success. 

Quite late that night, one of the revelers, a man with 
small, snake-like, black eyes, and shaggy, unkempt hail 
and beard, took occasion to grossly insult Bug, as he 
stood near ]iim. Bug paid no attention to it at the time, 
but said quietly, as we were retiring, that he would 
" speak to that Pirate in the morning." Xext morning, 
he went up to the man, told him what he had done the 
night before, and said : 

" Xow, of course there is excuse for you because yon 
were not in a condition to know what von were savins 
and doing. All I want you to do is to say that it was 
not right, and that you are sorry for it." 

But our Pirate replied, " Xo, it vas right. I meaned 
it, I meaned it." 

" All right," said Bag. " Put up your hands. I am 
going to strike you." 

And he did, and the faint thud of the blow was all 
the intimation which the rest of us heard of the whole 
proceeding, although we were sitting not ten feet away. 
The man made no offer to return the blow, but went 
and complained to the ship's captain, who came to Bug. 
and, after hearing about the matter, refused to do any- 
thing. So the Pirate threatened to kill Bug, at the first 
opportunity ; and as we passed him when he was getting 
his dinner, he raised his knife high in the air. But our 
old Captain was there, and, seizing the man with one 



252 A GENTLE HINT. 

hand, he shook him as a terrier would a rat, and with a 
dangerous twinkle in his eye and a fierce curl to his mus- 
tache, asked in his delicious brogue : 

" What ye goin' to do wid that knoife ? " 

The Pirate replied, meekly enough, that he was only 
about to use it to butter his bread. 

" All roight," and the Captain let go his hold. 

But Bug slept with his penknife under his pillow 
for several nights, but the Pirate troubled him no 
more. 

As we neared the coast, we met numerous sailing 
vessels, but, even at that late stage of the voyage, could 
not resist the temptation to rush to the sides, as the strings 
of bright-colored bunting were flung out to the breezes. 
Two very evenly-matched pilot boats had a race for our 
steamer, which was watched with the greatest excitement 
by all on board; and, when we were finally boarded by 
the quarantine officers, with their vile little fumigating 
materials, " it did really seem as though we were some- 
where," as Nancy remarked. 

Early in the evening we came to anchor between New 
York and Hoboken, but were tantalized by being kept on 
board over night. The customs boat came alongside, and 
left on board several officers, to seal up every thing and 
keep watch all night, and we entered into conversation 
with one of them, who informed ns, coolly, that " the offi- 
cers were never offended if any one offered them a little 



TYROLESE OR ZULUS ? 253 

present." We refused to take the hint, but still expe- 
rienced no annoyance on the following morning, although 
we each had that same officer make as careful an examina- 
tion as he chose — probably he hoped on for his " little 
present." But there was not then money enough in the 
whole party to have taken us all to New Haven. 

The tramps now appeared in all the glories of the 
apparel which some of them had carried across the water 
and back, to find that- it might almost as well have been 
left in New York ; as it had been worn but twice — once 
upon the first day of our voyage to Rotterdam, once upon 
the last day of our return trip. We were all obliged to 
go with the rest of the steerage passengers to Castle Gar- 
den, and have our names, ages, etc., registered. While 
standing there, waiting to be allowed to depart, several 
people came and looked curiously at us, and one distribu- 
tor of Bibles presented us with Testaments printed in 
German, and, in the same language, asked if we were not 
Tyrolese. The Object frightened him badly by replying, 
in forcible English : 

" No. Can't you tell Zulus when you see them ? " 
When at last released, we agreed to meet at the Grand 
Union for dinner, and Nancy, having enough money to 
take four besides himself there, departed with the Parson, 
Bug, the Cyclops, and the Poet. The Judge, Handsome, 
and the Object hailed a hackman, with the air of men 
whose purses were bursting with gold; but, by actual 
count, they had thirty-seven cents in their possession, for 



254 A THIJSG OE TWO TO EAT. 

the generous Judge had been temporarily ruined, in 
a financial light, from his repeated loans to the bankrupt 
tramps. However, he stopped somewhere on the way up 
town, and procured us more money than we had seen for 
a month, and we drove on our way to our dining-place 
rejoicing. There we astonished the waiters by the strange 
incongruity of the dishes which we demanded of them to 
bring on together. Cyclops, for instance, ordered raw- 
oysters, charlotte russe, and green corn all at once, for he 
had not been able to procure either of those articles since 
the day we had left New York. The eight dined 
together — the Judge paid the bill. The Judge bought 
the tickets to New Haven, and, not yet out of that state 
of pleasurable excitement into which we had been plunged 
by the first sight of the pilot boats, we found our favorite 
hackmen at the New Haven depot, and were whirled up 
to the college campus. 

College had now been in session for some length of 
time, and the tramps had been obliged, before starting, 
to obtain the President's permission for them to return 
by the steamer which they took at Rotterdam. 

So, as those who roomed in Old South drew up to 
the fence, they found the usual evening crowd gathered 
there, and, upon alighting with their bundles of canes, 
umbrellas, and alpenstocks, were met with a shout 
of: 

" Hooray, here come the ' blasted foreigners,' boys,'' 



RUTHLESS BARBARISM. 255 

and were almost smothered for half an hoar, before their 
class-mates allowed them to go to their rooms. 

As they were climbing the stairs of their respective 
entries, they heard, swelling from the Senior fence, the 
strains of, " Home again I Home agam ! from a foreign 
shore? and music never sounded half so sweet as did 
their class-mates' compliment. 

After electrifying the chapel, recitation room, and 
campns for one short morning, with their attempts at 
full beards, the eight put themselves, at the first oppor- 
tunity, in the hands of the ruthless tonsorial artist, who 
turned out eight moderately respectable-looking, mus- 
tachioed, side-whiskered, or smooth-faced youths. The 
transformation from tbamps to students was now com- 
plete. ' . 

It is hard, hard to close without a bit of matrimony, 
and the only consolation that can be offered by the sor- 
rowing but truthful historian is that the prospects m 
that line, for at least three of us, are very, very en- 
couraging. . 

During our Senior year, occasionally an invitation 
from Yassar reached the many-suited, enterprising Poet, 
but he has since met another fair one, and is a Farming- 
ton man now. Handsome says that he will never forget 
little Marie of Paris; while Bug still has vivid recollec- 
tions of the Lady of the Phosphorus-and some dozen 
others. 



256 THE EIGHT IN THE WORLD. 

The wolf is still the sworn companion of the Cyclops, 
and the Judge yet deludes himself with the idea that he 
can distinguish between a good cigar and a fly with fun- 
gus upon it. 

Nancy is a confirmed old bachelor ; the Parson has 
given up drinking ; the Object, having come across the 
following in Hart's Iihetoric : — " The pun is an in- 
ferior species of wit, and one which is often carried to a 
tiresome excess," has given up punning. 

We all graduated with more or less honors — most of 
us with less ! and expect to have the eight made up, at 
some future day, as follows : 

Three lawyers, one physician, one clergyman, one 
gentleman of leisure, one street-car driver, and one 
editor — appi oximating the order to the degree of 
merit. 

We look back upon our summer as tramps as the 
happiest one of our lives, and hope to be at least par- 
tially reunited in another of much the same character — 
barring steerage. 

At present the eight is scattered from San Francisco 
to Brunswick, Me. ; each member of it is hard at work 
preparing himself for his future profession or occupa- 
tion ; all unitedly are, probably, heaping their maledic- 
tions upon the writer of such a history of such a trip ; 
and he — well, he is hoping that the reader may have pe- 
rused said melancholy history far enough to know that 



GLUECK AUF ! 



257 



he or she (the latter, of course, a thousand times pre- 
ferred) is heartily wished the fullest and richest of good- 
fortune. 







riliiil 



ITNB3. 



COLLEGE CUTS 

A COLLECTION OF SKETCHES IN THE 
STYLE OF PUNCH, ILLUSTRATING HUMOR- 
OUS EPISODES IN COLLEGE AND "SOCIETY" 
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What lias been said of 

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By WILLIAM O. STODDARD 

11 A protest against sham and hypocrisy.' 1 — 

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WIT 

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